The Coming of Lillith

something a little different

 

 

the silvery moon softens me
I dance in her waning shadows
a veil removed, unable to follow
Time reveals a phantom queen

I am the crow as I come and go
in the midnight hour I am free
smoldering fires beckon me
silhouettes, black mirrors I know

She offers mocha agate to heal
embracing renewal with energy
she caresses with fingertips, gently
whispering,
                        ‘don’t think, just feel…’

Author's Note

I'm practicing with structure, folks. Tried to look up the form for this piece but couldn't locate it although the rhyme scheme is a-bb-a. Please be gentle as I'm new to this particular form,, and it can be quite tricky. Lillith is the goddess of darkness in addition to being a beautiful flower that thrives only in the dark. Thanks for reading, my friends.

Reviews

[Dani California]

This is fantastic, Tami. Wow. I tend to be drawn in more by structure, in writing, in art, in life...

One of the things I find fascinating about your work is, even in a structured form, it flows effortlessly. I think I've said this before with some of your other structured pieces. It takes a special talent to flow like the sea when there are corners, and then to use a complex subject matter too? You're incredible. I mean that.... wow.

[Judy]

I was struck by this piece - particularly by the title - and then by your photo that you attached - I am not really good at structure - so I cannot comment on that - but I liked the imagery that you portrayed in this piece - there are some great words and metaphors used here - so,,,,

[Nayan]

I loved the flow, the rhyme. The a-bb-a form might not have been fully correct (except the 2nd stanza). But, surprisingly, the non a-bb-a stanzas are very beautifully rhymed! (may be because of the ending words like 'queen' and 'feel' :) )

I also loved the used of metaphors and the adjectives used throughout your poem.

[Rory CJ Frankson]

Seek to find the rhyme, in ABBA... {I chuckle} ;)

Mmm, there is much to the story of Lillith of the first worlds creation,
as her beauty was too perfect to reflect, not, but wonder to behold. In a nights season, beyond reason... where passions played. Eternal. The fragrance of her blossom, like a sirens song. Lay waste... the senses.

Cool rendition... "don't think, just feel," it's cadence. Darkly delicious!
Write On / Right On
Romon in Review

[Raymond]

Can't critique the form as I'm no poet. However I thought it was a great story. Poor Lilith received such a bad rep by a bunch of old men. The poem set the correct mood for such an ode...very nice work.

[Seshat Nidaba]

I think you should write more poems about persephone-type characters! Very underwordldy, awesome.

[.]

beautifully structured..really captured the essense of Lilith..

[searchingpoet]

I love this...you capture the seduction of Lillith's embrace.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Hi Appolonia .. been too long.. this is wonderful reading.
I think the form is fine .. i am sorry i know little of forms..

But the words I do ... and this is wonderful , especially the last line..

"don't think, just feel"

Good advice.

Chloe

[jenbem]

I like this a lot, especially since you're playing with form. I -hate- writing in form but I think it's something every serious poet needs to try, the restrictions of rhyme and meter will eventually open a whole other world of writing. Very good imagery also.

[Senseless whatever]

I read this three times and the symbolism keeps growing. fantastic job.