The Truth Be Told

Brian knows more than Natasha thinks.

Professor Haner smiles at me but, quickly, his smile disappears and his eyes leave mines, running to another direction. I look back and see Matt coming into the living room. His lovely look becomes aggressive and protecting. I look again at Professor Haner, without knowing what I can do. The truth is I committed a crime and I’m feeling guilty for all I did and facing Brian does that this feeling of guilt becomes higher. He always respected and admired me because of being his best student and one of the best students in the college; after all I did in life.


“I think I should come back another time.” �" Professor Haner steps back, looking at me deeply in the eyes as if I had disappointed him. He turns his back to me but I hold his hand, stopping him and making him to look at me one more time.


“Please, stay.”


“No, Natasha. This is not the best moment. I thought you were alone… like you had said to me…”


“I am.” - I look at Matt. he looks at me too, showing me that he is ignoring Brian’s presence and he’s acting like, since today, this is also his house. He takes the remote control, turns on the TV, putting his feet over the coffee table and lights a cigarette. �" “Matt is leaving, right Matt?” �" Matt looks at me, astonished, as what I had said was something I could never say.


“Natasha, we have that subject to deal with… so, I won’t leave.”


“I can come back later, seriously.” �" I look at Brian, with a puzzle look, saying no with my head. He smiles, looking down and walking back once again, striking, with a pen, a book he is holding, as he is waiting something from me. I have to do something. I cannot lose this opportunity to know what’s wrong with him and, the most important think, I cannot let Matt to get hold of everything that’s mine and becomes bossy about me. I had this experience before and I don’t want to repeat it once again.


“Professor, wait.” �" Brian looks at me, this time with his amazing brightness on his eyes as if he is full of hope. �" “Please, come in.”


“Are you sure? I don’t wanna get you in trouble.”


“More that those I have… it’s impossible, believe me.” �" I step back, opening more the door to let him come in. I close the door and set him out for the living room. Arriving there, Matt gets up of the couch, without looking at me just once. His eyes are busy protecting what is of him, in this case, me. His gaze aims at Brian as if he is about to kill him. I feel shiver in my entire body and fear. I don’t know Matt. I don’t know what he’s fit to do. I don’t know him but I’m afraid if I begin to know him. To quiet the moment, I approach Matt, holding his hand making the attentions fixes on me. I approach his hear avoiding Brian to hear what I’m saying.


“Matt, I need to talk to me… it’s important. Go to take a walk and come back later.”


“I can’t leave you here alone with him, Natasha. I know men like this guy. He’s just a second-rate teacher who's trying to seduce you to take you to his bed.”


“Okay, Matt, but let me be sure if he’s trying do that, okay?” �" Matt looks at me, this time in a way he never look before, as if he’s worried with me but in a lovely and close way what makes my heartbeat increase. I look away, my eyes meet Brian’s eyes for a second and I look down. Matt, never taking his eyes of Brian, take the remote control, turning off the TV, and goes to the bedroom. Seconds later, he appears again, with his jacket on, the same jacket I had used on the assault. He approaches me, putting his arms around my shoulders, and kisses my forehead. He looks one more time at Brian as if he wants to shows him I’m protected. Brian smiles but I keep feeling him insecure and tense.


“I’ll come back as soon as I can.”


“Okay.” �" Matt leaves, beating the door with a strength that makes the house trembles. I take a deep breath and try to concentrate on what‘s really matter. I ask Brian to take a sit while I catch some things that are spread on the floor. I put them over the coffee table and sit in front of Brian, looking at him and getting ready to hear what he has to tell me.


“He really dislikes me, huh?”


“Don’t worry with Matt. Matt is… well, he is… he’s like a brother to me, you know? And… he tries to… to protect me more that himself.” �" I had to lie. I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t tell him Matt is a thief guy; much less I can’t tell him I helped Matt in one of his assaults. Brian notices I’m too much tense and I’m lying. He puts his hand over mine and smiles as if he’s asking me to stop that stupid excuse.


“You don’t have to excuse, Natasha. I’m just your teacher…”


“Yeah… but, by the way… can I know what bring you here?” �" Brian looks away and takes his hand of mine. He joins his hands together, resting his arms on his legs and stars at the ground. I notice how much his hands are shivering and also that he’s sweating. Professor Haner can’t hide me every time he’s tense and nervous. His voice becomes trembling, he stammers and moves a lot his hands while he’s talking, trying to pull away the attentions of his eyes.


