Lost (Poem)

Love that isn't returned.

See when we were placed in each others lives I thought it was fate
Til you laughed in my face cause i thought we should date.
When it came to how i was feeling i thought you would relate.
Cause i was hungry for your love, but you snatched away the plate
& by the time you realize what you had , it’d be too late
cause what was once feelings of admiration and love are being formed into hate;

&The vision that I had, you caused it to fade
so now my pain hides away at the edge of a blade
i often resent you for the decision you made 
cause i wish that after knowing how i feel, you would have stayed

but now that you’re gone all i can do is say is bye
then i sit there and cry cause i know I’m living a lie
saying that I’m happy but I’m slowly dying inside
putting a smile on my face after all the tears that I’ve dried

but I’m a man, i can’t be sad, so i guess ill pretend
i hope you can comprehend the message I’m trying send
the day that i lost you my life came to end
cause i lost the lover i never had, and i lost my best friend

Author's Note

any and all feedback is welcomed, positive and negative.

Reviews

[Lucien Maier]

raw, Great emotion. You have good flow. it pulls you through the piece.

[Angela Hunter]

Nice piece, full of emotion and meaning! I would suggest trying to match the number of syllables in your lines, or even just shorten the longer lines to match a little better. It would help the flow, and sometimes you can create a better meaning with fewer words. Good job with the rhyming as well!