a crash is imminent

friday night horrors.

frantic beating chest in horrific convulsions, lungs gasping for air,
the seconds are carved out of my skin as my own killer is standing there.
i'm whirling inside, aghast, feeling my heart pulsate like machinegun fire;
and i think it's nothing, but it's been forty-eight minutes of hopeless desire.
my mind races as i contemplate obscurities of matters all too insidious,
and my own horrors become realized as they illustrate a mural all too hideous.
what's taking her from me, and why won't she answer my call?
oh my god, please don't tell me that this won't take me, because i'm giving all.
it's only the weekend, and i've been looking forward to her all day,
and with each passing eternity the knife is driven further to my decay.
maybe something happened; i mean, my grades were pulled today;
maybe hers were too, and her mother just took her phone away.
i don't know, i don't care; i just want to know why i've heard nothing.
i'm starting to get scared now; maybe it's the fear in me overstuffing.
thrice more i've heard the same droning machine over and over again,
and i'll say it now that i won't be okay forever, and i won't pretend.
once more, and i'd always say i love you, no matter what the means,
even though you know i still would say it, no matter how it all seems.
i fear in every passing second that you will be taken before your time.
even though you're not scared to die, i fear that you'll never get to be mine.
i'm scared that you'll be gone long before i get to hold you in my arms,
and i'll always be scared that i'll never be able to protect you from your harms.
it's a curse, a burden that i'll carry until you're safely here to care.

Reviews

[Donald Olds]

That wasnt bad. What got you started on it? What was your motive?

[Gravedigger]

Very good, right up until the last two lines. forgive my frankness, but the ending just was not very effective. first of all, it doesn't match up with the title, (which implies impending disaster, as in it cannot be avoided) and second it comes across as a tad whiney. what was REALLY good was the way you built it up from begnning to middle and pre-ending; from slow, agonized worry to the generating of excuses, and the like. I also really liked your word choice. Bravo to your vocabulary! (A point that many people forget to use...they use the same word over and over, and it dulls the piece) One last pointer; try to clean up your sentances a little towards the beginning, because they seem forced and it messes uo the rhyme scheme, which you crafted beautifully.

All of this said as a fellow writer, I applaud your work, and look forward to more from you.

Best of luck!

[Kimmee Jean]

Yeah...its was grades...again...plus i got my butt in trouble again...I'm alright...thank you for caring...i was trying to get your number from everywhere and my sister still had it on her cell so i have it with me in 3 different places so dont worry...I'm okay, just a little shaken at my mom but otherwise okay

Baby, i love you