Calling Ghost

Calling Ghost, a short story that needs immense editing and more of a storyline. Please let me know if you would like to collaborate with me or help me edit.

A gust of cold winter breeze breathes life into the dusty off white curtains. Stagnant echoes come howling down the dark damp hallway. The darkness from one side of the endless hallway screeches out your name. All you hear is the sound of your name with the whispering wind beckoning. Your mind tells you no, but you can't resist the enticement of your name being summoned. There is a constant tingle through out your rigid body, it starts from your toes and ends at the tip of your fingertips. Upon breathing in the air, left behind is a lingering sensual mist. The mist takes a life of its own as it dances swirls around your head, it cannot be ignored. You follow the dancing beguiling mist down the hall towards the darkness. Then there it is, you stop at a complete catatonic halt because out in the distance you hear the ghost. You hear a voice teasing you into a tantalizing trance, "Come to meeee. Come to meee." In reality this cannot be but in the longing of an inner wandering fantasy is a dream that you constantly wander into when asleep. Without hesitation your feet quickly move as your body follows the soulless figure in front of you, it floats in and out of rooms. Struggling to get out of the clutches of its hypnotizing trance but you are kept prisoner until the story reveals it self. Their soul is stained on your hands as the screams pierce your eardrums. A silent scream is trapped inside your own head with this calling ghost, " Remember! Do you remember?" An intense burning heat rises from deep inside your piercing heart, slowly in an instant right before your eyes your trembling fingers turn into ash as you are consumed. Sunlight breaks through the dirt clouded window as it points directly to the pile of ash that use to be the human flesh of you.

Reviews

[Desper]

I'd say it's a perfect description and narration, perfectly timed story, since the beginning, slowly introducing the scene, the mood, the longing for a recurrent fantasy, the sense of impending danger and being unable to escape at the same time. One thing I noticed, at "Their soul is stained..." it's a bit quick and vague, it was a crime, a murder? Maybe another sentence would help to reinforce the intended effect. Other than that I think it's a very well written story.

A strange coincidence for me, because I just registered here and this is the first story in the list, quite appropriate for my personal feelings. I have no experience about writing or editing so don't take my opinion too seriously. I will give a 90 just in case, but I could give a 100 score as well.