If only I had listened..

(Ravin' Ink  writing group Prompt for 12/14/2024:

If only I had listened...) 

 My father was diagnosed with multiple myeloma two years ago. It’s a type of blood cancer. He had always been  healthy and active, a teetotaller all his life. He easily walked long distances and climbed stairs and pretty much continued like his younger healthy days. Our relatives and new acquaintances always marvelled at his energy and attitude. He always reminded us to be up and about early and till late night he would enjoy talking and working etc. He never took any medicines and preferred home food. Although he enjoyed his native Kerala spicy food a lot and indulged relishing them from time to time. He was always eager to know the new technology and embraced and learnt it much better than any other in his generation. How can such a person who was happy and active and flexible in his ways fall prey to such a dreadful disease after all these long years of good health, we all thought. He was never sick, not even the now common blood pressure or diabetes or any such lifestyle disease and now such a plausible psychosomatic one. How will he handle it all in his late years of life.

For a year he underwent treatment and chemotherapy.  That was a sad period for all of us. We children tried to take turns and be with him but could see him draining out in spirit.  When I was on an extended break to support my father, I discussed with him and family to shift his base temporarily to my place and that meant change his hospital too. When they agreed to try, we came down to my place and around 4 months of stay showed him to a nearby hospital dedicated to oncology. We met a senior doctor here and consulted and he gave us the same dosage of medicine and prescribed a chemotherapy routine to follow. After about two weeks we found my father really struggling with the after effects of chemo on his thin frail body. In the next appointment I asked the doctor if we could lower the dosage or any other way to ease his pain which seemed to be more destructive than the disease itself. My father would eat nothing at all. We would spend so much time cooking something he would like but he refused he did not find taste in anything.

 After a couple of tests, it was seen that chemo had a good result and the traces of malignancy had reduced well (he was in his second stage of cancer) and he was in remission. It was such a relief to know. He had to still be on this maintenance drug so cancer doesn’t strike back.  The doctor spoke to us and I asked again if we could reduce the dosage of this drug for a short break. The doctor explained that my father could altogether stop taking chemo medicine, taking it in smaller dose will be ineffective and still have big side effects. My father readily agreed to stop this treatment and wait and see what would follow in case we stopped the chemo. The doctor was supportive of my elderly father’s decision. He clearly said “let your father decide how we want to continue, he seems happier you asked his choice”.

My siblings were not in agreement especially one of them. They felt we were taking it lightly and pushing my father to a fatal future without treatment. That he was not in  his senses in order to decide for himself.  I was scared too but something strong inside me told to consider stopping it and let father live few days of break from this life giving but deadly therapy.  For a reasonable quality for the remainder of his life. In the coming days we tapered the medicine and then stopped it.

 Its been more than two years now and for most of this time my almost ‘Nonagenarian father’ is back to his usual self. He seems happier, talks at length, goes for his walks and even drives his two wheeler scooter to and fro from visiting the neighbourhood shops for errands, visits temples and local relatives and also did a couple of air and train travelling between cities visiting my siblings.. The biggest point was his attitude in recovering. He never encouraged sad talks nor did he allow us to tell people about his sickness. Also very important was that he fasted big lengths of time. Eating meagrely and fasting (if one can) helps the bad cells to die. When you eat well you gain strength ofcourse but you also feed these cancerous cells which multiply heavily into malignancy. We read about this in few articles related to living herbal and naturopathy ways to heal cancer at any stages with quiet a few success stories.

 

There is still some traces of strain of tiffs between us siblings left from those hospital decision days. Sometimes I imagine what If I had listened to my siblings/relatives ....

The expression 'if I only had listened to' usually has a negative connotation, my attempt above was to provide a positive reference to a similar such feeling.

(Anju S, Amsterdam)

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Reviews

[Arundass TP]

Cancer is something that we buy from market. In Kerala most of the things we get are poisonous because of chemical treatment. Health ministry or officials are not good at raiding and punishing. I feel Kerala has more patients than any other state in Bharat. Good writing.

[Aarti Sriram]

Thankyou dear Arundass for your kind review and for sharing your important views. To the outside world Kerala is so pristine and we feel the pinch when things are made otherwise by bad policies and rashtriyam.. We enjoy your poems, our bountiful bhoomi surely must have its magic spell in your way with words!

