Travels outside time/Inside of me

Visions and dreams seen in a disjointed state of mind, resulting from an existential crisis.

Everyday, it seems like a little bit of me is fading away. With the passage of time, I feel hollow, the memory of something that isn't there, that hasn't happened, tugging at me. A thirst that cannot be quenched, a hunger that cannot be satiated, a desire without an object, a pain without origin, that won't heal. I was reading. Then suddenly, I'd closed the book, and I didn't even know when. It's like, something felt wrong. Has been feeling wrong. For such a long time now. Disjointed, everything seems to be. I feel like I'm in a movie, that I'm not supposed to be a part of. I forget that, sometimes, but then again there are times when I realise that. It feels like two planes which are not supposed to meet have joined together, without synchronising. Parallels have met. There is no balance. My vision get's clouded, and it seems like I see the world through broken glass, tainted with the colours of time, a time that hasn't been, and a mist which carries a fell omen, akin to that of the breath of Erebus. Yet, this cloud doesn't seem to be a cloud. This, is what seems real. What feels real. Slowly my five senses grows numb, and 'reality' dims. A new cloud forms then, a blur of people, a host of sights, sounds, names, scents which seem familiar, but slowly they too, drown like the fading whistle of a train going to the land of forgotten dreams. Then I feel the summons. Like voices, from the outside, and voices from the inside, calling. Voiceless voices. Is it possible, that you recognise the unknown, and yet it remains unknown? A smile forms on my lips, a mirthless smile. Everything fades, and turns black. The broken glass remain, shining in lightless light. The mist, it grows heavier, and suddenly, it sounds like water is flowing. A trickle, which turns into a stream, and then, the roar of water coming down from beyond Olympus. The feeling, is like being drowned in Styx, Acheron, Lethe, Phlegethon and Cocytus at the same time. Only, I am not breathless. Screams, wails, whispers of hatred, and howls of anger as strong as tempests released by enraged Stribog buffet me. The glass rains down, cutting deep, and all those feelings enter. Fear, pain, sorrow, anger, and hatred. The mortal flesh, it seems, is ripped apart, and it feels like a thousand shinigami tears and cuts my very being, with swords made from the bones of Nyx, and the fell melody born of Chaos plays around me. All thoughts, all emotions, come to an end. Existence ceases to be. Then, a fire so hot, that it feels heatless, and so dark, that it swallows darkness, is born - inside of me. The flames reach higher and heat spreads like the rays of a ghost sun, an Apollo who has been baptised by the Void. I find myself, standing, in an immaterial plane, a void. My eyes burn, my throat feel dry, from what feels like the smoke of cheap cigarettes, and my tongue is parched. Everything is still. No apprehension, no hopes. Just, a state of being, within 'non-existence'. Then suddenly, something else appears, in front of me. It flickers, and slowly, materialises. A lake, out of which arises a stone, upon which lies a a metal slab. I walk through the water to the stone, and lift the slab, 'neath which lies a sword. I take it in my hand. Straight, yet curved, it seems. I smile, the smile which one smiles after completing a contract. Somewhere, a wolf howls. "Angels banished from heaven have no choice but to become demons". My rage burts forth. The soundless echos of pain and hatred, resonant, grow inside me. Images form around me. Silhouettes of dark light, coming to consume me. I grip my sword, knuckles turning white - and I slash out at everything. I hear their screams. I laugh, and I cry, at the same time. Then suddenly, I hear a voice. "Turn back! Look beneath the stone!" Upon turning around, the stone is no longer there. In it's place, I find a inscription, and something tells me that it's only there for me, that even if another were to venture into this astral plane, they will never find it. Again, I hear a voice, and this time, I remember the past. "Promise me". I look down at the sword. Tears that will never form, dry up inside of me. A sheath appears. I take it, and I sheath the sword. In my mind, another voice speaks "I have long since closed my eyes... My only goal is in the darkness." Then, I come back, to reality.                  Yet. The darkness remains, and I dread the day when the memory will speak no more, and I forget the promise that I made.

 
                                                                               

Author's Note

For those who may not know.
Shinigami (Japanese mythology) - Gods/Angels/Spirits of death.
Styx, Acheron, Phlegethon, Lethe and Cocytus (Greek mythology) - Rivers from the Greek underworld.
Erebus (Greek mythology) - Personification of darkness.
Stribog (Slavic mythology) - God of Wind.
Nyx (Greek mythology) - Personification of night.

Reviews

[Daydreamer]

I found a deeper meaning, each time I reread this piece. There are so many layers. I appreciated the simplistic complexities of your work.. Brilliant!