Max

A very old story I wrote a very long time ago...my favorite. Enjoy!

Max

An original short story

      Laughter echoed in the leaf-covered street as a young man and his eight-year-old sister played outside in the chilly weather. The cold air stung their lungs but the little girl's joyful laughter was what kept Max playing. Max was seventeen, with light brown hair and blue eyes. His sister Nicole hung around his neck, her black hair blowing in the wind. Max couldn't help but smile as her pair of striking green eyes stared into his. She was his light in the darkness, the only thing that made him happy. Their father was a police official of their small town of Cressvile...a rather harsh fellow...but Max knew he meant well. Their mom was a stayed at home, making sure they both got the love they deserved.
   Yes, it was quite the happy family. Nicole made his life all the happier. So, now after so many years they spin in circles, giggling and teasing, "WHEEE!" Nicole yelled. Max twirled around one more time then fell over, catching her and crushing her against his chest. "Ah! Hey--Max!" Nicole said between heavy breaths.
   "Grrrr come 'ere you," Max said standing, picking her up and slinging her over his shoulder. Nicole pounded on his back with her small fists. "Owie!" he said sarcastically, pretending that she was hurting him. Max ran with her inside then set her down, locking the front door. He made it a point to do that; though his parents made decent money, they still lived in a gang-filled neighborhood. Nicole ran to her room, yanking off her scarf and hat.

      Then, the scene outside caught her eye. The wind blew leaves down onto their yard gracefully, looking to her like they magically swirled around in 'pretty circles'. Nicole knew how to love nature, finding the most simplest things beautiful. "Max!" she called with a smile. Max set down his own homemade scarf and gloves and walked into her room with curiousity.
   "Sis? What is it?" he asked , stroking a bit of hair from her eyes.
   "Why do the leaves do that? Why aren't they on the trees all green and pretty?" Nicole asked innocently.
       Max laughed at her admiringly. He was slightly overprotective and absorbed, but she was his baby sister, after all. Ever since he first made her laugh his whole goal was to always be there for her, because if not him, who? "It's fall," he replied simply, "The leaves fall off the trees and dry out, giving them those um..pretty colors? Then the cool winds blow them around. It's natural, new leaves grow back,"
    "Oh," Nicole said, still looking out the window in wonder. Max patted her on the shoulder then walked out. Nicole turned to watch him leave, "Um, where's mama?" she asked abruptly.
   "Working late, mom and dad said I have to watch you. Bummer, eh?" he joked.  Nicole laughed and laid down on her bed, limbs sprawled out like she was too tired to move.  Max rolled his eyes and walked out of the room in search of his keys. "What do you want for dinner? I need to go buy some food," she heard him call from inside the house, most likely in the kitchen.
  Nicole sighed,"It doesn't matter," she replied loudly. She then heard the noise of keys being dropped, as well as a muttered curse word she knew never to repeat.
      "Ok! Mac and cheese it is. I'll be right back don't go anywhere I'm locking all the doors," Max called to her. He waited for her to come running into his arms, but she didn't. There was a pause, a moment of complete silence. "Ok then," he said, opening the front door.
   "Wait!" shrieked Nicole, running after him. "Can I come with you?" she begged. Max grinned and nodded. Works every time, he thought. She smiled back, slipping past him as she ran to the car.

        "Slow down!" he yelled, "Don't forget me!"


 

 * * *

    All was quiet...and safe. Nicole was safely buckled and Max was somewhat safe with his shoulder strap behind him. Nicole struggled to be the same way but Max shook his head, "Don't, your safer the way you are," he said calmly. He seemed grumpier while driving, but it was only his way of expressing concentration.
   "Ok," Nicole replied quietly. She enjoyed riding in the car, seeing the familiar buildings and non-familiar faces. "What a gloomy day," she whispered grimmly. Max merely grunted. The AM/PM was just around the corner; he turned into the parking lot of the store.
   "Wait here," Max said, unbuckling himself. Nicole wasn't listening to Max at the moment. Her eyes narrowed as a group of dark clothed teenage guys made their way down the street. She had seen gang members before; their presence didn't surprise her. Yet suddenly, for a split second, she felt a wave of fear. It was as if something bad were about to happen.
      Nicole looked around blankly,"Oh, OK," she said but he had walked off. She sat back and turned up the radio. Humming along to the music, she peered back towards the hooded people approaching the building (who were much closer), then towards Max through the glass windows. He stood at the counter, smiling and chatting with the young cashier across the counter. He had a bag with a box of mac and cheese and something else, she wasn't sure.

       As he walked out of the store, everything went wrong. One second, he was colliding with one of the hooded boys, the next, he was pinned against the wall. Looking a bit closer, Nicole spotted a pocket knife; her heart raced with fear.