“Natasha, I’m here to… I… you… S**t, I shouldn’t come.” �" He gets up of the couch and starts walking very fast towards the door. I run behind him, stopping him grabbing one of his arms. Now, I’m sure it’s something very serious and he needs to tell me but he doesn’t have courage to tell me. The intense way he looks at me catches me, letting me speechless. I feel so tiny before those eyes. He’s so mysterious but, at the same time, so pure and clear. What does he want from me? Why does he decide to tell me about all his nervousness he feels with my presence just now?


“Please, Professor Haner… Tell me, once for all, what’s going on? I know there’s something that bothers you about me. There’s something that bothers everybody who crosses on my path but nobody, never ever, act with me like you do. Sometimes, it seems you’re afraid of me…”


“I’m not afraid of you, Natasha… but you… you are… I come here… Well, I come here to ask you to start to help me with my students in the library. You’re my best student and it would be great if I can count on you.” �" I look at him, frowning and shaking my head slowly, showing the confusion in my head. All this to ask me to help him with his students? No… it’s not that. There’s something more. Something I need and want to know regardless what it could be. I grab his hand and take him to the living room, making him feel even tenser.


“Professor, I’m not stupid as you know. We knew each other two years ago. Since the first day you saw me, you act like that with me, this way… you become tense, confused, lost as if I was… I don’t know… something I feel a little…”


“Natasha ... I know I have always acted in a different way with you. I'm not that kind of person that creates links with the students because, as you know, many of them take advantage of the trust we give them. But, you know, I always see you with other eyes..."


"What do you mean?"


"You know I always wanted you to take advantage of all your talents and learning for you to be what you've never been."


"Professor..."


"I've noticed the way you look upon people. You look at people the way you think they look at you. You have lived so much... it's normal if you feel doubts in who you should trust or not."-Hearing these words, I look for the note which is ahead of me on the coffee table. What Brian is saying corresponds in part to what is on the note.

‘People don’t see you ____ you wish they see you.
But they also don’t see you ____ you think they see you.
You’re so much and you think you’re so _____.’

I don't interrupt him. I'm just listening with rapt attention while my eyes travel between the note and his eyes. I wonder why he's doing this. I wonder why he's here today.


"You can go straight to the point, please? I know well what I went through. I don't want you to make a summary of my life up because you don't know anything about me."


"You're wrong." - Again, I look at the note. The last sentence: 'You're wrong.' I look at Brian quickly, and as if I had no control over me, I get up from the couch never taking my eyes of Brian. I begin to walk back and he gets up too. He stretches out his hand as if he's asking me not to leave, to stay there listening to everything he has to say. - "I know more than I wanted to know about you. I know you didn't do it purposely, Natasha."


"What are you saying?"


"I was on the bank on the day you killed that man. I know that you were forced to do so. But if you didn't kill him, they would kill you. "


"You don't know anything about this..."


"Natasha ... I'm here to help you. I know how much you have suffered from this. I got to see how much you were suffering while you were almost to pull the trigger to that poor man, even having your face covered. I just wanna help... "


“I don’t need help. Neither your help neither of anyone else. Are you feeling sorry for me? Are you feeling sorry for me for the years I spent in reformatory because I have killed a man for drugs? Are you feeling sorry for a person I was and the person I've become? A person who’s ashamed of what she did? A person who can’t face the truth and can’t even face people? A person who has the whole body cut and can’t show it to anyone? Is that it?"


"No. It’s not that. I don’t feel sorry for you. I feel admiration. I don’t know if I could have the strength that you have, if I ever had to go through that. Listen, you're my best student. You have everything to get a successful career. But your skills aren’t enough. You need more. You need to recover the person you were before all this." - Brian approaches slowly and comes to me, caressing my face with his hand, wiping the tears stream down my face with his thumb. I head down to avoid looking at him, to avoid him to see me so close. - "You’re so special and you think you’re nothing, Natasha. Let me help you."


"I need to think about all this. It was all very sudden and I never thought it was this that brought you here. "


"Okay, I will leave you in peace but..." �" he takes a small piece of paper of the inside pocket of his jacket and puts it on the coffee table. - "Don’t mind about the hour, or the day. I'll wait for you. "