Follow Thy Sun

Sonnet IV of a series

 

The gazing silence in my eyes serves purpose;

Comprehend the plot -- read between the lines;

My exodus lies in your equivocal course;

Aphrodite calls me, so allow this to nobly die;

Each day with you is coveted by darkness;

As I rest near the black brook, no tears remain;

Another has moved me, and I must depart;

I fancy he is waiting at seduction's gate;

Uninhibited, I am free within his warm thighs;

Explorers beneath a crimson blanket--deep;

My wings spread as I feel his life inside;

I taste the sweetness of unbridled desire;

     For you are winter -- my heart you slain;

     He is summer -- sophistication I gain.

 

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

Well now that's eloquently amusing: "Hit the road, Jack" (or, "Dear John, your wussiness leaves me cold") as written by a female 17th century Bard! Chicsphere.

I like the quietist declaration of romantic death, appropriately black-coded, followed by the crimson new blood love.

Tense quibble: "For you are winter -- my heart you slain;/He is summer -- sophistication I gain." I know you want the slain/gain rhyme, but it would be "slayed." How about "my heart you stained" and "sophistication I gained"?

Fine work, otherwise. Is it autobiographical? Gosh, I thought I was next! ;-) Let me know when you need a profound savage. ;-)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow this is absolutely stunning... you own this style of writing with your sensual desires and unbridled passion ooozing from this piece like pure magic.

[R J Askew]

Your sonneteering is really growing on me. This one is particularly intense and seems much longer than 14 lines. Like the first line which has great drama. Also like the 'black brook' and the melancholy it implies. 'Seduction's gate' is another fine dab. 'Explorers beneath a crimson blanket -- deep' is such a positive contrast to the previous. 'My wings spread...' is a strong line of double meaning, both positive. 'You slain' is perhaps a bit strained to make the rhyme with gain, but I am sure you can fix that. Overall a strong poem which makes me want to read your next one. Sonnets rule!

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Beautiful. I love the way you describe love or passion in such a poetic way, it's full of substance, and i have to read slow so i can savor each stanza, and really absorb it all! lol. i like the ending:

For you are winter -- my heart you slain;

He is summer -- sophistication I gain.

(referring to winter turning into summer, what nice touch.) thanks for sharing!!! always a treat

[These Haunted Hallways]

This was pretty cool the way ya wrote this hun; I really like it!! Almost like a Jack & Rose theme, where she cant stand one guy, but falls completely in love with the other. Brilliant, love ;)

B.A.

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

i loved it

[Legion]

I will always take summer over winter any day. A intoxicating write. Out with the bad. In with the good. Kudos.