The Bathtub

Have you ever been possessed in a bathtub?

Something.... manipulating me. My actions uncontrollable, as I get up from my couch and go undress for a bath I did not think of having. I turn the water on to full hotness. My mind not able to anticipate the pain I'm about to experience. Now suddenly in the bath tub, I am sitting with my legs crossed before the running water. At first touch, when the water hugged my toes I so desperately needed to jump back from the unbearable stinging, but I had no control over my movements or thoughts. I still don't. My back now stone cold; my hands, forearms, calves, feet, stinging from the running hot water that was executing steam rapidly. My fingers weaving the burning water, playing with it. The searing pain, felt as though my skin was being burned off ever so slowly, an excruciating pulsing itch I desperately wanted to relieve. but it then moments later, simply eased, and became soothing. I have become accustom to this pain so quickly. My feet now numb, as well as my hands. My eyes not able to come off the hypnotic running water, even when It now starts to turn from clear... To grey... To black... Pitch black.

Finally a wave of reclaimed control came to me, allowing me to be able to feel terrified. I still so desperately want to turn off the water, yet for whatever reason I am still not able to. Just then the feeling of heightened fear immediately taken from me almost as fast as it was given, and replaced with this kind of, dark warmth, I had never felt before. I wanted more. Just as that compliance came, my mind is forced into this state of unconsciousness. I feel drained of all strength, drained of all knowledge, drained of all physical feeling... something dark, took over the mood of my body. It was strangely; comforting, welcoming, warming and empowering. I had this feeling as if I was about to be used for something, and I want it desperately.

'You like the burning pain, it pleases you, I please you.'

A soft bittersweet male voice echoed in my mind. I noticed a smile crept across my face, once hearing this voice.... I was falling deeper and deeper into this mental embrace of darkness, yet I wanted it to become more severe. Feeling that different presence within me begin to envelop my entire mind. I began to trace with my fingertips over the vivid blue lines on my inner wrists, lightly feeling my pulse amidst the distraction of the gushing tap. Visions of the crimson liquid coursing through me, made my mouth water and my inner thighs tingle. I need to see my blood, I must! The thought to reach for my razor at the corner of the tub in front of me, came more as an order with out words, than a thought per say. I obliged overly willingly. Not just for the captivating desperation of wanting to see my blood, even taste it, but to also feel more pain. My body now craving it.

Just then, seconds before my hand could grasp the blade, the door to the bathroom flew open. "Alyssa what the hell are you doing?!" I began to lose it once hearing my best friends voice. Keeping my eyes on the tap, the water's blackness lessening to grey then back to clear. My mind returns to its normal state of unknown loneliness, as the presence scatters. Now Knowing what just happened was not right at all, yet I wanted that feeling of something having power over me again. The thought of pleasure I had just experienced put a sly smile back on my face. The burning still irresistible, I know I now have control over my body again, but I have learned to love the pain. Watching the steam raising from the water, I guided my eyes off to my body. My skin that has been touched by the water had completely changed colour. To beet red, but I don't mind. In fact I want more redness. It's almost as if I have been marked. In what other ways could that presence have marked me I wonder, glancing at the razor. I stay rooted waiting for the different presence to come back to me. I even, pray it to.

"Aly! What the actual f**k is wrong with you, your going to burn your f*****g skin off!" Rebecca yelled rushing over and turned off the water. I tried to move but I couldn't exactly feel my legs apart from the tingling. As if I was semi paralyzed. She grabbed a towel off the towel rack, and wrapped me in it. She then helped me up and brought me to my bedroom down the hall where I passed out on my bed to her yelling frantically at me.