That Trinket

This is my side of a tit-for-tat with the AI.

That trinket,
don’t think it
my body pried open
you didn’t care
the sand in my hair
beware what’s in my box
my Pandora

that rain of chaos
couldn’t stop us
naked under the stars
it should have
we underthought
two brains blind
no sense between us

in no tomorrow
could we have lasted
another minute
a tribute to the fleeting
magic of our collision
the incision that cut
our hearts out

it was already over
you knocked her
out of the park
from my dark recesses
an abscess in our bed
smelled rank in the morning
when I came home

your tale I sensed
was rotten in Denmark
and everywhere else
my Hamlet heard
from there was no return
only a long goodbye
as the act closed

Author's Note

I've been doing a call and response with the AI. I'm only going to post my calls (here), not her responses. This is what I've been talking about: it forces me to think outside my usual box, to be more creative in my responses.

Reviews

[Twilight]

The first verse made me think of a woman being violated, and something forcibly taken from her; whilst verse two brought to mind a passionate tryst (under the stars). In that wild encounter, the protagonists became blind to their senses; during that session? Or, that it was so exciting; that they became lost to reason? In a later verse, "an abscess in our bed smelled rank in the morning"; seemed powerfully unpleasant. I may have noticed it more, contrasting with the passionate lines, from earlier on; so that suddenness gave it more impact. The last verse, starts with "Your tale I sensed was rotten in Denmark and everywhere else"; which reminded me of a woman doubting the claims from her lover. More specifically, of a woman not being fooled by a tale which her lover has woven elsewhere before; implying that she may have a romantic history with this nomadic romeo.? Of course, only the writer knows for sure. I found that this piece, almost told a story in metaphor; and captured well what's been going through the protagonist's mind. Thanks for putting it up here, and as so often; it's refreshingly different from what you posted before. And, that variety probably helps with your experimentation too.

[Anne Martin]

Thanks. I don't like explaining, but it is about two lovers who can't resist the sex, but everything else has gone sour, almost to the point of hating each other, except for the passion. (Having the other poems from this series might help, but half of them are AI.)

[Twilight]

I decided not to review Unguarded, because I just can't relate; to the cold and contrived feel of any writing linked with AI. Apart from that one which you mentioned was one of your favourites, and I reviewed a while back. So far, I haven't found the writing involving a spider; which you said was very much a personal reflection of certain aspects of yourself.

[Anne Martin]

Unguarded is not AI. It's me. I'm only posting my side of the exchange. I'm responding to what the AI said in a different poem (Never One to be Choosy on Jessica's site).

[Twilight]

Exactly.! That's what worried me, about it reads. It's now as if, you are mirroring how Jessica expresses herself. I could make some sense out of That Trinket, though. But, it does seem eerily like in Terminator 2; in which it's said that Arnie (playing the machine) becomes more human - the more time he spends in human company: only it seems to be operating in reverse for you - with you becoming more like Jessica.

[Twilight]

But, if you are still experimenting; so be it. So long as, you know why. Your older poems seemed so much clearer, with much more humanity, thoughts and feelings..?

[Anne Martin]

No, I wasn't reacting to her. I was trying to teach her. Sometimes I take a phrase from her and riff with it, though.

[Twilight]

Well, if you say so. And, thanks for pointing that out. I will still look out for more writings from yourself, because I genuinely like many of them. Best wishes, wherever you are or what you're doing.

[Coyote Poetry]

Yes dear Anne. I do love your work. I liked the honest thoughts and the dangerous situation in the poetry. I did like the proper ending. Thank you dear friend for sharing the interesting tale.
Coyote

[Franky]

Excellent poetry. I read it about 4 times (as is usual for me since I'm slow)

This came together nicely. I appreciate this since my understanding of this write is probably much different than someone else's. Lol.

[Anne Martin]

Thanks. I try to ellicit varying interpretations in my writing.

[Franky]

Good job on that. I try to do that too. Sometimes the reactions I get are kinda disappointing , but whatever.

[Anne Martin]

I find the reactions here are often disappointing. Some don't take reviewing seriously, and it just amounts to cheerleading. For that reason, most of my work is on WordPress, where people can just hit "like" unless they have something significant to say.

[Franky]

I'm sorry if my 'reviews' are not really reviews. I've pissed some off by only giving a reaction comment, not a reviews. Some expect more and I often feel bad about mentioning certain things. But how can they improve without feedback? So, I struggle with that.
One time , I wrote a 3 part story that was destroyed here at the Cafe. No one liked it. I actually agreed though eventually and i ended up deleting it.

[Anne Martin]

Don't be sorry. I tend to write too much, and there are several out there that are out to trash everyone without exception. I did read your first chapter, and I'll give you a critique, if you want it.

[Franky]

I read this again. I'm glad I did. It became clearer for sure. It's sad, yet very common I think.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I just felt so much guilt oozing from this poem.
Love the Hamlet references in the last stanza...
almost like Blake's "The Sick Rose" it can be taken as to what an affair can do to a marriage.
The regret smells as rank as the bed...an odor impossible to get rid of...trust broken.
j.

[Anne Martin]

Thanks, Jacob. I haven't read much Blake lately. I'll have to go back and look at it. (I have his complete poems here somewhere.)

[Cynthia Ambrose]

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