How will i ever accept your loss?

A Story by Scandal

Its just me missing you..

When i was young , my biggest fear was losing my daddy..even the thought of that would bring me in tears. I was too little to ever know how could cancer destroy soneone's life, and kill them.. so when i knew you had cancer i didn't realise how serious the situation is..
Daddy i remember the first moment i heard that u are dead , that time i was doing some homework . My grandma was next to me she had a phone call . In that phone call i heard the voice of my uncle saying ''**** is dead'' i didnt catch the name , but the scary looks in her eyes made me anxious . I knew something wrong has happened . I can't describe the fear i felt that moment , i had a voice telling me that daddy is the one who died . In my mind i kept saying 《 oh god not him please not him》 . When mom asked grandma 《 who called you?》 She bring up a fake story . I knew she was lieing but i couldnt say any word , i don't know what had hit me, but my lips couldn't move. Only the fear in my heart increased and i started trembling i can say that i coudnt feel my self . Finally we heard somone knocking the door . people came to condolence us and we still even don't know that daddy is died . How pathetic !
At that point i felt that my life ended i saw locking doors in my face i even couldnt believe it, i felt like throwing up ,i felt dizzy i felt NUMB...
When i saw his dead body i couldn't come closer. I LOVE HIM TO DEATH, but why wouldn't i come closer? i clearly know it was our last goodbye..
If you want to ask me how life is going now , i can tell you that my heart is crying out of pain every day, i can tell u that my life will never be the same , i can tell you that i feel emptiness , i can tell you that my heart is broken into pieces .And if i start remembering the very short life we lived together i cant control my tears even while writing this and remembering old days i feel my tears drops .
i wanted him to stay longer with me . How could he leave so fast? . I remember every detail . I rememeber when me and my sister brought him flowers at the hospital , he was sick but he woke up searching for a vase to put them in. Where are the flowers at now? Do they still exist ? Or they disappeared just the way you did?
I rememeber when you saw me crying (cuz you was going to do an operation)there was a tear that dropped from ur cheek, i can tell you that.. tear is still killing me till now,it was the first time seeing you cry.
I've lost my beloved one, the most important one in my entire life .
I'll always feel that an important piece of me is missing, i'll always feel that your soul is no longer present, I'll always feel lonely deep inside.. so how ? How will i ever accept your loss?

© 2017 Scandal

Author's Note

This is derived from a true story.

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SheWhoFeelsNothing

This is just so beautiful and touching! You have expressed your feelings so well! I’m so sorry about your dad. I hope you find the courage to fight against your circumstances!