Demons Decoded

Seeking answers to this dark angel's demons..

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”  
J.D. Stroube

The truth wants to be set free
crying out for you to know
numb… bitter.. from… arctic cold

prisoner ‘neath fallen snow.

I used to shimmer bright
life… illuminated.. me
now just struggle everyday
festering.. in .. vacancy.

How did I end up stuck here?
back to this scared, little girl
forsaken...or… abandoned
trapped in my own frozen world.

I used to be… so fearless
bullheaded, brazen and bold
a force to be reckoned with
truly…. a sight… to behold.

How did I end up dumped here?
with a shattered, broken heart
rattling….. ragged….. pieces
'twas savagely ripped apart.

I used to be so carefree
bubbly, spirited, and kind
now plagued with demonic fear
running rampant through my mind.

Now that I am really here
must break catastrophic chains
patching….. together….. pieces
fixing fragmented remains.

I will learn to love myself
stop trying to run and hide
letting other people see….
the real beauty that’s inside.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Beautiful poem, April. It's true you know, you can't love someone if you don't love yourself. On a certain point in our life, we all ask this question: how did I end up here? Contemplating at that moment about the way we have travelled may show us where we have failed or what we have to do better or in another way. Reading your poem, brought my thoughts to all this. Very well done. :) Rudi

[AprilRN1210]

What an insightful review!. I couldn't agree more and you summed it up perfectly.. Thank you so much, I appreciate your time, thought, and kindness. It is nice to see you:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

My pleasure, April. :) Rudi

[Einstein Noodle]

thank the Lord for poetry and expressive writing .. from your featured review comments i see this is about the real you :( ... so i read it again .. even better the second time ... like most of us i have been to this place .. seemed like being wakened with a 2X4 smack to the face .. dragged out of bed spun 50times around .. thrown out the door and told .. now get to work .. so not fair is it!?? love to you AprilRN .. love and peace and so glad to read your poetry :)
E.
ps the pic is superb .. i love the raven as a token .. the angel would make a great tattoo for one such as you ;)

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you so much for this awesome review E.. and yes.. does feel like that sometimes, I agree.. You are too kind.. I am glad that you enjoy your One-A-Day.. :)
I am trying to keep up with you.. tall order... jeez..
angel tattoo huh?...

[Caradoc]

I feel this one, although, I've never shone brightly, more like a dim glow. I'm a rather depressing sort of fellow, but I've seen light and beauty, held it in my arms and been warmed by its presence.

I sense not only a quest for answers in this piece, but also a desire to get back what was lost. Sometimes, that is possible, other times...it is only a futile dream. In my opinion, a once brilliant light that is faded can shine like before if it is given the proper care. Embers can be reignited if given a little air and fuel.

This is a beautiful, sad, and searching poem. It seeks for courage and other things. I hope that quest is successful.

Well written.

-Cara

[AprilRN1210]

well, howdy pot... nice to see you.. not too short of a review yourself you know.. :P

you would sense correct... proper care.. who the heck knows what that is and if there are even people out there capable of that anymore.. sometimes it is easier to keep that dim flicker safe behind walls with only the cracks to fuel it.. Thank you for this wonderfully, thoughtful and insightful review my friend.. we all seek answers, some just aren't what we were expecting:(

[Caradoc]

Lol.

I would classify proper care as that which makes us feel alive, valued, and loved. As for whether or not anyone is capable of giving it...I wonder that myself. I doubt I'm very good at giving it, considering past mistakes...But yea. You can stay behind the walls of your tower, and I'll stay behind mine. We can play chess via whiteboard. ;)

And yea...sometimes the answers we want turn out to be answers we wished were different...a lot actually, now that I think about it. That's life though...true?

[AprilRN1210]

sounds like a plan.... walls work.. sometimes too damn well.. a comfort and a curse...

yep.. too true.. be careful what you ask for--you just might get it.. and don't be prepared to ask a question you really won't like the answer to.. whatever is controlling the game, has a wicked sense of humor, in my opinion..

[Ashira Macy]

Beautiful and emotional, one of my favorite kinds of poetry. And you chose the perfect song yet again. Paramore is like one of my favorite bands.

I used to be carefree


bubbly, spirited, and kind


now plagued with demonic fear


running rampant throughout my mind.

This stanza called out to me. Such pain at the realization that you have changed so drastically from who you once were.

All around wonderful piece, thank you so much for sharing this! Brilliant as always!

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you very much ma'am... yep.. scary to see what you have become sometimes.. and wonder how the heck you got there, and if you can ever get back..
I am glad this one spoke to you and that you enjoyed.. :)

[Ashira Macy]

My pleasure, it was gorgeous.

[AprilRN1210]

gorgeous.. oh wow.. even my dark side huh.. you are such a sweetheart.. ((hugs)) thanks again..

[BL]

This is very different from your usual style, but this is written with your usual high standard proving you are a good writer who can turn her hand to most genres I shouldn't wonder. The content is thought provoking and leads to many more questions in the mind. The song fits nicely.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you sir, for this kind, thoughtful review.. I am glad I could provoke some thoughts over there, and that you liked it.. ((hugs))

[Jack Wolfe]

This is defiantly different from what I'm use to seeing from you, of course you've been changing it up a lot as of late. Strong and powerful, with only the style you can create.

[AprilRN1210]

well, hey Doc!! Thank you sir.. I have many sides to me.. Just what plagues my thoughts or heart at the time.. I am glad that you liked it, and as always, appreciate your visits to my work..

[Cory Barrett]

I feel that so many of us ask the question of how we got to where we are. I feel like the answer we most look over is "guilt". I know I get caught up in emotions for others, others that end up dragging me down. The reason i get caught up is because of guilt. Most of the scenarios that I get caught up in i have not reason what so ever to actually have felt guilty in the first place. Empathy can be a real b***h sometimes!

[AprilRN1210]

Yep.. and when your job everyday calls for exactly that, then what?... when no one ever stops to ask the question, are you ok?...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, sir.. ((hugs))

[Matching Socks]

Such a brave piece of writing, very well written emotional piece.
Life has a funny way sometimes...

We are beat down over and over, time after time and yet, as you put it, we will still try "to fix what little hope remains."

No need to run, no need to hide, just be, yourself. Always.
xx

[AprilRN1210]

Exactly, isn't always rainbows and sunshine.. I think I am a fighter, not a lover.... be myself?....Yes ma'am.. Thank you girl.. ((hugs))

[Matching Socks]

You can be a a fighter and a lover you know... :)
Just saying. ;)
Xo

[AprilRN1210]

ha... yea, I guess.. stranger things have happened.. who knows what the future holds..

[Saddam]

I will be myself
stop trying to run and hide
let other people see….
releasing all the pain inside.

Nice, a Great search of selfness. Lovely poetry as well.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you.. I am glad you enjoyed:)