Along The Broken Road

 

Along The Broken Road

Gear box rickety, breathing uncontrollably 

The sound that every human dreads

the sound of their final breath

In slow motion i see light, bright light

the soon to be broken light

gust of wind that comes from behind

 throwing my car onto the opposite side

life flashes, before my eyes

my car's now driving, towards the light

 Crash

The final breath my lungs take in

no pain, no exhale, nor suffering

 I feel bad for keeping you waiting

as i lay here, soul slowly fading

the ring in my pocket, that has broken to pieces

my chances of survival, it quickly decreases 

body cold, death taking hold

 as i lay dead along the broken road

Reviews

[Fanicia E.]

I like how the poem draws attention to the fragility of life and the difficulty and inevitability of facing mortality. I felt the visual difference in the words, going from larger to smaller as the subject gets closer to his demise sets the tone even further. I read the words as if I could hear shallow breathing and a croaky, shaky voice in my head. Fantastic job!

[Kerra]

Such a sad write but so well written and expressed. I like your style of writing

[Jes' Pi]

beautiful topic and poem...

[apennylate]

Damn... Syllable rhyming and breath are outta this world...! Concretely stays on topic, and feels exactly like it should, a dark trip of emotion... This is written neatly, succinctly, and with "positive" dissonance to syllable slant. Darkly penned... I would advise perhaps normalizing the capitalization of the "I's"... As it somewhat detracts from the visual flow, but seriously... Very, very well written...

[JoeReads]

thank you so much for your kind words and taking the time to read it. cheers for the advice i'll remember that on my next poem :)

[apennylate]

Aye, a pleasure

[Metaphantom]

Wow......just brought me into that and reality...extreme...and precise on description. Awesome

[Diane]

Sad. This poem is just filled with sadness. That being said, I really enjoyed this poem a lot. Nice writing!

[Bare Trees]

I like story poems. The end and the loss is compelling here. The fact that you mention the 'ring' says a lot without having to go into explanations. You did a good job writing this and I enjoyed.

[JoeReads]

Thank you for taking the time to read it :) Im glad you enjoyed it 😊

[ROXANE DORSEY]

nice poetry n thanks for sharing

[JoeReads]

thank you for taking the time to read it :)

[barleygirl]

I very much like your deadly experience, all except for one little thing . . . the word "crash" could be pumped up a bit, to make it feel more like a full-blown catastrophic event. "Crash" feels kinda wimpy compared to the rest of your poem, which is packed with intensity & horror (nicely done). This also works well as an allegory for life . . . some of us living on the broken road *sigh!* (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[JoeReads]

i agree, looking back at it now i could have worded it a bit better, thank you for pointing that out and giving me helpful advice! and for taking the time to read it :) much appreciated

[Shasha]

A touching piece, Joseph!

[JoeReads]

Thank you :)

[Shasha]

You're most welcome!