In Bed with Apathy

I challenged Ragtag Jesus to write a poem about lazy so I had to write one too, took a while because I couldn't be bothered...

I lay beneath my blanket of apathy

it envelops me, slowly

smothering the life

from me until

all that's

left

is

.

 

Reviews

[Phil Askew]

Awesome! I think you've captured the feel of laziness, the desire to remain in bed, the dwindling energy, the acceptance of unimportance. Your construction dwindles down, your words rush towards nothing. Perhaps you would consider "beneath" instead of "under." "Blanket of apathy" is a great metaphor, maybe "it smothers the life from me" for I can't see a blanket "consuming." Loved the poem.

Phil

[Murphy]

i like the dwindling format... all that and then you are left with a period... lol... somehow that doesn't seem quite fair!

[Spoken]

I love how it slowly dwindles down, becoming less and less. The shape in itself shows how apathy is consuming. The metaphor of the blanket is perfect, many find comfort and warmth in not caring or feeling.

[Rain]

Great illustration of how we become insignificant in our laziness. I dream my greatest dreams when I am curled up on the couch in mid winter. This was perfect. Rain..

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

Very good way of portraying the emotion and just plain ahhh maybe later.... feeling.

Then there are better days....

Kath

[papaed]

it's a good metaphor. many are passing through this life uncaring for issues... for others... even for the future. it's as easy as laying in bed with no concerns or reasons to get up. personally it's been many years since I could wake without immediately feeling I must get up.

The simplicity and ee cummings style use of words is very commendable.

thank you for sharing.
papaed

[R J Askew]

Brilliant and wittily observed. It captures the moment perfectly. Another squashed fly job!

[[untitled]]

I can so relate to this piece. Sometimes I wish I could find a blanket just like that but my life won't let me ...lol

[PianoandPage]

i like this. the ending with the period is great.

blankets are almost mystical with their comforting abilities.