A problem that has no name

A memoir by a silent martyr that took all pain to herself. She wants her readers to be enlightened and not be the same as she was. She wants them to speak up before its too late.

Have you ever faked a smile and said that you’re fine, when you’re screaming, “No, I am not fine” all to yourself? Have you ever felt utterly lonely in a room filled with people? Have you ever felt that none has understood you? Have you ever wanted to say something, but remained silent for the fear of rejection?

I’ve been through it all.

I’ve never learnt to be honest with my feelings. Wasn’t we all just taught to be a good girl and conceal, not feeling and just behaving like everything is normal. It’s more polite that telling what’s on your mind.

I’ve lost count as how many times, I would have faked a smile. I smile and act cool, even when all I want is to scream to that person that I just don’t agree with him. He just can’t judge me and just go on talking about subjects that make no sense to me. But still, I continue the conversation ahead as if I am more interested in cricket and good looking guys more than I’ve been weather. Dude, I would rather talk about you and me, than a celebrity crush, that knows not whether we exists or not.

But, celebrity crushes are addictive, aren't they? You can create fan-fiction around them and while away your time, distract yourself faraway from your troubles and doubts.

I feel into the trap and soon become busy with distracting myself. All that things that I made fun of, I feel prey to it. I told myself, I will never fan-girl, but Asian dramas did the magic.

I was enthralled by the exquisite scenery, good-looking men and women, clichéd romantic story lines, different sounding accents, culture, deep soul-searching thoughts and dialogues. It was a great escape route. I could imagine myself being in Korea and Japan, surrounded by foreign people, away from all the trouble troubling me at my present residence.

I could care less for being a loner in the crowd. For I had fictional friends back home, waiting for me to virtually take me to places that I've never been. I know it’s cowardly of me, but try being surrounded selfish people that could care less for your pragmatic, life-changing, out-of-box ideas? So, I did what I could do, shut my mouth and fill myself with fictional characters.  

Life had been tough and rough. It was tough caging me with such lame coping up strategies. But I did what I could do.

I mean, I've been fed well, wore gorgeous clothes and have even been liked and looked up to by many people all through my life. Life could not have been perfect otherwise. But, there was gaping feeling of fear, vagueness and worthlessness creeping in. It was scaring me off like crazy. So, I did all in my might to feel okay and fine, like I always pretend to be.

But recently, whenever I go on-line to social media, I am boarded with so many quotes on depression, worthless and the vague feeling that I was feeling. It was then, that I realized that I wasn't alone. The most shocking thing happened, when I heard my friend from class complaining about a similar problem that she couldn't quite nail what was bugging her. But she knew that definitely something was amiss!

I was trying to dismiss it as a part of teenager’s growing up process. But what was more troublesome was learning that it was not just prone to teenagers. Almost people of all walks of life, feel strained, tired and suffocated to a great extent. There must be something fundamentally wrong with all of us.

It was then; I came across this particular syndrome named “The Housewife” that women in America suffered from during 1950’s. Betty Friedan in her book, “Feminine Mystique” inspired by a French writer and thinker, Simone de Beavoiur’s book, “Second Sex” wrote about this peculiar “Problem that had no name”. Many women suffered silently through this problem. They felt dissatisfied, even when they have achieved all that they wanted�"suburban house, electronic gadgets to make their works easy and a loving husband that provided for their women.

The problem was unidentified and never even discussed, let alone to find a solution for it. You must know the problem to find a solution. The problem however was that these women sacrificed their identities, wants and desires just to live up to that social image of having the perfect family. They were scared to be left out or called as a “neurotic” that wanted a career instead of a loving family. So, they decided to run along, they ran along, until they felt too tired and got trapped in “the problem that had no name”.

Today, the scenario is more different. It’s no longer poor women running around to find husband instead of careers. It’s more than that. Thanks to popular culture, societal pressures of perfection and epitome of having a “good life”, we all run behind things that we actually don’t want. We trap our self in a cage and don’t allow us to follow what we want, now that makes us guilty and regretful for not taking a path we wanted to take. We all try to live up to an image and have ultimately have stopped living for living.

No wonder, most of all feel this vague feeling of dissatisfaction, even when we seem to be gifted with all goodness available in the world.

Even when we know that we are suffering from a problem that we aren't able to name, we either suffer it silently or wail about it in all possible means possible. The solution will however occur with accepting who we fundamentally are and throwing all our images of perfect bodies, look, behaviour out and just living for living.

Now, it’s easy to say, but listen to me, I am trying and feeling far better than better. I always wanted to create castles in air, write stories and try making a living out of it. I know I am far away from it, but I've started taking first few steps towards it and it feels amazing, already. Rather than just thinking how, what and when we put our ideas into action, it feels better to just put that plan into action.

“Don’t wait till the iron, becomes hot. But make sure it’s hot by striking.”

It does work better that way. Finally, we know we have a nameless problem to deal with that is because we refuse to live the moment as it is, but rather try to live up to image that either we built or others built it for us. So, how do you plan to solve the problem? The ball is in your court and don’t forget to play with it as you please and not as you’re told.

@_@

 

 

Author's Note

Please tell me what you feel about my take on this topic. Notify me about grammatical errors and help me with giving me reviews as how can I make it more better. Thank you.