[Coyote Poetry]

Cancer. In the USA. Common because of the process can food.
"Eating meagrely and fasting (if one can) helps the bad cells to die. When you eat well you gain strength ofcourse but you also feed these cancerous cells which multiply heavily into malignancy. We read about this in few articles related to living herbal and naturopathy ways to heal cancer at any stages with quiet a few success stories"
I liked the above lines. Old wisdom. We are what we eat. I am glad your father survive. Thank you Aarti for sharing the story. My brother had survived cancer three times. He had a half of a stomach and he quit working and enjoy life now.
Coyote

[Matilo]

It is a well written story. It captures well the emotional turmoil and difficult decisions faced by your family. You write well and your English is good.

[Aarti Sriram]

Hi Matilo thankyou for stopping by and for your time reviewing this.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

it's a very touching story with an interesting moral. i was very glad your father was okay. treatment must have been a demoralising experience but i think you handled it well. i have heard about the benefits of fasting, i might try it if i ever get sick. which is likely, i am very unhealthy unfortunately.

[Aarti Sriram]

Ern you will be back to health soon. You write well your thoughts support you. Support yourself kindly. My father was always an outdoor person after his work hours. I want to encourage myself to gardening or so too..

[Thomas W Case]

Brilliant writing. Loaded with wisdom.

[Aarti Sriram]

Many thanks dear Thomas ! Appreciate your time here.

[Soren]

A powerful story emphasizing our attempt to balance quality of life with quantity. We all have different opinions and they all need consideration. A happy outcome but still lingering doubts as to the process. Very nicely written

[Aarti Sriram]

Hello Soren, thankyou for reading and a considerate review. True if the outcome is positive we feel happier but a small process of some deliberation always seem to continue within. for reading and a considerate review. True if the outcome is positive we feel happier but a small process of some deliberation always seem to continue within.

[Vol]

Aarti,
It was easy for me to relate to your story. I am seventy-five years old and surprised every day about the limitations of my body that cannot walk as far, lift as much, or dance as long as my mind says i can. My soul is shocked and disappointed at this turn of events, it feels fine! But this body i am stuck in just gets older while I wonder about it all.
Vol

[Aarti Sriram]

Hello Vol, appreciate your visit. I hear you and we seem to be getting weaker by the generations. Wish you lots of health and great poems my dear. I thank you for your time and for the wonderful prompts Vol.

[Vol]

SMILE.....

[justforfun]

There is always something about a story when it comes from the heart and from the real battles in life. Very few things effect us like mortality and family relationships. You touched on both in an articulate way. I also lost my dad to the same thing. His was more of a battle of dealing with mortality and outliving what was then a very short expected life. He was supposed to be dead in 6 months and lived another 12. While it sounds. like a good thing. He battled with the concept that he should no longer be here and had already said all his good byes. He equated it with leaving a party saying good bye and then realizing when you get in the car you forgot your coat. No matter what is said at the return to the party, it is all very awkward to say good bye twice. I am glad your story has a happier ending than mine. Thanks for sharing honestly about your experience.

[Aarti Sriram]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Understand all the sentiments you mention here. Thankyou for stopping by, your kind review and for sharing your story dear.

[Lorry]

I think the most important part of this story Aarti is that you allowed your father to have a voice snd opinion of his own well being and didn't just demand what you thought best fir him, which would assuredly have taken his humanity from him.
To treat him as an important human being in your life, which he obviously was is as important as the treatment and care he received. Perhaps he has the latter years of his life to thank you for and I would hope that your brothers know it too.

[Aarti Sriram]

You have written very kindly dear Lorry. Thankyou for expressing your sentiments and a very wise reflection. My siblings take care a great deal, but I guess sometimes we all tend to lose sight of the main purpose of our living. Dealing with our loved ones especially parents when they are very old and sick and the idiosyncrasies that come with it can be so tough. Handling them delicately takes its heavy toll, most of us must have experienced, I know. Thanks again for your support dear. Have a nice weekend.

[LisaCarol]

Aarti - thank you for sharing this story. It is very inspiring and educational. My father-in-law had multiple myeloma and I’m familiar with the disease. It is so wonderful that your father recovered and returned to his normal self. Good for you in letting him make his own choices on his care too. This was an excellent choice for the prompt. Take care!

Lisa

[Aarti Sriram]

Hello Lisa and thankyou for stopping by and commenting. Hmm you know right, difficult times. Now It is very peaceful to see him back to health and its back to good times when we all get together. Normal life is such a gift my dear. Thankyou for liking and supporting my story for the prompt. Appreciate your time here. Have a lovely Sunday my dear.