Dollfaces

picture perfect

Probably the most real, raw write I have done... Demons find a way of haunting whether we want them to or not..

 

 

Born into this world

another abomination

unwanted accident

in a string

of drugged out w***e’s

mistakes…….

broken spirit

behind

a pretty face. …

 

Cry yourself to sleep

no lullabies

to soothe

trapped behind façade

of a perfect family…..

shuffled from one home

to the next

the lies, disguise

lost innocence

on devil’s knee….

 

Destined to feel

unloved

learning NEVER

to trust

locked away

imprisoned

no key…….

put on your

DOLLFACE

no fairytales

for this

Cinderella

no prince

to rescue me…….

 

Just another

mouth to feed

reason to collect

precious check…..

pass me carelessly

one rat-hole

to the next

cruel joke I suspect…

 

Praying

There’s no God

…not for a girl

like…….. me

Santa can’t be bothered

no first kisses

prom dates

or school dances……

no sleepovers

passing notes

innocent romances……

 

No fairy godmother

to appear….

just pain and loneliness

festering

in frightened

fear……

 

Scared to sleep

of the dreams

that come

every night…..

always running

panicked

if I could just

become invisible

stay out of sight….

 

Guess it’s me

not worthy of

love and affection…..

try to be better

and yet still

feel the sting

of rejection….

 

Broken bones

hopeless heart

ever feel whole

again?...........

drowning in despair

planning escape

the beginning

of the

end…….

 

A bottle of

pills

a slit

of the wrist…..

just one less

damaged soul

who no one

will miss…

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Christopher Robin]

I think you meant 'cheque' not check, but I checked (ha!) and American US standard is 'check' so you're right, hopefully it won't confuse.
Damn April, not sure what inspired you to pen this... I mean...being 13 was pretty horrible for me too, I think most teenagers have a tough time of it. Yet here we are, here we stand, and here we write, and the endless outpouring of admiration should - if nothing else - show you that those times are long past. 'Family' has a new definition nowadays, you need only look to your reviewers (the ones not trying to sleep with you...they're out there somewhere) to see you are surrounded by a supportive community. Mainly because I think most of them feel like they went though the same thing you did, or want to one-up you, but it's support nonetheless.
Don't get me wrong it's nice to see another side of you than the cheeky sexy one. But we write in the now, from what the past made of us. Don't dwell on your demons like all the other miserable poets on this site (though you d it better than most). Rise above and beyond. Show us what you're capable of ;)

-Robin

[AprilRN1210]

yea, I agree.. not big on the "woe is me" writing and that was not my intention here.... and yes, here in the US it is "check":P
you leave such thoughtful reviews and for that you have my respect and my appreciation... thank you...

[00000000000000000000000..]

Wow April this was deep, I don't see it mature at all, Gosh I seen so many issues in life abuse sadness pain. I felt many friends in life had all you say. You did a great job with this:)

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you... Yes, I had to dig deep for this one.. was nervous about posting it, but thought if it touched at least one person, then it was worth it... you are so sweet. I appreciate this thoughtful, kind review... ((hugs))

[SmittyJas]

April Here Is Hoping you got some therapy and the right words and attention came to your mind. Your been confused about a lot of things throughout your youth and I can only hope you had some loving help for many people who deal with this type of issues in life and that you have learned to forgive and ask for blessings upon your life leaning forward. I been through depression and fought it off with meds and training self help training to make me stronger in my Wellness training and trying to get out of depression.
Blessing to you April your a strong woman I am proud to know you Keep writing you will be rewarded.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you for this thoughtful, sweet review.... You are very kind... I had years of therapy thankfully.. it has a way of trying to haunt me at times, but I have learned how to work through it.. scars never go away but the pain fades... I appreciate this wonderful review... :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

This is heartbreaking, April...

It takes courage to release the demons and face them...you are one brave woman.

I just want to hug that little girl who missed the Fairy tales and all the things that make a childhood.

