UNTIL

Until last night 

I was missing the key

to a place I forgot existed.

Until last night

I was afraid to

express myself for

fear of rejection,

retribution 

from those who say

I'm not dumb enough 

'cause my English is good,

not black enough 'cause I am an Asian,

not white enough

'cause my skin is brown.

Some people see me as not straight

cause I wear baggy jeans and have flat chest.

But there are others who think I am straight enough

cause in the past I've loved a man.

Not enough labels to tag me.

Not enough

STRENGTH 

To say ENOUGH!!!

It was all fine

until last night.

Loneliest night I've ever spent.

Looking in the mirror

I cringed at my own reflection

Believed all women 

were strong 

until I saw my mother

crouched in a corner

searching for protection against 

the hurricane of misunderstood emotions.

Grieved for my absent father

until I stood in his pedestal

finally understood 

he was simply a man.

Believed I was a rape victim

until I acknowledged the word

SURVIVOR!!!

Hated my feminine curves

wide hips, full belly

until I experienced the dangers of bulimia.

Confined myself to an invisible cage,

until I decided to break free.

Until I met strangers,

derailed souls.

Until last night,

when I opened the door,

and I found myself.

 

Reviews

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

This is brilliant Ann...you have aptly depicted the horrors and strength of the modern indian woman through your writing. Women in India deserve a lot more than what they get. I have been fortunate enough to have encountered many such women in my life. Through all their problems, they stand tall and inspire other weak women. I'll tell you one little secret, a man is stronger when he is with his woman...but women can get stronger even without them.
I love the second last stanza most.
"Confined myself to an invisible cage,
until I decided to break free.
Until I met strangers,
derailed souls."

[Anita Singh]

Thanks, Chandradhish! I think this is for any individual, not just women. Some aspects can be related to both the genders. And thank you for sharing that lil secret with me. ;)

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

You are welcome... :)

[icelandicblue]

This is fabulous. It is so easy to allow society to bag and tag us. Your language is beautiful and your images disturbing so that the reader could feel the tragedy of it all. The ending was perfect, a rejection of labels a realization we are who we are not who we're told we are. I love the picture that also went along with this piece. A very effective and memorable image in this stanza:

Believed all women
were strong
until I saw my mother
crouched in a corner
searching for protection against
the hurricane of misunderstood emotions.

[Anita Singh]

Thank you so much! Happy to know my composition struck the right chord and you could relate to it. :)

[V. P. Trujillo]

This is very great, gave me that tingling sensation, the sort you know....touches, in awe. I felt this, thank you.

[Anita Singh]

Thanks for stopping by and reading my work! Have a nice day!! :)

[Blue]

One of the most inspiring poems I've read on this site so far. I can relate to the speaker's plight. "the hurricane of misunderstood emotions." I adore that line. I wish I could say more and give you a detailed review but I'm about to take my lunch and my space bar is not functioning well so I think this is just for now. But believe me when I say it's good. : )

Have a a great day, beautiful lady.

[Anita Singh]

Haha! Blue, you bring a smile on my face! Its great to know that my compositions are a source of inspiration to others. Blue, you are such a happy person and full of life and I think your outlook towards life is just great. I was so silly when I was at your age.
And yes I feel the same about you. You have a beautiful soul, Blue. Keep smiling, hun. Enjoy your meal! :)

[Blue]

Your words cheered me up.Thanks, Anna!

[Avinash]

Welcome to the land of free... and you are beautiful :)

[Anita Singh]

Yes Avinash, theres nothing like being free. So sweet of you. Thank you :)

[A. Amos]

Until last night,
when I opened the door,
and I found myself.

Great write and above last lines were killer...good job my friend

[Anita Singh]

Thanks, Amos. Have a nice day! Keep shining!! :)

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome

[just Penny]

I found this quite moving and inspirational. I like how the strength revives out of tragedy and I love the metaphor of key and door, particularly the opening stanza with "missing the key to a place I forgot existed". A great write, well done :) Penny

[Anita Singh]

Thank you for noticing the small details, Penny. :)

[Sami Khalil]

A self realization poem with emotive aspects. Thank you for sharing...:)....

[Anita Singh]

Thank you for stopping by to read! :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)..................

[Baby Ricochet]

This is one intense piece. Outstanding work Annabella

[Anita Singh]

Thanks, Baby! So glad you liked it. :)

[Scott Metro]

Excellent self examination.
Sometimes it seems we are all screwed up..then...we find out we are just human..filling in that gap between birth and death...trying to spit the bit of our own creation.
Enjoyed this.
Scott

[Anita Singh]

And that is why we can all relate to this. Cause we all have been through this at some point of time in our life. Thanks, Scott. :)

[Scott Metro]

:)
Scott.....