Hold On

I consider this romance, because i know what it truly is about.

11-1-11

I built a rope in this life out of nothing at all. Crafted from hopes and expectations of what, turned out, was never even here. To that rope I held on firmly. It was everything to me; all that I lived and died for. I held on with everything I had in me to this rope. People came and went, trying to grab at it. I didn’t let them take it. I needed it. To survive. My own mind.

Now, something threatens my grip. Something unforeseen, yet in the back of my mind all along. I knew the day would come where I would have to make a decision. I must cling to my imaginary rope forever, or break free from it now. A hand reaches in, it says, “There is no rope.” I can’t believe these words. Of course there is a rope. What have I been grasping on to if there isn’t one? I look at my hands, and in it lays the rope. But it begins to change. The soft twisted satin turns to nylon. Then to horse fur. The tension becomes stronger between my hand and the rope. I won’t let go, I tell myself. I need this, without it I have nothing. The horse fur turns to copper wire and begins to hurt my hands. I squeeze my eyes tight. I need this, without it I have nothing. No longer does its embrace comfort my insecurities. The world comes back into focus. I hear the children laughing, screams upon my ears. The sun shines and hurts my eyes. I don’t like sun shine. My darkness is receding. I cling tighter to the copper, only it isn’t copper any longer. My hands begin to bleed from the tension against the jagged wire. The bristles stab at my hand in every direction. A tear runs down my cheek. I need this, without it I have no foot hold in this world. The laughter gets louder. My ears begin to bleed. My left hand slips and my eyes shoot open. I look down. I’m hanging above an ocean. Why have you changed on me, my soft velvet rope to this world? I have nothing without you. I am nothing without you. All I have become was because of you. The sun gets brighter. My eyes begin to bleed. My one remaining hand holds its death grip. Blood runs down my wrist and onto my bare chest. I look down again. I’m naked, completely exposed. The children are laughing at me. The sun shines bright on my naked body. Everyone can see my flailing. They all join hands and dance. They are happy, for they are secured to the ground. My rope gets smaller and smaller. Tears flood my face. Is this it? I ask. Is this the end? This, is the end. My foot hold in this world no longer exists. It vanishes before my very eyes. My grip slips. My body jerks as I grab onto what’s left of the rope, trying not to fall into the ocean of blood I’ve created. I take one final look up at my rope. It is no longer pure, unmolested satin. A jagged bit of wire is all that is left. I close my eyes and accept my end. Until, from out of nowhere, my satin rope returns to me. The laughing is softly muted. The sun begins to dim. My satin rope caresses my cheek. It wipes the blood from my eyes. It caresses my body, wiping the blood from my wrists. The laughing is gone now, and the sun shines no more. My satin rope wraps itself around my neck, sending chills down my spine. No longer do I need this world. I have my rope again. I let go of the jagged wire and fall down towards the ocean. My satin rope clings to my neck and holds me above the water. My body jerks one final time. I’m free of this world.

Author's Note

Love it or hate it, you gotta love it.

Reviews

[AHulett]

"A tear runs down my check." Typo. :) One thing I didn't like was how many times we are reminded of a jagged wire rather than a satin rope. Other than that, enjoyable.

[SVermeer]

Well...that was certainly dark...