There comes a time when there is
need for a hero. They may not be what you imagine, and they may be much further
from the ideal than you may imagine. Sedohr is a lowly servant, raised in the
servitude known only to slaves. His parents were the fodder of a war long ago.
He is a young man now, living his life as a shadow in a home of the conquering
country. The home isn’t much, just a part of a hill fort, with maybe five families
living inside. The hill fort was surrounded by forest, and off in the distance
you could see a much larger fort. He was never treated poorly by his owners;
instead he was treated more like a son. Even though his owners treated him
well, each of the other families treated him like a slave.
A couple weeks after his 18th
year, Sedohr was let free of his slave bonds. His owners didn’t care to keep
him as a slave, and rewarded all his years of servitude by setting him free. He
continued to live amongst them, but put the effort into a dugout dwelling. Soon
after he finished his own dwelling, he moved what little belongings he had into
it. It seemed bare with only a straw bed, a bow and spear, a knife, a couple pieces
of pottery, and a few strips of meat. He had only enough things to survive, and
survive he did.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
He was a great hunter and trapper,
and by making everything he used himself, he became a skilled craftsman. These
skills were put to the test a few months after he had moved out on his own. A
warrior scout moved swiftly through the woods while he was hunting, heading
towards the hill fort he was raised in. Far behind the scout a band of warriors
was silently following, numbering in the dozens. Those warriors carried a
variety of weaponry, anything from spears to stone hatchets.
He moved swiftly to his home,
gathering anything that could be used as a weapon; his bow, spear, a make-shift
hatchet, a short knife, and a slightly larger knife as well. He packed the
hatchet and knives in a cloth bag and tied it off. He slung the bow across his
back then attached the bag to his bow. He carried his spear and ran towards the
hill fort; it wasn’t more than an hour run. As he arrived he noticed the scout
running back to his warrior band. He quickened his pace, needing to reach the
fort before the warriors not far behind.
He reached the fort, and asked them
to let him in. At first they refused, having forgotten a familiar face. He
reminded them of whom he was and told them why he had come. They quickly let
him in so that he could finish his tale. The fort had grown, and now a few
dozen families lived among those he had left only a few years before. Only a
moment passed as he absorbed the changes to his old home. Then he proceeded to warn
them of the warriors heading towards them, and told them to send word to Letni,
the larger fort. They sent a younger boy to deliver the message, and began
arming themselves with spears, hatchets and knives. The hunters retrieved their
bows, and the women hide themselves and the young.
hmm....when you do numbers under one hundred you always write them out [i.e- 5 should be five]. There wasa point in the story when I was confused...you said he had only a bow, a knife and a spear. I didn't think there was a passing in time but when he was leaving the fort he had more weapons. And, I think you should've put more detail into some of the story, such as in the end when 'he absorbed the changes to his old home' maybe put in a quick flashback as to what has changed? I'm done my nitpicking now. Overall I liked it, just needs a little more detail. But you might've had a limit to how how many words you could type. I always went over the limit in W.C. but the teach. didn't care....anyways..I like it. You're doing a good job :)
I'm a concept artist and an animator who loves visual storytelling and animating spectacular animations, and I was really impressed by your work on this story/fic. I’d love to work together in a paid collaboration and create arts and animations inspired by your amazing stories.
If you're on social media, I'd be happy to connect. Here are my handles:
Discord: leaonacolin10_56838
Gmail : [email protected]
hmm....when you do numbers under one hundred you always write them out [i.e- 5 should be five]. There wasa point in the story when I was confused...you said he had only a bow, a knife and a spear. I didn't think there was a passing in time but when he was leaving the fort he had more weapons. And, I think you should've put more detail into some of the story, such as in the end when 'he absorbed the changes to his old home' maybe put in a quick flashback as to what has changed? I'm done my nitpicking now. Overall I liked it, just needs a little more detail. But you might've had a limit to how how many words you could type. I always went over the limit in W.C. but the teach. didn't care....anyways..I like it. You're doing a good job :)
I'm not normal in any case (Feel free to ask away). I enjoy reading to get a release into someone else's world. I enjoy writing to share my world. My Story "Fallen Mortality" Was started a couple year.. more..