What's A Man To Do?

This evening's tobacco choice: Dunhill Elizabethan Mixture.

My what a dreadful rest I had. I believe the issue was that we had somebody staying over whom I don't know all too well; trust on such occasions seemingly accounts for much more than I had previously acknowledged. I inted to keep this entry short because of my level of tiredness.
     I'm working at the library tomorrow, oh what a great place the library is; not just this particular branch I work at, but the whole spectrum of libraris and what they symbolise. Free knowledge for those whom understand the worth. When I ponder the types of individuals I see in the library, I'm always reminded of the autodidact in Sartre's Nausea - if only I could speak to them, to listen to all they have to share. I wish I could listen to all people all the time, yet, that's far too much of a grand task.
     Ah, my language and grammar is terrible this evening; strong tobacco plus natural fatigue mix so beautifully, but how poorly does one write under such relaxation!

Oh yes, I've just reminded myself of one thing I am to look out for tomorrow at the library - people staring at me, or glancing on multiple occasions. It's come to my attention over the last few months just how many people look and stare at me. Now, my condition makes it difficult to understand the reasons and meanings behind such things as this, but one thing I have noticed is that it's mainly females I catch staring. Some form of attraction towards me? Perhaps, it's certainly possible, I'm a handsome chap, but I'd hope this isn't the case. I'm far too much and far too different than most people I have had the pleasure of understanding, one might say I'm broken - either case, my being is not something I would want to deal with if I was another encountering myself. Mmm, perhaps if I'm able to befriend the other workers at the library I'll be able to question the ladies there - whom seem normal enough - about what this staring is all about.

Mmm . . . what drivel am I writing? What's a man to do under such circumstances? He's to enjoy his tea and tobacco, then to place his head to rest . . .