You...

Couldn't you have looked back..?
Couldn't you've apologized..?
Or done the million things
you did in my head...?


but instead you just walked away...
why do I not answer?-you ask...
why do I hang on? you say..


because when you said you had a dream..
I felt a step closer to mine..
and every time you inch away...
I feel that go with you..
you seem to carry it on you !

Reviews

[DreyaArt]

Hmm, very interesting write. Seems a bit incomplete, like at the end its almost as if you lost your train of thought and so just left it as is. It kind of feels like there was a great back story here but it is missing. Like you left our something important that the reader needs to fully understand the writing. Maybe its just the point of view that this was written from but it just seems to be lacking some depth to really hook the reader at the beginning and create an ending rather then just leaving it undone. But otherwise great start in my opinion. Keep writing, learning and improving :)

[shruthi]

Wow nice writing,great work

[Shardbearer99]

I enjoyed this. It was short, simple, but very gripping. But I do agree with DreyaArt. It does feel annoyingly rushed, like you still had a lot of thoughts and emotions you wanted to express in this poem, it was just annoying you ended it so abruptly like that. Still gripping. I hope you go back to this poem later on and take your time with it. Poetry should not be rushed, especially poetry like this where you really do hook the reader's imagination. They want to know more, or understand more.

[misha]

Such a sad and true piece. Great write!

[Arabdha]

Thank you Misha !

[Sami Khalil]

"because when you said you had a dream..
I felt a step closer to mine..
and every time you inch away...
I feel that go with you..
you seem to carry it on you !"

You is a good poem and you are a good writer...Thank you for sharing...:)

[Arabdha]

Hey-thank you so much ! Glad you like it :-)

[Sami Khalil]

Hey-My pleasure...:).......................

[Leigh]

You really let me in, in to your thoughts with this one, a feeling of being shut out and someone not sharing their, ideas, dreams, thoughts. A very personal write, but also one which reveals the traits of many relationships perhaps

[Arabdha]

Takes deep seated psychological understanding to get this one..and you do :-)

[Leigh]

You are very welcome

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and emotional ride in your poem. When love leave us. Old heart pay the price. Good description allowed the reader to feel the disappointment. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Arabdha]

Thank you for taking the time to go through 'you'..and relating !

[Gaurav Walia]

It depicts the pain which touched my heart...Nicely expressed...

[Arabdha]

Thank you Gaurav ! Thats a kind review :-)

[Gaurav Walia]

Sure No problem...

[Jack...]

I know this feeling and it doesn't feel very good at all. Very nice my friend.

[Arabdha]

yes but thank you for understanding and relating..