Dollfaces

picture perfect

Probably the most real, raw write I have done... Demons find a way of haunting whether we want them to or not..

 

 

Born into this world

another abomination

unwanted accident

in a string

of drugged out w***e’s

mistakes…….

broken spirit

behind

a pretty face. …

 

Cry yourself to sleep

no lullabies

to soothe

trapped behind façade

of a perfect family…..

shuffled from one home

to the next

the lies, disguise

lost innocence

on devil’s knee….

 

Destined to feel

unloved

learning NEVER

to trust

locked away

imprisoned

no key…….

put on your

DOLLFACE

no fairytales

for this

Cinderella

no prince

to rescue me…….

 

Just another

mouth to feed

reason to collect

precious check…..

pass me carelessly

one rat-hole

to the next

cruel joke I suspect…

 

Praying

There’s no God

…not for a girl

like…….. me

Santa can’t be bothered

no first kisses

prom dates

or school dances……

no sleepovers

passing notes

innocent romances……

 

No fairy godmother

to appear….

just pain and loneliness

festering

in frightened

fear……

 

Scared to sleep

of the dreams

that come

every night…..

always running

panicked

if I could just

become invisible

stay out of sight….

 

Guess it’s me

not worthy of

love and affection…..

try to be better

and yet still

feel the sting

of rejection….

 

Broken bones

hopeless heart

ever feel whole

again?...........

drowning in despair

planning escape

the beginning

of the

end…….

 

A bottle of

pills

a slit

of the wrist…..

just one less

damaged soul

who no one

will miss…

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Christopher Robin]

I think you meant 'cheque' not check, but I checked (ha!) and American US standard is 'check' so you're right, hopefully it won't confuse.
Damn April, not sure what inspired you to pen this... I mean...being 13 was pretty horrible for me too, I think most teenagers have a tough time of it. Yet here we are, here we stand, and here we write, and the endless outpouring of admiration should - if nothing else - show you that those times are long past. 'Family' has a new definition nowadays, you need only look to your reviewers (the ones not trying to sleep with you...they're out there somewhere) to see you are surrounded by a supportive community. Mainly because I think most of them feel like they went though the same thing you did, or want to one-up you, but it's support nonetheless.
Don't get me wrong it's nice to see another side of you than the cheeky sexy one. But we write in the now, from what the past made of us. Don't dwell on your demons like all the other miserable poets on this site (though you d it better than most). Rise above and beyond. Show us what you're capable of ;)

-Robin

[AprilRN1210]

yea, I agree.. not big on the "woe is me" writing and that was not my intention here.... and yes, here in the US it is "check":P
you leave such thoughtful reviews and for that you have my respect and my appreciation... thank you...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow how did I miss this piece of powerful poetry... one of the saddest things in this world are kids who are born without a fighting chance.

[Moonie]

Wow, I love the title and the way the poem flows. It is beautifully written. However, I noticed a typo in the last line. Do you mean "whom no one" . My favourite lines would be
"Scared to sleep

of the dreams

that come

every night…..

always running

panicked

if I could just

become invisible

stay out of sight….."

[Fran Marie]

Sad that this is a harsh reality of life for many..a grim view for those borned into such circumstances nothing but hopelessness and dark despair...very descriptive write well done

[AprilRN1210]

Hey girl! It is a sad, harsh reality for many.. I am glad that you enjoyed this one.. I was nervous about posting, but without dark, how can we appreciate the light.. thank you:)

[Fran Marie]

exactly ..you're welcome

[Beccy]

Sadly, this is the reality for so many.

An insightful poem that tackles a difficult subject head on.

Beccy.

[AprilRN1210]

sad indeed.. thank you so much for this lovely review..

[Jackson H. Harley]

(Ive never been good with long reviews, many apologies) A realistic look on the subject, no sugarcoating in sight, I love the flow and structure too, great piece :)

[AprilRN1210]

size doesn't matter, content does and this one is perfect.. thank you.. nope, no sugar... from reading your piece I know you can relate on several levels.. I am glad you enjoyed sir... look forward to reading more of your work.. you are very talented.. it has been a pleasure to meet you:)

[Jackson H. Harley]

You are welcome, I did indeed feel a connection to this poem, and a pleasure to meet you to :)

[Stonz P.]

I think this is the accurate description of a person who suffers from depression, I mean in the whole 'symptom, cause, aftermath' case, and maybe even generally. I do not know if that was the attempt.

But, the theme of the masks we wear to hide the scars behind the smiles, is spot on. My experiences are different but still I can relate to this piece.
Thanks for sharing.

[AprilRN1210]

It was sort of a real look at the aftermath yes, the way demons plague you long after abuse and hell is escaped... The thought processed and feelings of what was endured... Other pieces I have done about journey back but this was a glimpse of the darkest place... Thank you for such an insightful, thoughtful review. I honestly appreciate it.

[Sunya]

So much feelings in the poem, its beautiful..and sad..and kinda inevitable for the number of drugged out w****s who dont give a s**t dont seem to decrease
The first of your writes i've read which is quiet intense without the same playfulness and frenzy of smiles..really intense
the last few lines were touching..i love the poem and the passion that comes along..
Respect
-Sunya

[AprilRN1210]

This one sure wasn't playful, you are right.. IT was filled with the pain of yesterday in that deep dark place that terrifies and cuts every time... was one of the hardest writes I have ever done, but felt it was worth it... not only for me, but if I could touch someone else, let them know they are not alone.. I am glad that you understand and enjoyed.. ((hugs))

[Sunya]

The poem was so intense, I was so touched by it that I didnt read any other poems after..very powerful :)

[AprilRN1210]

awwww, well thank you so much... it is one of the most real and painful that I have done, I admit.. I am glad I could move you.

[realmwriter]

I will be back to review But I loved this. Sorry, I was reading some of the following reviews on this piece and one in particular inspired me so I had to go write real quick. I absolutely love this. We put on big smiles and happy dreams, only for them to be crushed under foot by a carless, jaded world. Society doesn't seem to care and thus we become jaded ourselves. We almost think the masks we where are our true faces, we forget to look paste our grief. We see our childhood dissolve before our eyes and we give in to all the lies. We become that which we hated so much before we realize what, we have become. We think we are unworthy of love and joy and all the things that make us who we are. We get so lost in it all that we just want it all to go away.

This is a sad and dark write but I can relate because I've been there before. So broken that I'm still patching myself up. BRAVO April!

[AprilRN1210]

well hello sunshine! nice to "see you"... gotta think about it?.. hmmmm... not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing...

[Steve L.]

Damn, this is razor sharp. Cuts right to the bone. Very raw and powerful. I felt sad and angry reading this.

[AprilRN1210]

good morning Steve... yes, this one came from a deep, dark, painful place..... One of the hardest I have ever written, but felt if I could help someone else who has ever felt like this, or had to experience, then it was worth it.. Thank you for this thoughtful review...

[Steve L.]

I commend you for that. Not easy writing about stuff like this.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you again.... I learned it wasn't... but still feel it was the best kind of therapy and hopefully will touch others in the way intended..