V.2 In Memoriam

The details of a man's sorrowful life. Extended and edited version of the original In Memoriam.

Friday, March 1st, 2002

The first day we met,

You said and waved hello,

And at first sight, I just knew

Two days went past,

And we saw each other again,

It was fate, the lining of the stars,

That you and I, we would last

You walked up to me,

As I was to shy to do the same,

You said hello and shook my hand

I asked you out, to see if you and I could be

You said you would go,

And I jumped for joy inside,

I asked about this coming weekend,

And you said you'd let me know

I called to confirm out meet,

And you said tomorrow would be good,

I hung up the phone to prepare,

Feeling accomplished in my lover's feat

I fell tired, and went to bed,

Woke up the next day,

Dressed up in Sunday's best,

You looked beautiful as well, I said

We drove to our dinner,

Looked up to each other,

Staring quietly into each other's eyes,

And I swear, I saw a glimmer

Once we finished and I payed,

You and I walked out to a movie,

I then took you home,

And asked if you had a nice day

You said it was fun,

Gave me a hug coupled with a grin,

Walked into your apartment,

Signaling for the night, we were done

Sunday, March 3rd, 2002

Two days passed by,

With me restraining not to call,

What to do? I had not a clue

Finally the time grew near

So I picked up my phone,

And punched in your number,

Then paused with aching fear

The past two days I waited,

Anxiously and eagerly I stood,

Then when the moment finally came,

I stood silent in fear, confidence vacated

I stared at my phone for hours,

For what seemed like days,

Were only minutes scrolling past,

What am I? A coward.

Finally, gaining the backbone,

I grabbed the phone and hit call,

I waited for your voice to answer

But only ever heard the tone

On the last ring of the call,

You answered and said, “Hello?”

I said, “Hey, it's me.”

And said no more, that was all.

I realized I wasn't clear,

So I mentioned my name,

You replied in excitement,

Destroying any remaining fear

I asked you out again,

But before I could finish asking,

You gave a delightful YES!

Everything was going exactly to plan.

The date went like the last,

Perfect and joyful as could be,

I dropped you off at your home,

Our first moments, I would never pass

A month passed, then a year

Time went by so fast,

But with you, it went slow

Our memories, beautiful tears

Tuesday, April 8th, 2003

I sat at my desk thinking,

Writing a poem for you,

A present for our year anniversary

It didn't amount to much, I know,

But it was from my heart,

And thats all that would matter.

Here it is, as follows:

“Your brown hair flows down,

Cascading like a river,

And just around the corner,

Are your deep brown eyes.

A face as smooth as alabaster,

And a tone, precious as the star,

But I love much more who you are,

Than the beauty I see each day

You're kind in midst of anger,

Forgiving, even when in pain,

A love so great, I cannot contain,

You truly are too perfect to be real

Every moment we are together,

I feel blessed beyond compare,

I love you more than I can bear,

And I want to be with you, forever”

I closed down the computer,

And headed to your place,

You let me me in with a hug and kiss,

A glimpse to our perfect future

I handed you my letter,

You stepped back and held a tear,

Then the floodgates opened,

You jumped in my arms and said, “You remembered.”

Saturday, June 19th, 2004

I took you to the beach.

While we were lying on the sand,

I told you I loved you, the one I adore

I stood up, and took you by the hand,

Knelt down on my right knee

And asked your hand in marriage,

Kneeling down in the sand

Your eyes instantly shined,

Holding back tears of joy,

With a smile brighter than the sun,

And you said yes, you were mine

I got off my knee, slipping on the ring,

I gave you a kiss and danced inside.

Finally we would be together forever,

Bound by a love, everlasting

Sunday, October 2nd, 2005

I stood at the front of the altar,

Waiting for you to come down the aisle,

For us to pledge to our new life

The doors opened wide,

With you glowing dressed in white.

Beautified head-to-toe, perfect

And there you went, to my side

The entire church went silent,

As I stared deeply into your eyes,

We both said I do and goodbye

And off on our honeymoon we went

Tuesday, July 17th, 2007

The day our first child came to life,

After nine months of anticipation,

We held our little piece of heaven

We named you after your granddad,

In remembrance of his life,

We held you close and tight,

You made us so joyful and glad

Such a small, precious little creation,

We never wanted to let you go,

But the doctors needed to examine,

We never knew what would happen

The child we so cherished and loved,

Joined the saints in the stars that night.

Despite our love, we couldn't save him,

Why did you let this happen, oh God above?

When we received the dreadful news,

The doctor came in with stifled tears.

His hands shook holding his clipboard,

Never looking up from his shoes

“We-we couldn't save him,” he said

And he turned and walked out the door,

I could hear his sigh of desperation,

Coupled with her screams of dread

Her face looked shattered and pale,

From the loss we both sustained,

But it hit her more than me,

I tried to help, but to no avail

A month or two went past,

Then you came up to me and said,

“I-I think we should try again.”

Both our hearts appeared healed, at last

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

To the hospital we both went.

The doctor came in, file in hand

With a joyful expression

He said you were with child!

And in a few months we would know,

If it would be a boy or girl

All we could do is sit and smile

Friday, March 7^th, 2008

What a glorious day it was.

