Demons Decoded

Seeking answers to this dark angel's demons..

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”  
J.D. Stroube

The truth wants to be set free
crying out for you to know
numb… bitter.. from… arctic cold

prisoner ‘neath fallen snow.

I used to shimmer bright
life… illuminated.. me
now just struggle everyday
festering.. in .. vacancy.

How did I end up stuck here?
back to this scared, little girl
forsaken...or… abandoned
trapped in my own frozen world.

I used to be… so fearless
bullheaded, brazen and bold
a force to be reckoned with
truly…. a sight… to behold.

How did I end up dumped here?
with a shattered, broken heart
rattling….. ragged….. pieces
'twas savagely ripped apart.

I used to be so carefree
bubbly, spirited, and kind
now plagued with demonic fear
running rampant through my mind.

Now that I am really here
must break catastrophic chains
patching….. together….. pieces
fixing fragmented remains.

I will learn to love myself
stop trying to run and hide
letting other people see….
the real beauty that’s inside.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Beautiful poem, April. It's true you know, you can't love someone if you don't love yourself. On a certain point in our life, we all ask this question: how did I end up here? Contemplating at that moment about the way we have travelled may show us where we have failed or what we have to do better or in another way. Reading your poem, brought my thoughts to all this. Very well done. :) Rudi

[AprilRN1210]

What an insightful review!. I couldn't agree more and you summed it up perfectly.. Thank you so much, I appreciate your time, thought, and kindness. It is nice to see you:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

My pleasure, April. :) Rudi

[TheLostMind]

April, you never fail to leave me speechless. Another fantastic piece. I think each one of us can directly relate to this poem. The questions you have asked are similar to ones we ask ourselves everyday.. Yes, in life, there will be ups and downs. Many, many times, things just don't fall into place. These are our testing times. Such situations will make us doubt our own decisions, capabilities and beliefs. They will make us wonder if our approach towards certain things in life are correct. This is when the demons enter. They eat into our minds, hearts and souls. They make us build walls of insecurity and hatred around us. They turn us into something which we were never meant to be.

In life, we might fail but our determination and confidence shouldn't fade into naught. We should believe in ourselves and never let any one apart from our heart guide us. We should break the chains that hold us back, chains that stop us from being who we are underneath.

I kinda disagree with the quote though - "but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life.". Life isn't about finding answers to questions. Life isn't about asking "why always me ?". Its about living with your decisions, your beliefs without ever looking for an answer for the things that happen to us (because there isn't one..). Life is pure binary. You either do something or you don't. You say something, you don't. We will have to live with whatever path we take. The only thing that matters is the answer to this one question - "am I doing the right thing?". Interestingly, this answer can be found easily.

All in all, a great write. A treat for my eyes and mind.. Good job :)

[AprilRN1210]

I can see your point, and agree with it somewhat. Life isn't about finding the answers.. but those answers help you to avoid making same mistakes and accepting the past.. it helps you to move forward.. true.. there isn't always a clear-cut and dry fix.. meaning.. answer... but there are things that help empower us along the way... knowledge is power... I love your reviews and appreciate them.. thank you my friend.. I am glad you enjoyed.. :)

[TheLostMind]

There are no " mistakes".. Only things that didn't work out as we thought they would. :).. Before making that decision( mistake ), you of all people might have wondered - " am I doing the right thing??" if the answer to this was " yes", then there is nothing to regret, nothing to learn. :) As far as the review is concerned, the pleasure is all mine.. :)..

[AprilRN1210]

always something to learn:P.... else history repeats itself..

[TheLostMind]

So, you plan on measuring different people using the same yardstick??.. Just because things didn't go well with someone because you "decided" to do something doesn't mean they will go wrong again... Your argument is like this - " some mistakes kill you, others give just about enough time to compose your own epitaph".. :P.

[AprilRN1210]

hey hey... way to twist my words mister!.. not exactly what I said, but will agree somewhat... lessons are lessons.. and no... don't judge everyone using same yardstick.. :P

[AprilRN1210]

ok mister... I am here.. I have reread my piece and your comments.. and I still stand by my beliefs.. but do see your point and agree somewhat.. happy?

[TheLostMind]

No.. The damned servers are still evaporating my virtual tears.. :( :(

[AprilRN1210]

virtual is right.. pffft.. imaginary crocodile would be more apt... try again... as you say, find another "word".. lol

[TheLostMind]

"Imaginary crocodile" is 2 words ma'am.. Where is your math?. Also, I am very sorry.. I am forcing you to look at reviews which say - "April, you never fail to leave me speechless. Another fantastic piece." or " April, this is beautiful." or "April, this is brilliant." or "Wow!.. just... Wow!... nicEly done" and so on.. Yes, I am a meanie.. I am making you do what you hate the most.. :P

[AprilRN1210]

I didn't say it was "one word".. I just said those would be more apt... and it is hard not to giggle every time I see your avatar... not fair!... and I always adore each one of my reviews, they are the opinions of my friends on my writing..

[TheLostMind]

I wanted to put "Uncle Scrooge" in there.. Didn't have enough time.. Dang :P

[AprilRN1210]

how about oscar the grouch.. lol :P

[TheLostMind]

You were saying something? :P

[AprilRN1210]

cute... I like the other one better... made me giggle.. he looks too serious there...

[Fran Marie]

Those demons can really take down into the depths of despair.. and we get stuck there..so hard to get back to carry on and pick up the pieces...love the alliteration and the last stanza shows hopeful positivity...kudos

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you Fran.. we do get stuck there.. and it is hard to carry on and pick up the pieces.. I appreciate your insightful, thoughtful, sweet review.. ((hugs)) to you girl..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

life can beat us down, put our motivation in chains...and sometimes it is so hard to get back up and fight our way back...

this is such an emotion filled piece...the carefree spirit gone...the person we used to be shattered.

but the pieces can be put back together...just takes time and courage and resolve to beat these demons.

