When I was born, they found a piece of sharpened metal - like a dagger - jutted out of my left arm

It's so short, just read it

When I was born, they found a piece of sharpened metal - like a dagger - jutted out of my left arm. They considered it as a congenital disorder and decided to remove it. When I reached 14, a sword blade grew out of my right arm, it was in the exact shape of a sword blade and was completely attached to my arm bone it couldn't be removed without causing a serious bone fracture. So since I couldn't get rid of it, I decided to use it...and I accepted my destiny ....I was a fighter!

Author's Note

Please read and give me your opinion about structure, grammar, etc.

Reviews

[Jonas Leao]

I like it. At first I found the repetition odd, but as you explained what you had in mind when you did that below I changed my mind, and now I think it works well.
I'm specially fond of the way you mixed such concise storytelling with fantasy writing, something both uncommon and rarely well done.
Congrats, I'll certainly check your other stuff :)

[Arash Y]

Thanks a lot for your unique comment. I can't say anything more..just that I'm so happy, so deeply happy, that I finally found the place I was looking for for a long time. This place is writers' heaven!

[CreativeCookie]

Neat! I really like it. I mean, a sword attached to your body, a human weapon, how cool is that! I wish I had thought of it. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to envy you for the idea.
Love,
CreativeCookie

[Arash Y]

Thanks pal, that was the sweetest comment I've ever received on this story. Thanks a lot

[T A Stanley]

I am no expert by any means so this is just my view.
I found repeating "it was in the exact shape of a sword blade" a bit redundant, either don't say its a sword blade to begin with or get rid of it.
I do like the piece, but some re-wording would make it better. e.g. instead of saying arm bone say "it was completely attached to the bone in my arm." Even that is slightly off, but it makes it easier to read.

[Arash Y]

Thanks a lot pal for your comment. First, repeating and putting stress on a single phrase, word or sentence in order to attract a kind of unnecessary-but-special attention to it, is a kind of method of expression that I've learned spontaneously through my readings (Mostly of Latin American and Russian writers', e.g. Marquez, Gorky) . by that I meant I used it intentionally and purposely. But since English is not my mother language, I can accept that with enough reasoning and I'll appreciate if you give me the alternative every time you find a mistake.
Second; since you are hopefully (I couldn't see your complete profile) an American or a British person, it is very important for me to know if the mistakes and shortcomings that you're mentioning are absolutely wrong from a grammatical point of view.I know that in all languages - so far that I know - grammar is not completely a Solid and unstretchable thing. Simply think about reading this piece in a morning paper in your country; would you still consider these things as mistakes or just enjoy reading the piece?
Thank you so much for your kind attention and waiting for your answer

[T A Stanley]

I understand what you mean about giving something more attention and I understand that it is a good method to use. I am British but I wouldn't say I am a good writer, I like to write and maybe check out my story if you have the time. I just felt that it slowed the story down, because it is such a small piece I don't think it needed to be added. I wouldn't say that the grammar is wrong, I would just word things differently. This would make the story flow on better than it does at the moment. But in the end its down to the person reading it, like you have to make it a pleasure to read, and for the reader to be immersed.
I will be the first one to say my story will not match up to what I am saying here, please don't take this as me being rude.
I find commenting hard as I don't want to offend and as these are only my personal preference's, all I am saying is take things lightly.
Also I saw you have another piece up, if you want I can write a review on that ?

[Arash Y]

Ok, First of all do not avoid commenting only because your comments might look offensive to some people. Analyzing a story is - and supposed to be - mostly about how reading it makes you feel and not only mentioning the grammatical points, and for the former, you better not to be an expert or experienced writer, believe me! The artwork is created for all audiences otherwise it is just like a letter from one writer to another.

I'll read your work without any presumption or prejudgment and would appreciate if you read my other work and give me your opinion,my friend