Over and Over

So here I sit, churning s**t in a circle, and the sad part is I don't know what else to do.

Over and Over

Monday

I got up this morning.

I pressed 'snooze' for two hours.

I've been meaning to go the gym.

I know I won't.

I hate my job.

I hate my co-workers.

I hate my boss.

We're just a bunch of robots who churn s**t in circles for might-as-well-be minimum wage.

Took a lunch break.

Forgot to pack a lunch.

Drank a soda from the vending machine instead.

Sat with Suzie.

She told me her chemo is going well.

Went back to work.

Went home.

Roommate's turn to cook again.

She can't cook for her life.

I ate, and then went to bed.

For some reason, I wish I had a cat.

Somebody to share the bed with, I guess.

Tuesday

Set alarm early to get up to shower.

Pressed snooze for two hours.

Again.

Showered.

Was late to work.

I don't care.

Nobody cares.

Lunch break.

Suzie isn't here today.

I don't think she'll be coming back.

Work.

Go home.

I cook.

Well, I put frozen pizza in the oven and retreat to my room.

Roommate doesn't bother to say "hi".

I don't care.

Eat frozen pizza and feel like vomiting.

As per usual.

Go to sleep.

Or try, at least.

Wednesday

I actually get up when my alarm goes off this morning.

I don't work out though.

I do drink an extra cup of coffee and watch the Morning Report, though.

I wish I had just went back to sleep.

Roommate screams when she sees me.

Thinks I'm an intruder.

I tell her it's just me.

That doesn't seem to make anything better.

I go to work.

I eat lunch.

No Suzie.

I vaguely wonder if she's dead yet.

I go back to work.

I wonder if they'll send me home if I shove a pencil into my eye socket.

They probably wouldn't.

Roommate makes spinach pie.

I'm not sure if I actually like spinach pie, or if I just pretend I do.

It doesn't matter.

Shower, brush teeth, pajamas, bed.

Just another day.

Thursday

Wake up in the morning, at my usual time, and vomit violently into the toilet.

I go to work anyway.

I don't think Cancer is contagious.

Coffee tastes like dish water.

I drink it anyway.

I hate Thursdays.

My boss, Robbie, smiles at me.

I don't smile back.

He eventually walks away awkwardly.

I don't care.

Lunch break.

Somebody is sitting in Suzie's spot.

I don't know them and I don't tell them to move.

But I want to.

Back to work.

Punch in numbers and stare at a computer screen.

Somebody kill me.

Please.

Go home.

Frozen food goes in oven.

Smile at roommate.

It looks more like a grimace, and we both know it.

Retreat back to my room.

For a second, I think about calling my mother.

She died a few years back.

I don't know why I thought about that.

Go to sleep.

Don't actually sleep.

Friday

Wake up.

End of the week.

Not sure of this is a good thing, or bad one.

Maybe both.

I don't know care.

Show up for work on time, for once.

I think my boss is going to fire me.

Whatever.

I hate him, and this job anyway.

The new employee was sitting in Suzie's seat again.

I'm almost positive she's dead.

I can't bring myself to tell him to move.

What does it matter if he sits there.

Back to work.

I'm lethargic.

Tired.

Fatigued.

Some other synonym.

Go home.

Avoid roommate.

I don't remember whose turn it is to cook.

She cooks anyway.

I don't eat.

I'm afraid that if I do, I'll just vomit back up.

It's nice to have an actual, valid concern for once.

Refreshing.

Almost.

Tired.

Bed.

And I sleep, in what feels like the first time in years.

Saturday

Don't even bother to hit snooze, just sleep through the alarm.

Noon.

Roommate comes to make sure I'm alive.

Upon seeing that I am, she skitters away.

I watch the sun.

Up and down.

Gets dark in my room.

Can't build up the effort to move.

So I don't.

Saturday has come and gone.

What do I do if I'm not at work?

Sunday

Same thing.

And all I have to look forward to is the same routine.

Over and over again.

Author's Note

Oi, so I was feeling emo? (don't judge me haterz /sarcasm/) Any criticism at all would be appreciated. Really. I'm a needy attention whore.