hush-hush

adaptation of a poem by William Blake called 'Love's Secret'

 

 

Always keep your cloak of mystery,

        Spread across the violet sky,

            Or he might miss your beauty,

                   Seeking softer, silent eyes.

 

                        She unveiled her secrets;

                         She unclothed her heart,

                         For she loved him...too soon,

                      She unclothed her heart.

 

                  Dreadfully, he did depart;

             A puzzling stranger came by,

         Whispering in the quiet darkness,

Whisking him away with a sigh.

 

Author's Note

This is wriiten just as his was...three quatrains with rhyme occurring in lines two and four...one and three... There is such truth in Blake's verse, yet it is but 12 lines.

Reviews

[The Viking]

Fantastic, and profound. I went back and read Blake's version and this is a perfect female perspective to that same truth, keep your feelings to yourself, lest your lover grow bored of you and move to something more exciting. It's tragic that you can't just be straight up and pour out your feelings, but it's true. You always have to keep people guessing. My favorite line was right here:

"Or he might miss your beauty,

Seeking softer, silent eyes."
Urging the reader to keep their feelings secret, so one is constantly enraptured with them instead of learning all they think they need to know about that person's heart, then moving on to someone else who's better at hiding themselves. I've always found it best to show love, not say it. Talk is cheap. Thanks for posting this. The best poems always tell some kind of truth, so says Edgar Allen Poe.

[SM Davis]

Lovely. I have only one question, is the repetition of the second and fourth line in the second stanza meant to be done on purpose? A beautiful picture.

[Legion]

Sometimes the most powerful messages are said with the fewest words (or even in silence). Well done chica.

[An Ordinary Woman]

I haven't read this one, it's gorgeous and is a nice one to wake up to. I enjoyed it very much Apollina ... I love William Blake's writings too ... thank you

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I simply love 'Love's Secret' by William Blake and I have to admit that I equally loved this poem as well :)
The lines, the rhythm, the pattern..everything is just perfect.
But a poem can not be outstanding with its emotions and this certainly has been enriched by your emotions.
I really felt a connection here and that was very striking.
Great work :)

[Tate Morgan]

i LIKED IT T WAS A SWEET MELODY BUT .FIRST STAnza sky and eyes eyes shouldnt be plural
second stanza shouldnt use heart twice bu it is near perfect

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Very good! This reminds me of some women I know whose boyfriend broke up with them, just to find, a few months later, he was engaged to another woman. Ooooh, it made them mad. I love the idea of "unclothed her heart," what a great line. I know I have revealed my past and my weaknesses too many times to men, and it has made some leave me because they thought they couldn't handle it.

I had no idea you were following a form, because it flowed very naturally. Beautiful! just like all your pieces.

Kena

[Dani California]

Oh how I miss reading thee. I'm reviewing from my phone so I can't leave the more entailed review I'd like to -but I must say A ... excellent form & content. Love your work dear lady... :)

[Sean M. Addams]

i'm a fan of William Blake so this piece defintley caught my eye.... liked this alot the imagery in this was done very well... this piece captures his spirit nicely... great job on this one... i'm impressed...

[*** Hey Jude***]

I love the way you share your emotions in this remarkable quatrain, {I think poetry is stretching and make old rules obsolite}. It stands out to me because of the well-chosen words that that flow into a picture. This write comes from your soul's striking verve; I can actually feel the energy that comes from each word. Great write that carries many truths are relatable to a lot of people! ~ Jude :-) xo