190 Days

A poem from a while back that im able to now look back on and be glad I made it through alive.♥️

190 Days.
Today I felt a spark of happiness for once as I look at the ones around me.
180 Days.
Today the spark grews into a flame as the ones who care cover the cowardly wind.
170 Days.
Today it's gotten smaller as I share my spark to those who need it. To those who feel like bad people.
160 Days.
I should stop the count. I feel wanted and loved.
150 Days.
Today wasn't the day but it's okay. They are all happy so I'm happy too.
78 Days.
Today times gotten slower, I can't feel my skin, and I feel sick. I almost saw the darkness.
36 Days.
Today I hate myself. I always have. They claim its not me but who else could it be?
24 Days.
Today I'm 13. The age I swore I'd never see. I should feel proud but I dont because they aren't.
15 Days.
I've gotten sicker as the darkness consumes the only feelings I care for. I try to grab onto the small things but even the small things are being taken.
6 Days.
I thought it was getting better. I thought I would've stopped the count. Why didn't I stop it? Why do I still feel like s**t?
5 Days.
They all can tell I'm not happy. Why do they make me feel bad for not being happy? Am I just dragging their mood down?
4 Days.
Today I slept. I imagined I died. I distanced myself from the world to realize nobody cared. Some part of me thought they would.
3 Days.
187 days in and I just realized they have eachother. They all do. They have their pairs but I don't. I've always got in the way of them and their pairs but I never had my own.
2 Days.
I've found my pair. My trio. But why am I not happy? I want to stop the count but I can't.
1 Day.
Why do I not care? I have something to live for don't I? Why am I a bad person. I'm on my breaking point. Maybe the wind isn't weak at all.
0 Days.
I stand on the chair as I look at my room thats seen it all. The room that has been coated in tears throughout the years. I let the note in my hand glide down as I open my mouth to speak. Nobody heard it. Nobody ever did hear me. "I don't want to-" Is all I said as I stumbled and the darkness around my neck consumed me.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar issues and please leave feedback♥️