Second Thoughts And An Unanswered Question

If title captures your attention, Please read my first published piece :)

Introduction

 

I never really knew his story or what he was all about. The only thing I can conclude is that he thought a lot. As did I, but he really didn’t think that I had thoughts. Or at least that’s what I think. He never really told me what I wanted know, or what I think I would have wanted to know. I only know what I thought then and what I think now. There is such a thing as readable material that does not appear in written format. I don’t know that I am readable, but body language is the souls way of expression. Or at least I think it is.

 

So we were meeting outside of our institutionalized meeting ground we called high school for the first time. I think I was going to suggest going on a bike ride. Better yet, a walk. That way I would be sure not to ride in front of him and come off as being competitive.

He said, “Come to my house, its just 4 miles down the road from yours.”

I’m thinking, I’ve never had to meet anyone’s parents…formally. Instead of thinking to myself that it was only a first date/hang out session and there was a possibility it wouldn’t work out. I stuck to my gut. It’s going to work out.

 

Question to Self: Who on a first date… gets half naked in a two- piece swimsuit, freshly shaven legs with the best smelling lotion on?

Answer to self: Every girl who is new to the blossoming relationship or fling world.

On second thought… probably just me, pretending this is the real me, then he soon comes to learn that this really isn’t me, but we don’t have to worry about that for another year or three…

 

What exactly went wrong here?

This is exactly what I fear.

Myself in a state of uncertainty,

how could I have let it get the best of me?

All I know is that he was probably thinking too much. Or maybe he was thinking all the right things.

 

I tend to second-guess myself when things are so far back.

And what I lack?

Is to reflect things before they become the past.

 

I was a little older this time, possibly in my prime. Whatever that means. Basically my body looked a lot better than it felt. It was the struggle of being a student athlete, full time.

We had class together, he never caught me staring and I never caught him staring.

 

Question to self: What’s his ethnicity?

Answer to self: dark hair, dark eyes, and dark skin for a.... Definitely Italian.

On Second thought… he’s probably just not into you. That’s fine too.

 

He asked me on a date right before practice on a Thursday. I’ve never been on actual date before, where I have to talk, eat and still look presentable.

It was going well, but I knew it would be awkward on Tuesday when we go to class and our friends ask what we did last weekend.

 

Question to self: Am I supposed to say aloud? Are we a secret?

On second thought, it doesn’t matter. We don’t need people in our business anyway.

We kept it quiet and cute for around 6 months.  It was nothing made out of something. On second thought, it absolutely was something. That was made of nothing.

 

 

What exactly went wrong here?

This is exactly what I feared.

Myself in a state of uncertainty,

How could I have let it get the best of me?

All I know is that he was probably thinking too much. Or maybe thinking all the right things.

 

I tend to second-guess myself when things are so far back.

And what I lack?

Is to reflect things before they become the past.

 

Apparently, I was the crush of his childhood and the thought of me never made it into adulthood. On second thought, I did very briefly. I was surprised to see him probably as much as it was a surprise for him to see me.

 

My thought currently?

It’s still not meant to be…

 

When the past turns into the present,

I don’t know how to recollect it.

It’s a minor but deep obsession,

 that I am hesitant to mention.

I can’t really get past it,

 I am afraid I’ll have to ask him.

 

Who did you think I was, the day you fell for me?