You are a beautiful soul... Thank you for sharing your heart.~xoxo~

[AprilRN1210]

you have the warmest, sweetest soul girl... thank you so much... this means so much to me... I so appreciate you, your time, your thoughts, and your friendship.... ((hugs))

[Sophy Freebirds]

"Salvation or evil twist of fate"- this lines hit hard.how ironical!there is totally no salvation for the victim.. "put on your dollface"- the smile hiding back frowns,serene eyes blinking back tears.. i liked the plural form used as title cause- its not just a dollface there are many out here who suffer indignation constantly.. the raw feelings of yours have been expertly captured here. Showing us the stark reality of our rotten society.. i loved it April .. Great!! Thanks for sharing this :)xx

~Sophy

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you for this lovely review ma'am... you are very kind..

[Sophy Freebirds]

De nada cutiepie :)

[ron]

This is sad April. No one should have to live like this or even experience it in any form. I'm sorry if this was about you xoxoxoxo

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you, Ron... This is actually about me.. but we all have demons that we deal with don't we... Thankfully, I am not in the same dark place as I was, but wanted to speak to others to make them aware that it does happen and maybe touch someone who is in a similar or has been in a similar place to let them know that they are not alone.. ((hugs))

[ron]

You are very brave to open up like this. You have a good heart and I hope you touch as many people as you can and help them.. ((hugs))

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you, for these sweet words, Ron... I appreciate it.. :)

[ron]

You are most welcome April :)

[NoelHC]

April, sorry to read this of your past, it is so difficult to comprehend how anyone can treat another person cruelly, I know it happens, but I just cannot understand it at all.
I salute you for being brave enough to put a hurt this deep from the past out there as you have done.
The shape, format and flow were beautiful,. like you, so I have to say I enjoyed the poem so much, even though the topic is so evil
Again, your range of writing enthralls me.
Hugs, ma'am.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you so much, Noel for this kind, thoughtful, sweet review.. You always bring a smile to my face and I appreciate your encouragement and support... I am glad that you "enjoyed" it.. ((hugs)) back at you sir:)

[Einstein Noodle]

confessional poems can be tricky to pull off but the depths you drew from to write this one reaches just as deep into the marrow of your readers .. who can not but respond with prayers and well wishing for you April .. and to send out arms to give good hugs .. and shoulders to lean on .. i had a wonderful and very ordinary raising in our middle class home but people who suffer abuse (like you say .. those scars always bleed) have been in my adult life on a regular basis .. God bless you today and grant you God's spirit of peace and comfort and joy .. big hugs girl!
E.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you for this awesome, heartwarming, and thoughtful review, E!!! You are so awesome... This made me tear up this morning... I appreciate your show of support, your prayers, and your comfort... I am glad I was able to touch you with this one.. It was not easy to write or decide to post...

[Einstein Noodle]

i am sure it was not easy .. love to you .. for sure .. and tears to heal .. love love love
E.

[AprilRN1210]

your words are like a big, warm, comforting hug and I honestly appreciate it..

[Inda]

I think many would miss you! I know i would! Who else would read my stuff at this ungodly hour?!
Seriously though,i feel for you these feelings of being less than are not too healthy, i hope you partly erxagerated these, the way we writers do, if not know that you are of value and desrve indeed to
Be happy. I have battled with depresion myself so i know how it does creep on you, but hey that's what funny videos are for!

(BIG HUG)

[AprilRN1210]

ha! yes sir.. who else keeps such weird hours eh?..... I love funny videos!! I admit I use music and my poetry as therapy.. I admit I had to dig DEEP for this one... while it is all true.. it is not a reflection of my current state, no... it is not exaggerated about how I used to feel though... and wow.. thank you for my ((BIG HUGS))... I appreciate them.. thank you for this kind, thoughtful review as well, my friend...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this absolutely tore me to pieces....it reminded me of Elvis' "in the ghetto"

but in a different way....an unwanted child born to someone who cannot be a parent...and then several would be parents who really can't handle this child...and she grows up unloved, full of resentment towards others and herself. so sad.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you, Jacob... I am glad that I was able to touch you with my write.. I was nervous with this one I admit..

[Trace]

Very revealing and heart wrenching write.

In am so glad you have now grown in to a beautiful woman that is in control of her own future and happiness.

Thank you for sharing.

HUGGS. .... Trace

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you so much Trace for these kind and thoughtful words.. You humble me....