[AprilRN1210]

that it does Jacob.. time, courage, and resolve... thank you.. it is always such an honor to hear your thoughts on my pieces.. I appreciate your time, opinion, and friendship:)

[ksscampos]

Wow!.. just... Wow!... nicEly done

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you very much!... glad you enjoyed :)

[Sami Khalil]

By the way, the song is gorgeous...:).................

[Sami Khalil]

Those demons do make us prisoners indeed, some of our own choosing, others of anxious fears. Minds can run rampant from reality when the imaginative is obscured in shadows. The fragments that remain, need tending and healing where such brazen reckonings abandon us in the cold. What is real beauty if not the beholder living it and cherishing the inner illuminations? For I behold not the wallowing despair but the sunshine of your magic...Excellent...:)..................

[AprilRN1210]

Hey Sami!.. this is one of my older ones.. I just redid the picture and dusted it off.. I am tickled you enjoyed.. they do hold us prisoner sometimes.. thank you for this lovely, insightful review.. I always love hearing your thoughts on my pieces.. and love this song:)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome....:)........

[Eleanor]

I love this poem!
Sometimes our only enemy is our demon inside. Our own mind. The most dangerous thing for us
Very less are able to control these demons. They are strong and powerful and can affect us a lot!
This is a great poem :)

[AprilRN1210]

Thank you so much.. those demons in our mind are powerful and will control us if we allow it.. so true.. I am glad you enjoyed this.. :)

[Eleanor]

You're welcome :)

[JJHII]

I love this poem.reading some of the other reviews It seams like It is easy for most to connect with as I know I did and the word placement to my me is perfect.

[AprilRN1210]

wow... you have read a few of mine, haven't you.. nice to see you again sir... I am glad you enjoyed this one.. I was pretty meticulous with word placement in this one I admit... thank you for this lovely review... I am off to check out some of your works... :)

[Jeremy Baker]

A universal message, a longing to be set free from the chains that shackle us. Nice form and structure, which facilitates a flowing read. Each point and counterpoint is considered, thoughtful and engaging. Very good write!

[AprilRN1210]

what a lovely review! thank you.... I am glad that you enjoyed this one...

[Wynter Ignatius]

Our demons, our omnipresent past is often our worst enemy as it knows us often better than we know ourselves - dangerous secrets and the power to bring them forth makes for a nefarious arch-nemesis to us all.

I too have struggled with the whole self-love thing seeing as my two divorced ended in the blame game with me the "winner" of the endless "prize" of all the blame and shame; granted, I know that not to be true but I also still can't deny my part, no matter how small so despite them both moving on to greener pastures I take my half of the blame, be it my burden or not. See, I take things like matters of the heart seriously, maybe why I wound so easily, maybe why saying "I love you" doesn't flow from me as easily as it might have before, but I am a different man now and can forgive, grow and move on with my life too. Hopefully you are on that path, but if not but ask and people who care will see you through it.

Of course, outside these reviews we have chatted a bit, so you know my hat is that ring in various forms - utilization is but your design.

But you are right, it holds us down, tears apart out built up progress to the foundation, rocks us to the core and leaves us with scars few will ever see and even less will want to or bother to look for. Even worse, you find someone willing to do all that and only a small percentage of them will want to help us heal - the sad reality of our day and times.

But I would not say you hide really in reading your words. Sure, I know you have your defenses and your safety nets, but you are an open an honest person - it's like a sonar ping; you are looking for an echo of equal or greater measures that speaks your language in this sea of souls. We all are really even if we won't admit it.

I can't speak to your being broken besides I had to hand in it, I can not speak to your fears unless you feel comfortable confiding those in me and I can not stop the reasons you cry without first knowing the cause; I am as helpless as you, and even more so because I was not present or brought up to speed.

As my poem goes, I'm Not Superman, but that is another story in its own right.

What I can say is this - you do have a light, dim maybe (could fool me though) and it will shine again. Keep your head up, deal with your demons one at time rather than all at once and if needs be get the help of others you trust and all will change - most certainly not tomorrow, but one day that statement will ring true for you.

I feel I may have got a bit long winded there again, but when the words speak, I listen, I respond in turn.

Wonderful as always and please keep at it...
Keep at the poetry too of course.

[AprilRN1210]

wow... awestruck by this review.. you sure know how to leave a girl speechless, don't you.. wheeeew... you are one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I have had the pleasure to meet on here.. the amount of time and effort that you have put into reading EVERY single one of my poems and leaving such deep, insightful, giving reviews is.... well... amazing... it blows me away... seriously... I don't know what to say, but thank you.. you have taken the time to look not only at the words, but deeper and express what you see and what you think.... for that I am humbled and honored... and touched... I have taken all of your words to heart and will cherish them... . thank you...

[Wynter Ignatius]

Is it odd I don't want you speechless after reading these all?

That said I took the tine not as work or necessity but rather a desire to read more, to know more and lastly to maybe feel a shread of what you feel from these works.

If there is something I learned it is a bit of who you are and what shaped who you have become - even darkness can create light.

[AprilRN1210]

haha... well for speechless, I managed to semi-coherently write a response eh?.. that is so dang sweet again... darkness tries to extinguish this light, but I am a stubborn soul i guess... thanks again...

[Wynter Ignatius]

No guessing here.

[AprilRN1210]

haha... true.... can't help it... it has helped me survive thus far... :)