And So On

Sleep eludes me as I fight my own humanity night after night
or betrays me when I fall into it only to be consumed by disturbing dreams 
composed of half-truths, disjointed memories, uncertainty
Everything is tinged with uncertainty now that I'm finally here
at the dawn of my adulthood
I miss youth because I fear time and change
(change in the mirror reflects change in the time)
I hate youth because I fear the helplessness that went with it
No control, no certainty, no power
these keep me up in the dead of night, twisting in the sheets
as my mind twists with rage, unstoppable and bottomless
Anger is the only feeling I trust wholeheartedly 
it doesn't lie, it doesn't break, it makes me feel strength I know I don't have
in my body, too small, too weak, too powerless
anger guides me through that which I can't change with an erring and graceless hand
I take it and move on, yet I don't go anywhere
I'm stuck in this life forever, trapped in this body, with this mind
Fancy words and a clever tongue hide the mind of a child
perpetual fear, perpetual uncertainty, weakness
I detest these things, as I detest my own humanity
they are one and the same to me
So, night after night the debate goes on
leave here, go there, do what, don't care
But I care, the biggest weakness of all
I care, but I can't trust
Not even myself
So still
sleep eludes me as I fight my own humanity night after night
after night
after night
after night
.....

Reviews

[Flow~]

interesting poem, you said many things here. I like that you exposed your thoughts it made your poem powerful and real. nice job