In came the doctor with his device,

Determining boy or girl, it was the day

In came the ultrasound,

And we saw our first glimpse

Into the man you'd become

All we had were smiles and laughter abound

Such a small creation you were,

Something so small in this large world,

But you were our beautiful baby,

And nothing else even mattered.

Wednesday, July 30^th, 2008

Round two of giving birth,

Up to the hospital we went,

Hoping we would have a different fate

The child came through perfectly,

More beautiful than I could imagine.

The doctor placed you in our arms,

We loved him more than anything

As we held him tightly,

We discussed what him would be named.

The debate then ensued,

Finally deciding to call him Chaney,

I saw him begin to grow,

To see his hands unball,

Waiting for him to start to talk,

Watching his face gain its glow

It didn't seem long til his first word,

As it echoed through his mouth.

He uttered a mumbled phrase

First Mama, then Dada, and Yes the third

Friday, June 6^th, 2009

He took his first steps alone.

He stumbled just a bit,

But it didn't matter. He did fine.

All his mother and I could do is grin,

Looking at each other with joy.

We couldn't contain our excitement,

This love, we never wanted to end

Thursday, August 19^th, 2010,

I headed out for my job.

I left a bit late that day,

I couldn't know death would strike again.

He ran up to the door,

To try and wave goodbye.

I couldn't see him waving,

I heard him yelling, but not what for.

I suppose when I didn't wave goodbye,

He wanted to tell me up close.

He ran up behind my car,

I didn't see him, so put it in drive.

I pulled forward and heard small cries ,

I immediately ran out to look,

To see what was making the sound

And I refused to believe my eyes.

There he lay, in a pool of blood and bone,

In shrieks of pain and anguish,

I panicked, watching him die.

I reversed, and got paramedics on the phone.

Screaming at the very sight,

His mother ran out the door.

There were no bars held on the tears,

As she held his head by his side.

Chaney only lasted minutes,

He had lost too much blood.

His chest was all but flattened,

His body nearly split

This marked the end of children,

With two ending too soon.

One by the hand of fate,

The other...I refuse to say again.

She blamed me for his death,

I suppose she a right in doing so.

I was so rushed in my own life,

So much that I caused him to draw his last breath

Years went by,

And depression began to set in.

I could see you start to fade

I could feel your heart begin to die

I knew something had to change,

To bring you back, to save you

From the depressive void you were in.

But you and I had become so estranged.

You were but a distant wanderer,

And I the simple passerby,

I wanted to get closer,

But with each attempt, you only got farther

Saturday, October 2^nd, 2012

Our seventh anniversary.

I decided I would make one last attempt,

To save us both, instead of a forever farewell

Another poem I would write,

This time more from my heart.

I would tell you how much I loved you,

And how you alone were my life's light.

“I don't hear your voice

The calm, soothing sound,

I miss it in my heart,

Every moment we are apart.

The world all surrounding,

Has hidden your face from sight,

I can't remember it's beauty,

It is but a faded memory.

I no longer feel your touch,

We've put this distance between us.

I am numbed to its joy,

Something not even a kiss could employ

A silence in a forest,

Or a veil on wedding's day,

Even being numb to the core,

I will still love you, forevermore”

I walked up to you,

To hand you my little letter.

You took the letter and read the poem,

You had no idea what to do.

I told you I'd always love you,

That I'd never let you go.

I said that you would always be mine.

That I would be without a clue

Your hands began to shake,

Holding the honesty scrawled before your eyes.

Your tear worn eyes began to glossen,

And your emotional walls began to break.

You broke down in tears,

Flooding the poem in sadness and joy.

You gave me the first hug in months,

The first time I saw joy in years

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

To the hospital we both went.

The doctor came in, file in hand

But we left overwhelmed

You were diagnosed with terminal cancer,

One with no hope of a resolution,

All we could do is hope and pray,

Pray there might ever be an answer

Each month that passed by,

I saw you start to fade more.

Near the end of it all,

It was as if there was no life

I did my best to console you,

To try and make you see some joy.

But you shut everything out.

There was nothing anyone could do.

Saturday, March 1st, 2013

I took you by the hand.

Six years from when we first met,

Would be the last day you'd be seen

When the time finally came,

You let out all that you bottled in.

You showed a side I didn't know existed,

But your life, we still couldn't save

In the hospital bed you lay,

Holding my hand tightly,

Telling me you loved me,

And that you were so afraid

I told you everything would be just fine

And that I loved you more than life,

I gave you a kiss on the cheek,

And then I heard you flatline

All I could do was sit and cry,

I couldn't speak, I was silent.

Holding the still warm hand,

Of my now deceased wife

Now the stars don't seem to shine,

They are but shades of their former selves,

They don't dance with the same fervency,

Ever since the night you died

Every night since then,

I just sit and watch the sky.

I can't imagine a life without you,

When you died, that was my end.

Saturday, March 1st, 2014

I am sitting at my desk.

Six years since your final breath,

I am staring at this pain filled screen

Here lies your memory,

And our lives together.

Describing the love we shared,

Your personality, perfection, and beauty.