That Trinket

This is my side of a tit-for-tat with the AI.

That trinket,
don’t think it
my body pried open
you didn’t care
the sand in my hair
beware what’s in my box
my Pandora

that rain of chaos
couldn’t stop us
naked under the stars
it should have
we underthought
two brains blind
no sense between us

in no tomorrow
could we have lasted
another minute
a tribute to the fleeting
magic of our collision
the incision that cut
our hearts out

it was already over
you knocked her
out of the park
from my dark recesses
an abscess in our bed
smelled rank in the morning
when I came home

your tale I sensed
was rotten in Denmark
and everywhere else
my Hamlet heard
from there was no return
only a long goodbye
as the act closed

Author's Note

I've been doing a call and response with the AI. I'm only going to post my calls (here), not her responses. This is what I've been talking about: it forces me to think outside my usual box, to be more creative in my responses.

Reviews

[Twilight]

The first verse made me think of a woman being violated, and something forcibly taken from her; whilst verse two brought to mind a passionate tryst (under the stars). In that wild encounter, the protagonists became blind to their senses; during that session? Or, that it was so exciting; that they became lost to reason? In a later verse, "an abscess in our bed smelled rank in the morning"; seemed powerfully unpleasant. I may have noticed it more, contrasting with the passionate lines, from earlier on; so that suddenness gave it more impact. The last verse, starts with "Your tale I sensed was rotten in Denmark and everywhere else"; which reminded me of a woman doubting the claims from her lover. More specifically, of a woman not being fooled by a tale which her lover has woven elsewhere before; implying that she may have a romantic history with this nomadic romeo.? Of course, only the writer knows for sure. I found that this piece, almost told a story in metaphor; and captured well what's been going through the protagonist's mind. Thanks for putting it up here, and as so often; it's refreshingly different from what you posted before. And, that variety probably helps with your experimentation too.

[Anne Martin]

Thanks. I don't like explaining, but it is about two lovers who can't resist the sex, but everything else has gone sour, almost to the point of hating each other, except for the passion. (Having the other poems from this series might help, but half of them are AI.)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I just felt so much guilt oozing from this poem.
Love the Hamlet references in the last stanza...
almost like Blake's "The Sick Rose" it can be taken as to what an affair can do to a marriage.
The regret smells as rank as the bed...an odor impossible to get rid of...trust broken.
j.

[Anne Martin]

Thanks, Jacob. I haven't read much Blake lately. I'll have to go back and look at it. (I have his complete poems here somewhere.)

[Cynthia Ambrose]

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