The Budo Show: Judge Budo

This is a skit for an ongoing camera project I have with my friends, where we film funny skits similar to SNL. I was inspired to write this by the ridiculous verdict of the Ethan Couch case.

(Host comes out dressed like a judge, with a small hammer)

Host: Hello this is The Budo Show and I am your host Budo. This is a very special episode of the Budo Show because today I am going to be assuming the role of a judge. Reality shows like Judge Judy are quite the sensation these days and I am really hoping to jump on that bandwagon and at the same time I am looking to bring good old American justice to those who deserve it. Anyway bring out the defendants.  

(The defendants come out while late night, talk show, jazz music is playing. Host stands up and shakes hands with them. One is a white teenager and the other is a black middle aged man)

Host(sits down): We will have order in this court. (Host slams hammer against the desk) So the first case involves Timothy McWilliams III. Is that you? (Host looks at the teenager)

Teenager: Yes.

Host: Timothy, according to the evidence presented to me, you ran over a family with your Ferrari and then you smashed the Ferrari into a tree killing an endangered species of bird.

Teenager: Yes your honor.

Host: Why did you do this Timothy didn’t your parents teach you to drive responsibly and not run people over?

Teenager: No your honor, I come from a wealthy family that never thought me how to be responsible. I am suffering from affluenza as a result of my upbringing which is a condition where one is too rich to be responsible.

Host: You poor kid…..

(Teenager is texting on his phone)

Host: You are free to go son (Host hits the desk with his hammer). Ok so our next case involves Rodney Jones and he is being accused of armed robbery (Host points to middle aged black man). Mr. Jones, did you rob a convenient store?

Mr. Jones: Yes your honor.

Host: Why did you do that?

Mr. Jones: I didn’t have enough money to feed my wife and kids, and pay their hospital bills.

Host: Mr. Jones you say you are suffering from povertritis is that right?

Mr. Jones: Yes your honor that’s a condition where I am too poor to feed my family and pay their hospital bills so I have to rob stores. My dad was in jail since I was 10 and all he thought me how to do was rob people so that’s all I know how to do. I can’t help myself it’s how I was raised.

Host(laughs): I tell you what, your daddy must’ve raised you to be a comedian because that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Povertritis is not a real condition, you can’t just make up psychological conditions like that. You know how many people in jail are currently suffering from “povertritis” (Host signifies quotations with his fingers)? Am I supposed to free them all now?

Mr. Jones: But I was desperate! I got no education, no money, no job…..I needed that money!

Host(interrupts): Sir! Sir! Don’t make me go all Judge Judy on you, the law is the law and you can’t just go around robbing convenient stores!

Mr. Jones(points to teenager): But this spoiled, irresponsible piece of s**t ran over an entire family! While playing around with his daddy’s car! He killed more people than I did, including endangered birds! And you are gonna let him go!

(Teenager continues texting oblivious to everything around him)

Host: You get 10 years in prison Mr. Jones  (slams hammer on the desk).

(Camera zooms in on Host)

Host: That’s all for this week, in this special edition of Budo’s Show. I had a lot of fun sentencing people and although it’s not an easy job, I do this because I love the smell of freshly dealt justice. I can’t help but feel extremely good about myself and about the fact that justice has been dealt tonight. All of you can sleep easier knowing that the true criminals are in jail and the spoiled rich kids suffering from affluenza can run you over with a car and get away with it. Thank you.