Resolve

A Story by Anonymizer

Resolutions taken after a lot of conflict

The sky had a different hue today. It was a lot of red and a little of blue. They say the Atomic explosion on Hiroshima and Nagasaki had left beautiful sunsets across the globe.

“The power of the atom..huh”, I said.

“What? Reminiscing quests from Fallout3 now”

He had that funny smirk on his face, the pleased look of a person looming over an I told you so moment. It made me feel like punching him on his face and getting that smirk of him. I had a choice to make, an option to choose which made it good for everyone. So what if the only person suffering was me at the end of the day. A very small price to pay right!

“Yeah right jack! Why are you such a Mangina always?”

I smiled, insults can heal. Never knew that could happen, it could take you to places long lost. But sometimes somebody needs to be there. To know what you know to understand what you feel.

“Yeah I am here for you, you piece of s**t, moping over spilt milk! you coward”

“Don’t you dare call me a coward”

“Look who is going all Severus Snape on me now”

Why do I have such a fickle mind? Why do I draw parallels, live on comparisons, would a clean slate help?

“What you are planning to lobotomize yourself now! A*****e it’s just one of the normal things that happen to people! What makes you so special, why are you such a cry baby?”

“I really feel like punching you now you know, just be silent, just leave if you can’t stop dropping witty replies”

“As if I have anywhere else to be, as if I had a choice like her, who would want to be with a f**k up like you? You think you have a career, a life, some money a reputation. All of it is s**t.”

“Have you asked yourself why? stop escaping everything ask why?”

“Why?”

“Character wise you are always conflicted, everything is so unsure, you are unstable, you don’t earn on his level, you are not settled abroad, you are a big no from her family, and mostly you are stupid, you fail at executing everything, the best of your abilities are amateurish to say the least”

“The only thing you had going for you was that you loved her and even that went against you didn’t it? ”

“Are you planning to make me cry? Is that what you want?”

“Ha ha ha, sick kid grow up”

“You know it; she is going to forget you. You are just going to be another face in her crowd, she will be waking up every morning in some else’s arms”

“At least she will be loved”

“Yes she will be, she deserves it, we have both prayed for it. One of the only things we agreed upon. But is it not a sick excuse you say to yourself. Weren’t you the one who could have loved her the most or were you even split up on that?”

“I would have”

“And yet you let her go”

“You were there weren’t you, I asked her three times, she asked me to stop, asked me to ask no more. She chose”

“And now she doesn’t even have the guts to tell you if there was ever a chance, which was bizarre but strangely appropriate. The answer would have meant little, but it would have ..”

“meant nothing, just leave me alone.. just let me be”

“You do realize I am just a figment of our imagination, you do realize that you have no one to talk about this too, you do realize that you are writing all these just to delete everything”

“I know”

“Why?”

“Why can’t you share, do you truly have no one or are you being selfish”

“I can’t afford to cause misunderstandings, I have already caused a lot of them already, and things are going to break apart if I don’t let this rest”

“It’s just too heavy; I go to sleep only to lie awake listening to my heart beat like a piston”

“Why can’t you let her go? Why can’t you just walk away? What will break? What are you afraid to lose?”

“Everything, I love her.. a lot. I don’t want her to be unhappy at my absence, I don’t want her to miss me, I don’t want to be away either, she is the person who has loved me the most after her, I won’t I can’t”

“Come to terms with the fact that you have lost let it go”

“No I won’t, this pain is my friend, this will remind me of her, I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to let go, I am happy with whatever I get I don’t need anything, not anymore. I am there to give, to be the ideal thermodynamic sink, to be the unsung hero”

“Bloody masochist.. you are OK, now you are smirking like me”

“Remember I am you”