Said Goodbye

This is a poem about the loved and lost through your own decisions, but even you don't know the reasons in the end.

Dry cracks of lightening
flash across the barren sky
while I promised myself
I would not cry
for it wasn't you
but it was I
who took the move
in saying goodbye
we had seen it coming
I cannot lie
we watched each other
like a spy
it was a feeling
we couldn't deny
but in the end
we weren't shy
so I can't help
but ask myself why
for it wasn't you
but it was I
who took the move
to say goodbye

Reviews

[L.P. Hawkins]

Bravo! I enjoyed the movement from the imagery at the beginning to the buildup and roundabout to the finale of the tale. This and your other swiftly-flowing poems are a nice treat to read. You take those experiences all of us have had and convey them in such a way as to draw the reader in sharing not only this tale's experience but theirs as well.

A few suggestions to this and a few of your rhyming poems: Be careful to maintain tenses--there are a few past-present clashes. The other is about rhymes: As they are named, they must be rhythmic in order to best work for the reader. This means not only must some end-line words rhyme, but the piece should flow to a cadence--it doesn't always need to be precise but it should be close...and that is the hard part in writing rhythmic poetry; it may work in the writer's mind but only because the writer is the one who created it. The reader, however, reads to their own mind's tune; without a perfect road to tread down the poem's path, the reader can stumble, trip, or halt entirely... and when that happens, they are pulled out of the tale, the magic goes away, and they must use effort to get back into it. A trick I use in writing rhythmic poetry is to figure out the beat/rhythm with which I wish the tale to move and then I write, counting every syllable in every line and counting every line in every stanza, ensuring all match to their respective pattern. This, of course means a lot of rework and eternal touch-ups which can be a pain but the work pays off in the end.

I look forward to reading more!

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thank you very much! I am definately going to take more time with my rhymes and flow. These are poems I have written in the previous year durring my classes before publishing them quickly once I am home so I can begin my homework, so these pieces have not been looked over as much as the more recent ones have been. I will definately be taking the time to do so in the future. Thank you once more!

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad poem. Some decisions made leave us with great sadness. No goodbye is a easy one. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thank you for taking the time to review!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Artiste de Mots]

This is beautiful! I love your writing and how you always make comparisons between feelings and occurrences in nature. Congratulations for yet another wonderful piece!

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thank you! I love lightening, so tying it into a poem makes it more complete to me.

[Ruth]

I so feel this right now!
Resonates...sometimes hard to know we move on and have to address that...this delivers that perfectly, not easy!
I felt this so much, excellent!
xox

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thank you so much. I really am glad that people feel my writing, especially of your greatness.

[Ruth]

Most welcome love! xox

[Sid]

This has a great flow and you portray the emotions really well in just a few lines...great work!!

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thank you:)

[Mal]

The poem has a great flow..the rhythm you have maintained is remarkable, cz it isnt as easy as it sounds..and yes, definitely something I can relate to..choosing is the trickiest part of life! loved your poem..Keep going :)

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thanks. rhythm is one of my struggles. :) Indeed it is. Thanks again

[nanmarie]

I really like the repetition of the one stanza--it really "finished" the poem!

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thanks. I had decided to add it as I posted it. :)

[Kelsey]

This is quite lovely and really relateable. We all realize sooner or later that someone in our life just doesn't belong, leaving us no (logical) choice but to move on. I really love how this flows so well. Great job. (: x

[Emma Kirchhoff]

Thanks. That summed it up really well. I can't quite relate myself, but I know that others can.