176. Drift (Variation III)

I drift, half in dream, a scream
my body decadent, even astrolucent
your scent, a faint shadow of decency
elicits, prohibits, an exhibition of sorts

desserts in a desert, ignominiously ignamorphic
my ascerbic wit, not much to it
decrepit ephemorate, titillate
a flash, a flare --" no time to hesitate.

Each breath dissolves like stardust,
lost in lunariscent gleam, serene,
until the night folds in, silent and sheer,
and suddenly, you disappear

Reviews

[Twilight]

The rhythm is a bit "jerky", and this piece doesn't rhyme throughout. Generally, the choice of descriptive words seems very good. And, help the reader to imagine what's being depicted. As for the protagonist, it's possibly deliberately ambiguous; as regards where he or she actually is.? Or, what the full range of causes are; for that character's state of mind? They certainly seem to be in a dream-like state, and in the final verse; it's suggested that he or she has been waiting for someone to go. The second verse is playful with words, but has less to actually suggest or imply than either verses one or two? In verse one, I felt as if the protagonist was sharing thoughts and feelings about someone who they're actually with; in an intimately sensual way? Curiously, in verse one; the protagonist suggests that her decadence contrasts with the decency of that intimate partner. And, the final line in that verse, suggests rather directly that juxtaposition of her decadence contrasting with his decency; has prohibited a full intimate session from taking place.? Although, the use of "exhibition" in that line; could be referring to something else?

[Anne Martin]

If' you are looking for end of line rhyme, you're in the wrong place. It is meant to be ambiguous. It's one of my sound art pieces that works on various levels, but the most literal level is the most confusing. The second stanza is more of an exhibition of that decadence (desserts in a desert), a lot of fire here, but short-lived, just like the relationship. I suppose it is post-coital (evident in the third stanza), the calm after the fire of the second. Yes, the (decent) object is perhaps more constrained than the fireball lover.

[Twilight]

Yes, I see. I know from reading your other works, that you don't often choose to go for rhyming patterns. Returning to those desserts in the desert (fermenting there lol?), I imagined them; as represented two "tasty dishes" - as in two tasty couples. In England, tasty is just a crude way to refer to someone physically attractive; shall we say? Usually, people used it colloquially; though it's become out of vogue.I accept your explanations, of your choice of words in verse two. You included the word "titillate" within it, but that wasn't enough to make it immediately obvious that anything was being hinted at erotically in that verse (apart from those scrumptious desserts lol?). Psychologically, because you actually mentioned using "ascerbic wit" in verse two; I partially switched-off from pondering more.? Anyway, thanks for sharing here, because I know you're often at "the other place"; hanging out in The Cult Of Anne or elsewhere..!

[Pete]

very nice. great wording and imagery that sticks to the mind.

[Anne Martin]

Thanks for your kind words, Pete.