Forgive me if I'm wrong

Can you say hello to the sky without saying goodbye?

There's no poetry without pain,

There's no love without loathing.

There's no dreams without sleep,

There's no sleep without day,

There's no day without pain,

There's no pain without dreams.

There's no life without lethargy,

There's no pretence without presence.

Blinks last a year,

Dreams not half as long,

Thoughts come and go,

But life's the longest thing I've ever lived.

Reviews

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This is interesting, love how you have wrote this out.
You seem like a mysterious person, that makes you interesting.
I don't agree with everything in this poem though, when you blink it goes on all your life, you don't stop blinking haha, lasts longer then a year i assure you.
Though i enjoyed reading this, great job :)

[Anti Phalanx]

Thanks for your review! But I don't agree with everything you've wrote though; I don't think I'm an interesting or mysterious person at all. And the time it takes to blink feels like it last a year, the juxtaposition here's meant to describe how life for me's going quite slowly. And one day I'll have to stop blinking regardless, if not that seems quite daunting to be fair.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Its just what i made of the piece.
But fair enough.
Ur welcome

[mattavelli]

Well done. Maybe it's hormonal. Have fun.

[Anti Phalanx]

Excuse me, I don't quite follow. Hormonal in what sense? It's been a good few years since I've studied any science and the only hormone I can recall is dopamine. You know, the one that can make you nauseas like how I felt when I read your review.

[mattavelli]

Pms and puberty

[Anti Phalanx]

Thank you for your review.

[Daniel Sutheran]

Lovely. There are a couple of moments where cohesion is lost in place of structure, but I think that's entirely justified.

[Anti Phalanx]

How so? With the structure that is?

[Daniel Sutheran]

Yes - I think that the start of the third stanza is a little unusual and is where the cohesion is lost, but that line is integral to the structure, so it's no real shame.

[Anti Phalanx]

Let's put it down to lethargy & call it artistic design.

[Daniel Sutheran]

That'll do.

[BL]

You have covered a lot in short verses, I greatly enjoyed this read and am pondering on the statements and questions you have raised.

[Anti Phalanx]

Statement? No, unless there's a clear "I am happy" I don't think I can make a statement in poetry so freely. Statements are clear expressions, and I like to think my poems derive mostly from emotion. I don't believe emotions can be that clear in writing.