       "Show me your wallet," the man with the pocket knife hissed.
     Max stared at the man impatiently,"I just want to get my groceries and be left alone. Your presence is none of my business," he said calmly.
        "Shut up," the guy snapped. Max glared at him in frustration, but suddenly looked at Nicole. In one, quick second, she and him both knew what he would have to do.

    With the slightest bit of courage in that boy's soul, he grabbed the attacker's arm firmly then punched him in the face as hard as he could. Doubling back, the attacker lunged at him in fury. Max, being only lightly trained for fights by his father, grabbed him and threw him into the glass windows, which broke on impact. The first attacker fell on his side in pain, cursing. Two more charged in Max's direction. He took a painful blow to the jaw.

       He retaliated, but then kicked one man in groin. He fell without any effort. The final few of the group glared at Max with such anger, such hate... it started Nicole. Max didn't notice. He attacked the kid that was clawing at him. Nicole rose up out of her seat in shock; Max saw out of the corner of his left eye a gleam of black, well pollished metal. "MMMMMMMMAAAAAAXXXXX!" Nicole screamed. Tears welled up in her eyes.  He looked at her, full of panic.
      "NICOLE!" he cried. Just as the gun was reveled, she slipped down under the dashboard, closing her eyes as tight as she could, unable to watch the inevitable. Without a second's warning--BANG!  The sound made her cringe. She didn't dare look up, or open her eyes. Reality all set in at once. Tears streamed from her eyes rapidly; it was like the world had ended. Max...?
      From outside, the voices continued to stir, "Where's that girl?" demanded a voice.
        "I dunno, I think in the car,"  another replied.
    "She looked five," one commented. She heard someone open the door where she was curled up.

            "Hey! Guys, come look here!" a third voice gasped.
   Nicole opened her eyes and stared up at the grinning men. She winced and tried to wipe the tears from her face. It was hard to believe she still had her pride, "L-leave me a-alone," she studdered. "J-just..." Nicole broke off, choking back tears. "Just go home," she whispered.
    One of the men knelled down awkwardly to be inches from her. Must be the leader..."Who are you,kid?" he asked calmly.
 "I'm not supposed to tell st-strangers that," she whispered weakly, staring up at him in fear. Her green eyes were wide now. Bloodshot.
     "I'm willing to help," the man said flatly, obviously unammused.
  "My name is Nicole," she replied coldly. "And you can't help me with anything!" she spat. With that, the man dragged Nicole by the right wrist out of the car. A blood stained shirt caught her eye. There was a loud thunk from the car's trunk. They're taking his body! Nicole wailed in her thoughts. She struggled against the hold, trying to move so he'd have to let go. He scowled, throwing her down. A large foot crushed down on her ribs.The man had light hair and dark eyes, not something very commonly seen. Nicole gasped for breath, staring at the gun pointed at her forehead.
    "Do I frighten you?" he asked playfully. His lips curled into a harsh smile.
       "Jeremy, your really gonna kill a little girl in cold blood?" one of the smaller boys asked, looking at Nicole nervously.
    "It depends on if she's smart enough to answer correctly," the man replied calmly. Slowly, he crouched down over her. Nicole stared at everyone around her, at the boys and people hiding in the stores as they watched helplessly threw the windows.

         She sucked back the snot dripping down her nose, feeling the redness on her cheeks in which she knew was anger. "No," she breathed. Jeremy--this boy--this punk... let his smile fall into an unamused frown. She closed her eyes.

         A rough pain in her head made her cower; she tried to pull herself away. Again and again she felt the pain strike her everywhere. She was being beaten, hit with the side of a gun various times at an incredible force. Don't cry...Max hates it when you cry....don't...Next thing she knew, boots were digging into her, and unconsciousness was starting to drag her under.       

         She lay on her stomach, a hot, crimson liquid running down her face.  "Help," she mouthed. There was a sudden moment of complete blankness; am I dying? she asked herself. Nicole coughed up more blood, "Someone help," she winced helplessly. A sense of longing took over. It was her longing to live, to have a second chance.
   "Your going to be OK," a voice whispered in her ear reassuringly.
       "M...max?" she asked hoarsely, wind carrying her voice away. One of her eyes opened in curiosity; her entire world burned. There was no one there, the person who had spoke was gone. Please let it have been you...please be alright.

Author's Note

Review honestly :) I need to know what I need to work on

Reviews

[James Watts]

This isn't bad at all. The ending was a bit vague, but the story was well written and the bond between brother and sister was strong and well penned. There was a very nice flow and the imagery was great.
One thing to avoid is the -ly adverb. Sometimes they can not be avoided and are necessary, but for the most part they can be. I didn't notice a lot of them, so you are not too bad. The area where they should be avoided most is tagged onto dialogue. Most editors frown on this and feel that is lazy and most times unnecessary. Other than that, well done.