Undone

This one just came to me out of nowhere, it seems.

I still wait for my love story,
But no longer brood in empty
Drawn out light of summer’s
Discontent…

          Will I die without knowing?

          You must be there…
          Somewhere…
          Winter licks my body,
          Yet my bosom remains warm…

Secrets I cannot hide
If for one moment these
Brown eyes blink…
Frost drips from dark lashes,

And I stand unfinished as life
Kisses death…
Flames transfer to ashes
Scattered upon Lake Erie,

And I am
Finally free….
Wondering…

          Amidst a fragrant blue mist
          Of forget-me-nots…

 

 

Reviews

[These Haunted Hallways]

Woh, dude, this was totally awesome!!! Im like shocked right now-It totally blew me away hehe. I love the haunting effect you gave it, and the melancholy tone of lonliness and despair that really made it. It's like a lost soul walking the beaches at night searching for a long lost love or somethin, and u become a ghost in the process--kinda creates this haunting hopeless romantic story that can make anyone who reads it cry. I had a few tears myself hehe. This really hit me a lot. I definitely agree with Coyote, too. Beautiful piece! Fantastic job here! :)

B.A.

[Everett DeValle]

Breathtakingly beautiful poetry, Tami. Bravo.

[Art Sun]

nice work on this poem Apollonia...

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Beautifully written! The pictures was super!

[quinfinn]

nice! you pulled me right in and kept me there throughout. beautifully written
and full of personal honesty. ah, love...one can never say it all. btw, love that particular song by madonna.

[jessicamarie19]

I wish that I did not relate to this poem as much as I do but ... that is irrelevant!

This is an excellent piece. I am an echo here, providing nothing different from the reviews you have already received, but I wanted to submit my two cents anyways. Personally, my favorite line is "and I stand unfinished as life/kisses death..." There are a lot of references in this short piece that make a full-circle... from seasons, to life/death.

Good work.

[Krisen Lison]

Amazing, this piece has so much to it, yet it's so simple just the same. I have no words. Just, wonderfuly done.

[MuSe Ampoule]

A very sensual piece, beautifully written.
"If for one moment these
Brown eyes blink…
Frost drips from dark lashes,"
very nice

[Erotic Goddess]

You must be there…
Somewhere…
Winter licks my body,
Yet my bosom remains warm…

Lovely...the words drift softly over the senses and the image ends it perfectly...it was darkly melodic and drifted well through the conscious...

xxoxx

[seeeker78]

I love this poem, gives a feeling of despair and hope at the sareally well same time, well done :)

[Emily B]

some words pull us back again and again . . . you could have been writing for me, for any woman, truly the mark of good poetry