Demons Decoded

Seeking answers to this dark angel's demons..

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”  
J.D. Stroube

The truth wants to be set free
crying out for you to know
numb… bitter.. from… arctic cold

prisoner ‘neath fallen snow.

I used to shimmer bright
life… illuminated.. me
now just struggle everyday
festering.. in .. vacancy.

How did I end up stuck here?
back to this scared, little girl
forsaken...or… abandoned
trapped in my own frozen world.

I used to be… so fearless
bullheaded, brazen and bold
a force to be reckoned with
truly…. a sight… to behold.

How did I end up dumped here?
with a shattered, broken heart
rattling….. ragged….. pieces
'twas savagely ripped apart.

I used to be so carefree
bubbly, spirited, and kind
now plagued with demonic fear
running rampant through my mind.

Now that I am really here
must break catastrophic chains
patching….. together….. pieces
fixing fragmented remains.

I will learn to love myself
stop trying to run and hide
letting other people see….
the real beauty that’s inside.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Beautiful poem, April. It's true you know, you can't love someone if you don't love yourself. On a certain point in our life, we all ask this question: how did I end up here? Contemplating at that moment about the way we have travelled may show us where we have failed or what we have to do better or in another way. Reading your poem, brought my thoughts to all this. Very well done. :) Rudi

[AprilRN1210]

What an insightful review!. I couldn't agree more and you summed it up perfectly.. Thank you so much, I appreciate your time, thought, and kindness. It is nice to see you:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

My pleasure, April. :) Rudi

[Trace]

Life isnt just for tripping merrily down the path of living
But for relishing every pothole, speed bump and curve,
while learningas much as you can throughout your journey.

Enjoy life to the fullest
And as much as I enjoyed this poem.

Trace

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you so much, Trace.. Sometimes wish I wasn't so little and those potholes so big...

read moreThank you so much, Trace.. Sometimes wish I wasn't so little and those potholes so big...

Such insightful, wise, thoughtful advice sir.. I will try.. As always, I love and appreciate your visits.. ((hugs))

[AprilRN1210]

why does it keep eating my words??... not fair!!

what I said was.....
thank you for the wise, thoughtful advice.. I will try... and that I appreciate and love your visits.. and I gave you ((hugs))... dang internet.. see.. even it picks on us little folk.. grrrr

[Trace]

We are not measured by our stature
But by the love we share from the heart

In my book.... you are a giant

[AprilRN1210]

Awwww.. you are so dang sweet!!.. seriously that made me melt over here.. jeez... thank you..

[NoelHC]

I mentioned in a review the other day how you always amaze me with the range of topics you write about, and how well you write them. This is just one more example to add to that list, a whole other facet exposed. Excellent writing April, the repetition works for me here.

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you, Noel for this lovely review.. and yes, you did mention that the other day, I am glad you notice:)
I always look forward to and appreciate your thoughts.. ((hugs)

[Blogger]

You must be putting yourself in another persons world in this write? These words don't seem to fit you personally, so I assume you are transfering yourself to a character. If so, very impressive.

[AprilRN1210]

We all have DEMONS that plague us.. they prey on your mind, your thoughts, your confidence, your heart, your soul.. I, like most people have more than one side to me.. I am multifaceted and have darker sides to balance the bright.. some days, the ghosts haunt and need to be released.. Unfortunately, this IS me.. it is my attempt at decoding my demons.. not as impressive, huh?... sometimes reality isn't as pretty as the words and fantasies we have in our imaginations.. Thank you for this lovely review..

[Blogger]

Well, likely true. But I do have a certain view of you that is very impressive and sparkling. No bad sides there! :0)

[AprilRN1210]

She is still in there.. just learning how to shine again... thank you:)

[Blogger]

I had no doubt of that.

