As They Ought

What if this is the key to love?

“If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.” - Goethe

This quote strikes me differently than most. Most read this and see how they relate to the common man, how they treat him and how they should treat him. That particular view is not necessarily wrong, and follows the quote more exact than my perspective.

I read this and I think of relations in which we currently have where the person is as they ought, or what we believe they ought to be. Or they appear to be what they ought. An interesting aspect of this is one of love. The old saying goes “love is blind”, but just how true does this statement reign, and just how applicable is it?

How can once beautiful couples that eventually age hold together if there is no substance rather than the looks? It cannot. However, if the relationship is blind, then there is more to be held and more to be thought of the individual than just their outward appearance: they have heart.

But, how does one even develop this sense of love? Well, you see, we already have been given the answer. It's in the quote I opened with: “see them as they ought”.

What if, and this is just hypothetical, we see each person we love as they ought to be, even though they are not? What if we are by nature blind to their faults in essence creating them into what they ought to be and thus allowing us to love them passionately? What if that is the key?

The girl or guy you stare at in the hall, is s/he not perfect? You've said so in your mind. You've seen their faults and wished them away as beauty. You chose to be blind to their faults and even took it a step further as to place the qualities you wish they had into them through some abstract looking glass until you saw they were finally worthy to be truly loved and accepted by you or society.

Love is blind, you say? I would disagree. Love is neither blind nor insightful. Love is simply waiting for us to become blind to the faults we choose to see and waiting for us to choose to accept what each person ought to be as what they currently are.

To accept each other in their current state and tell ourselves that they are in the prime state we want them to be in. Slowly but surely, maybe, the person will become molded into that by our minds if not by their actions, creating something to love.

The trick to love is a mystery, some say. There are books upon books on the subject. But what if, what if the very answer you seek was as simple as blinding yourself to their faults and seeing them as they are in the light that they are as they ought to be? What if...

Reviews

[roscoe]

While I am not disagreeing with your point of view, I would have to say that the quote you centered your piece of writing around has more to do with the character of an individual, rather than their ability to love or be loved by another. While I can agree that love notices the faults in another, and does not simply tolerate them, but appreciates them, I would argue that love is not the driving force behind the positive progression which lessens or eliminates an individual's character or moral flaws. A loving relationship, in my opinion, is a guilty estimation of what brought you and another individual together, in other words, the recognition and praising of so many working, moving parts which allowed either fate or chance to take its course.

I ask you this, what is a loving relationship which produces a family, and keeps friends and promising careers for 20 years, but then suddenly falls apart due to an unfaithful partner? Or financial ruin? Death, even? What are each of these scenarios, at some points more likely than not, but guilt-ridden, moving pieces in a great contraption that we each build and are each solely responsible for?

I like the quote, I had not heard it before. But I think it deals more with personal character, and how one impresses themselves on their world around them. And I like the points you made, but from my perspective, I think it is too difficult to consider changing one's character for one other person. For love. It is, in my opinion, what makes it worth devoting yourself to someone else, flaws and all.

Thanks for sharing.

R