Vanilla Sky

Someone came to view the house today

he returned later and brought Michelle

I smiled and greeted them, then withdrew 

tried to fade inconspicuously away

 

A smokey plume, portent of doom

masked as glitter dust tornado

lingering haze, faith caught in the maze

tendrils of hope drip wishes

 

Hard to hide, absorb myself inside

no wallpaper in which to blend

the unwanted mate gatecrashing a date

while the house flatters, flirts and woos

 

Drunk on the view, a heady brew

they are finding it most beguiling

conspiring we, to let them not see

broken promises, house and I keep smiling

 

I bid them goodbye, and with a sigh

watch the sun spear beams on the sea

til blood fills my eyes from vanilla skies

sun sets on our hopes and dreams

Reviews

[Tree]

A moment of remembrance, captured. This poem is almost like a painting in my mind; and there is a sense of melancholy here, and it is palpable. A poem that crystalizes, better than a photograph.

[April Child]

Gosh melancholy indeed, an old write revisited.. took me right back there. Maybe time to clear out my closet ;)

[THE BLACK SEAL]

A smokey plume, portent of doom

masked as glitter dust tornado

lingering haze, faith caught in the maze

tendrils of hope drip wishes


need i say more? bravo!!

[J.P.O.et]

The view must really be something,
This is a really beautifull and personal piece
like a small slice of your life and the words you use are perfect
Great read, thank you
J.P.O.et

[Spoken]

I love how you gave life to the house.. like an old friend or lover trying to keep hidden from the buyer the pain that lingers.... hopeing they won't see what you see within the walls. I'm glad you went trigger happy on this, cause I wouldn't have wanted to miss such a wonderful piece :)

[Phil Askew]

Sometimes, letting go of inanimate things can be like losing a friend. Moving on, can mean an end to familiar surroundings. Personifying your house, captures these feelings, the relationship, the loss. Two things: : "tendrils of hope drip wishes" is extremely difficult to say, perhaps you could re-word that line, and "watch the sun throw spear beams on the sea" might be better as "watch the sun spear-beam the sea." Your poem leaves us torn between success at selling it and wishing you could stay. Good luck with it, either way.

Phil

[R J Askew]

this poem capture the sadnesses of a moving on moment beautifully. the sea is often very evocative of moods and here it adds to the feeling of sadness, especially with the achingly beautiful last line. 'brought michelle' was like a slice of life from a Beatles lyric. 'No wallpaper in which to blend' has an immediacy which makes the reader also feel there is nowhere to hide. This was rubbed in with 'unwanted mate gatecrashing a date.' I love the line 'house flatters, flirts and woos.' And then you become part of the fabric of what is going on: 'house and I keep smiling'. 'Spear beams on the sea' is a lovely line and brilliantly observed. But the last line is the one.

[Karma]

wow, having to let go, lovely piece my friend and filled with sorrow. Your usage of words in this are so beautiful

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

Selling the house, leaving the house just makes it all so permanent doesn't it? To show the house and talk it up and not think about what it meant to you - would be impossible. Your words show the bittersweet feelings of moving on and the tug between the past and moving ahead. I love the vanilla skies - like a blank canvass - but you know, it is your time to paint the new picture my friend - be bold and choose well.

Kath

[[untitled]]

This is just perfect, a lovely piece of poetry. I love it.
"A smokey plume, portent of doom
Masked as glitter dust tornado
Lingering haze, faith caught in the maze
Tendrils of hope drip wishes." ................I adore this. It is for me the air of the prose. Best wishes, Bethlynne.

[PianoandPage]

i love the relationship you have with the house... how you describe it.

my favorite line was about wanting to blend in with the wallpaper that isn't there. what a unique way to say you are a wallflower.

i feel that there is a story here but i am not quite grasping it. you have definately written beautifully though. i love the "glitter dust tornado". fantastic!