[AprilRN1210]

Thanks again.. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

"I will be myself
stop trying to run and hide
let other people see….
releasing all the pain inside. "
I like the repetition of question. Gave the poem reason and purpose. The above lines are words to live by. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you so much for this kind, insightful review.. You are always so thoughtful and genuine and I appreciate you, your thoughts, and your time.. sometimes it takes a few times of trying before we really understand the question, and how to find the answers.. so needs repeating.. yes, I am learning to TRY and live by them.. not an easy task for me.. I am glad that you enjoyed this one..

[Coyote Poetry]

It was a very good poem and you are welcome.

[AprilRN1210]

((hugs))......

[Vidya Bacchus]

This is sad April.Sometimes we realize that we don't know how we got to this point in our lives.Girl life is hard but it does get better and when you are at your worst you have to believe that.You ma'am have such a wonderful talent for making people feel :)

[AprilRN1210]

Awwwww, girl... Thank you so much. That is what I truly try to do.. allow the reader to FEEL what I feel.. see what I see.. I am glad that you enjoyed and I was able to do that here.. Life is hard, but I am a fighter:)
((hugs)) As always, I appreciate your time and thoughts girl, and especially your friendship!

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome hunny.I appreciate your friendship a lot too and yep I'm a fighter too I refuse to lie down and let life walk all over me.I will go down swinging always.HUGS ma'am :)

[AprilRN1210]

yep... me too!!! go down fightin... :)
thank you again ma'am..

[Vidya Bacchus]

........................:)

[ron]

This reads more like a song. Very nicely crafted April. You have many gifts that you share with us a little at a time.
You are truly a talented artist...artist because it seems that mere poems or stories are not your only gift to us, but the spoken word and now songs. I wonder what other gems of glory we shall see in you...our sweet innocent nurse :)

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you for this incredibly sweet review, Ron.. I love that you are always so positive and supportive.. I appreciate your friendship and thoughts.. I am glad you liked this one.. sweet and innocent eh? :)

[ron]

You are most welcome April.

[J. K. Beach]

April-- You have, I think, already come a far distance from the self you describe here... the self that was, 'festering.. in this.. vacancy.' I've been there as well , and often return for brief visits... You, though, seem to have re-mediated yourself in your writing and now your code is strong and clear and defies the darkness. You have a gift for piercing straight to the heart of a matter, but also the ability to deliciously obfuscate the sensual and cloak the erotic in mystery. Such is now your fate... the return of that '...force to be reckoned with/truly…. a sight… to behold.' I am just glad to be able to read the fruits of your labors. This is excellent work!

[AprilRN1210]

Hey old spice!! This is such a kind, thoughtful, insightful review.. I cannot tell you how much your sweet words mean to me.. Thank you for taking the time to "see" me and for your continued support and encouragement.. You are pretty awesome you know... I am glad that you liked it.. ((hugs))

[Mark]

Ok… first of all a confession…

I love this song….. This morning I read at work, so didn't get to hear it,
I revisited tonight and heard the first notes, and recognised…. I haven’t heard the acoustic version before (a piece I absolutely love…). So I stopped reading, I planned to come back ;) I just didn't want it to distract… so I listened, then refreshed and reread…… WOW!!!…. You are a genius…. These are your lyrics… I didn't realise....

this time, I read in real time...... seriously… goose bumps…. (Hope that’s a universal term ;)
You have such a unique mind April….

as always... thank you for sharing…

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you for this awesome review.. I am glad you were able to get the full effect.. Yes, this acoustic version is one of my favorites of hers...

[Rene Salinas]

This came out really moving! Having been put into anglican schools it remind me of something they and others call an auricilar confession but rather than sharing this with a church figure you have just reflected it upon yourself . Very loyal also the reminder that althought some might swear by the truth when it comes we don't really want to hear it , I found that funny. So from wanting to being to not wanting it seems as if we can't win can we?

I like the sound of this riddle

Thankyou April

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you, Rene.. I am glad I was able to move you and that you enjoy my riddle.. I appreciate your time and thoughts and always look forward to your visits:)