Chapter 1: Remorse

I loved him and he to me. He saw into my soul and every word he spoke, touched it. I was lost, and he found me. I gave him everything and he gave me the world. But when he dropped me, I broke.

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It's been two months exactly but it feels like a lifetime. A regretful life I bear. MY body's exhausted and my eyes are deprived of tears. I can't cry any longer. I need an incentive, something to keep me alive because I can't live like this anymore. I gave him my all and now that he's gone, I'm left with nothing.

For the first time in weeks, I get dressed. My stomach is as empty as my heart now. I'd rather not eat at home. Physically I'm starving. But I can't leave the driveway because I can't let go of the fact that he left me. My parents think I'm crazy, I say to myself with my forehead on the steering wheel, but they don't understand. They have each other, I have noone. My car key still reads 'Josh' and I ache as I put it in ignotion just as I put him in my heart. Where he still remains. My hand quivels as I put the car into gear. Reverse; it's theonly direction I seem to be going in.

Fast food, because I no longer care about the way I look. There's noone to impress. I only want one person, everyone else doesn't matter anymore. I use to never eat fast food when I was with him because according to him, "A queen deserves a feast". My food becomes cold as it waits to be eaten just as my heart becomes cold as it waits to be loved.

It makes no sense to go through the drivethru when you eat in the parking lot. But nothing I do makes sense anymore.

I don't want to be seen in public. My eyes are blood red and the sleepless bags lay under them. My wrists are covered with red lines. I haven't the courage to go all the way through. I don't have any courage to do anything.

My throat throbs as my food goes down it. I have rarely spoken in days. My mother worries and I know this, I will speak to her tommorrow.

Author's Note

It's a short first chapter, I know. But I plan for a short book...plan.

Reviews

[J. Marc]

The way I see it, you had a very lucky experience for it revealed a lot about yourself, your wonderful generosity and sense of giving as well as the frailty. But, things are still in your hands and control: you have a very realistic look at your self and will move on, stronger. It is a very sincere and sensitive piece of writing! Great!

[krbritt]

this sounds like it could go somewhere....but make sure it has a real plot
you sometimes over-explain, i.e.: I have rarely spoken in days. use "For days i have rarely spoken" just sounds better
it could use a little more definition, but overall i like it

[Drey Mitchell]

Very emotional. Good use of metaphors.

[Luxovious Sloane]

I think this needs a setting, a more defined plot with an understanding of who the characters are. Nonetheless, i love the emotional appeal.

[Ron]

This is such a common theme. Not surprising the writer is just 16. Yet again the story of young love lost is recorded. Complete with adolescent agony and woe that goes with it. Yes how the pain is on display driving aware parents to distraction. This account about phase one on lifes path is repeated constantly in Writers Cafe. The result will always be the same and that is the Josh boys in this world are pathetically small fish. They never will be worth a molecule of the dirt beneath Annie's little finger.

[Irish_Ranger]

Your use of metaphors and similes are very well done. My favorite ones are at the car section (putting the key in ignition as she put him into her heart; reverse, the only direction). I must admit, it makes for depressing reading but that means the mood is very well-developed. Can't fault it for that at all.

Good writing!

[Linear]

Well I do like them short, this is a sad tale of a lost love, and the aftermath it leaves behind, once again it would benefit from some edditing, ie= no one not noone. some other small points you would know about if you read it out loud, other than that a fine piece of story writing, well done Annie

[Rae CJ]

Very emotional and touching. It makes me want to keep reading. I felt like I could see what she was going thorough, through her eyes. VERY VERY GOOD!!! Can't wait to start the next chapter.

[Jersey]

It's short but extremely detail in it's own way. I seems to me that you have found something that makes questions form in the minds of readers. Questions that I would assume are answered. I like the first part of this piece, it is actually how I personally have felt before. The emotion placed behind this is definatly one that is seen in today's society (which is a good thing when it comes to looking to be noticed).

[Veritasexlogos]

Comments: Good description and emotion here. As readers we can really get into the psyche of the protagonist. I am a fan of very introspective writing and I applaud your ability to stay away from dialogue in an opening chapter. Overall, good work here.

Advice: (note here: advice not commandment). I wouldn't start with this chapter. I feel it would be a good chapter 3 or 4 but not a good opening chapter. This is due to my traditional roots, so by all means ignore it, but this is definitely a complication that can take a book to the next level. If you begin at that level it will be difficult to keep it at that level. If we knew more concrete things about the narrator and her former relationship we would feel even more invested in her sorrow. The rollercoaster should take us up before it drives us down to the ground like this. Heavy emotions can be daunting for a reader to step into immediately. That being said, many authors have been able to work through a critical point as a form of revelation, so I am sure you can too.

Thanks for sharing this book with us. I look forward to reading more; you best just make sure to keep writing more.