Cane and cake!

A short story of a young impressionable mind!

Cane and cake!

That  summer holidays  Jyoti and her family had  travelled  to the city where her father lived. He used to work and live away from the family there in the quarters provided by his office. Occasionally he would take turns to come home when he would get off days from work.  Jyoti was curious to explore this new house and neighbourhood.  She was enjoying her vacation and making new friends around her.. In her newfound enthusiasm, the young girl  happy and  quickly  had forgotten about her studies and school. Well wasn’t that the purpose of the school break for young kids?

It was afternoon and she was busy playing  in the garden trying to pluck a fruit she had seen on a tree. It was like pear but after plucking she realised it was not ripe enough. So, she wanted to try out slightly softer and darker coloured ones hanging little higher. There were vibrant coloured butterflies, and she could hear the neighbouring house kids jump into  and enjoy  afloat  a small reservoir tank of water in their garden. She was able to see them when she had climbed up her fence wall and parted a tree branch for easy access and view. As she backtracked downwards, she had some stains on her hands and the frock from the fruit juices. She jumped and landed on slightly damp soft mud. It felt soft on her feet. She waited for the evening when she would again meet the neighbouring kids and today they had decided to play badminton, read and enact a play and finally eat icecream after finishing their art project.

She washed up and as she neared the passage to step inside the bungalow, she heard her mother talking on the telephone with her father. Come inside her mother beckoned. Jyotis’s father wanted to talk to her.  Her mother handed the phone to a playful  Jyoti . She took the phone gleefully and wanted to describe to her father  all about  the fruits and garden and ask if before he came home from work that evening that she could join the neighbouring kids playing in  their   water tank. But sooner than she could narrate any of that her father spoke  and his voice on the phone sounded agitated ..”had you not prepared well for your exams and why have you got just  average marks" reminding her that there was a postal mail at his office  from her school about her results of second grade. Jyoti’s eyes filled up. Her heart sank and she struggled to reply. Meekly she could only utter a ‘sorry daddy’. He hadn’t quite finished. “Your younger brother got a flying A in all his subjects.  I will bring a cake for your brother  but a cane for you “!

The word cane sounded as hard as if it  had already hit her. Poor lad felt so miserable she hung up the phone, went inside the bathroom, and cried. She felt very hurt. Her father was displeased with her results. She went out and looked sadly through the windowpane. The garden seemed  wilted like a flower, the fruits  felt juiceless nothing  excited her. All she could see were  the trees and fence wire which looked like cane sticks and rods.  She would never feel nice coming for holidays there. Her father disliked her, she thought. May be all the classmates of her new grade will make fun of her too . 

After a few weeks Jyoti came back to her home  and it was the first day of her new grade after the holidays. She hadn't forgotten this painful incident. Neither had she spoken about it to anyone else. She was after all just a young child not knowing how to address her sadness. She went to school and met her new classmates and  class teacher. The teacher remarked  about the essay she had written in her final exam of the last grade. She told the whole class that Jyoti had written  so beautifully about a trip her family was planning in the summer. That the essay was rich with very good facts related to  a new city and well laced with her imagination about how a new neighbourhood would be like. She was waiting to meet her father and visit his  city  and  the new  quarters. The class clapped for Jyoti but she remained quiet, her expressions deprived of any enthusiasm that she had essayed before. Perhaps she could go home and now tell her father about her positive image and claps by the class and share her shining essay with him. Mmay be he wanted to express his affection now instead, to her.  She was lost in her thoughts.

.

 

Reviews

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

what an interesting story. it is complex, enriched with many emotions and plots that seem natural. there is no villain, only people and their valid feelings -- even the father was not entirely wrong to expect more from his daughter. the ending is not entirely happy, but it feels like the heroine has grown from these experiences.
the style was whimsical and simple to read. there is a lot of action, whick keeps the pace very fast. if i were to change something, i would like there to be a few more slow moments. i wanted to know more about the the fruits and garden, how it looked and smelled; what the grass felt like on her feet; what sounds could be heard; and what thoughts or memories it evoked in Jyoti. giving the reader a taste of heaven, before hitting them with the cruel reality (Dad's phone call) would deepen the drama and emotional effect.
but it is overall a great read. it dares to explore memories that we all had and wish to forget. life as a kid can be hard. but if we got over that, we can also get over the challenges we face now as adults.

[Aarti Sriram]

In our childhood if we are able to tide through these small troubles as you say it will be timely and helpful. Nevertheless If we adults can learn to be little more patient and accepting of our children as they are, may be these little ones will have better memories of their childhood and grow into confidend and compassionate adults. Who knows how troublesome ones adult lives is going to be later on. I think that was the basic thought I was trying to convey via Jyoti’s experience.
Thankyou very much for your time and giving a thought and sharing your views @Ern ! Good tips to add imagery in the descriptions at various stages in the story. When writing long story formats I will surely keep your suggestions in mind.

[Marie]

To me, Jyoti's father committed a bigger crime than bringing home a cake for her brother and a cane for her and that crime is that he compared one of his children with the other. Each child is unique, each has his or her own gifts and should never be compared with another child in the family or outside the family.
You have captured the joy and the sadness of growing up superbly in this sublimely penned story, dear Aarti.
Growing up should be a very happy time for all children, it should be relaxed and stress free, full of joy and the making of friends and beautiful memories.
Jyoti's new grade teacher sounds delightful, encouraging, positive and helpful and I feel that Joyoti will blossom like a very beautiful flower under her teacher's guidance.
Her father took Jyoti's joy away, perhaps her lovely new teacher can get it back for her again. Would LOVE to read a follow-up to this story, Aarti! It is wonderful! THANK YOU! for sharing, dear amazing poetess...

[Aarti Sriram]

It should be our responsibility to give ahappy and caring space when we decide to bring our little ones in this world.
I hope there is someone atleast, like this new teacher for every child who can be the go to person and feel joyous and kindly supported.
Thankyou for that idea of follow-up to this story, Marie. Your encouragement is such a help for beginners like me.

[Marie]

Thank you for your beautiful response to my comment, dear Aarti. I agree 110% with you! Thank you for your kind words too, you are always MOST welcome, Aarti...

[Jeyanthi]

I read this..
This felt so touching.. being submissive is not good feelings especially when our own parents doing that..
There must something positive thing in her which motivates her to bring the creativity into academically... children delicate, they need love... and they need it daily... some parents miss it to do that ... I'm always strict with my son till the exam comes not after results 😅... because I always the word we are trying something...
Good story... I think you are busy ..
As Ern says you can add details of the village but the her yearning of her dad is more visible than that... that's the storyline I think...

[Aarti Sriram]

Jeyanthi thankyou dear! I value your upbringing and parenting attitudes. There is positivity in all of us we need to accept and admire.
You are right I did get busy and hence a late response. I missed connecting and reading the lovely reviews here.