UNTIL

Until last night 

I was missing the key

to a place I forgot existed.

Until last night

I was afraid to

express myself for

fear of rejection,

retribution 

from those who say

I'm not dumb enough 

'cause my English is good,

not black enough 'cause I am an Asian,

not white enough

'cause my skin is brown.

Some people see me as not straight

cause I wear baggy jeans and have flat chest.

But there are others who think I am straight enough

cause in the past I've loved a man.

Not enough labels to tag me.

Not enough

STRENGTH 

To say ENOUGH!!!

It was all fine

until last night.

Loneliest night I've ever spent.

Looking in the mirror

I cringed at my own reflection

Believed all women 

were strong 

until I saw my mother

crouched in a corner

searching for protection against 

the hurricane of misunderstood emotions.

Grieved for my absent father

until I stood in his pedestal

finally understood 

he was simply a man.

Believed I was a rape victim

until I acknowledged the word

SURVIVOR!!!

Hated my feminine curves

wide hips, full belly

until I experienced the dangers of bulimia.

Confined myself to an invisible cage,

until I decided to break free.

Until I met strangers,

derailed souls.

Until last night,

when I opened the door,

and I found myself.

 

Reviews

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

This is brilliant Ann...you have aptly depicted the horrors and strength of the modern indian woman through your writing. Women in India deserve a lot more than what they get. I have been fortunate enough to have encountered many such women in my life. Through all their problems, they stand tall and inspire other weak women. I'll tell you one little secret, a man is stronger when he is with his woman...but women can get stronger even without them.
I love the second last stanza most.
"Confined myself to an invisible cage,
until I decided to break free.
Until I met strangers,
derailed souls."

[Anita Singh]

Thanks, Chandradhish! I think this is for any individual, not just women. Some aspects can be related to both the genders. And thank you for sharing that lil secret with me. ;)

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

You are welcome... :)

[CA Anurag Sharma]

Brilliantly written.... liked the positive ending.....I believe woman are more mentally and emotionally strong then men.....very well crafted work

[Lizzie]

Brilliantly written.. well crafted.. well executed. I am energized after reading this. Feeling positive about myself. Thank you Annabella. YOU are great.

[Frieda P]

There is so much strength in your reflections here annabella, finding oneself amidst all the chaos of labels can be daunting at times...kudos!

[Anita Singh]

It is my pleasure, Frieda. Thank you for reading my work! :)

[Frieda P]

From one survivor to another, great work, and my pleasure! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Annabella, you create a journey of great learning.
"Confined myself to an invisible cage,
until I decided to break free.
Until I met strangers,
derailed souls.'
Sometime we know dark places to know where to find the light. I did like the positive ending. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Anita Singh]

Thank you and you are welcome, dear friend! :)

[Tai Ryens]

The various labels that you allude to always seem to point in the same direction and I really adore the way by which you presented that you will no longer allow those said labels to define you. I almost sense a little romanticization (for lack of a better term) in your words, as if at one time, you both glorified and demonized certain aspects of yourself or your life until finally, you mature enough to realize that they do not rule over you as so gravely believed in the past.
I reread this multiple times, and each time was all the more profound than the last. You truly are a survivor, and it's an honor to read a survivor's tale. Stay strong and stay witty, you've done well; thank you for writing this.

[Anita Singh]

Wow! Thanks, Taite. Your words are always uplifting and encouraging. You are right in pointing out that I both like and dislike certain aspects of myself and my life. I still do. You can say that I am a "work-in-progress". Always learning and searching. Thank you for reading my work. :)

[Matilda]

Wow. Just wow. I really loved this part:

"Believed I was a rape victim
until I acknowledged the word
SURVIVOR!!!"

I loved that part because it made me realize that if something bad happens to you, you are not defined by the negative part, you are defined for being BRAVE and that can apply to literally, every situation. So thank you for that.

[Anita Singh]

You are welcome my dear friend. The best we can do is to find something positive in every unfortunate situation. I've learnt that. To think that you are a victim and feel guilty about it is not going to get you anywhere. It is a downfall all the way. Thank you for reading my work! :)

[WILDERNESS]

A very different poem. you have certainly climbed the caged walls with this one.... very powerful expression and liberating to read.............. smile :)

[Anita Singh]

Thank you! It was liberating for me to write it too! :)

[Saddam]

Fanulous write. Great read dear. I had review it without words. Kuch bacha hi kahan hai!

[Anita Singh]

Shukriya! Ye sun ke achha laga. Thanks again!!! :D

[Caradoc]

I don't really have the words...

This piece is just amazing and well written. A strong message you've included.

-Caradoc

[Anita Singh]

Thank you so much dear! Your review cheered me up! :)

[Caradoc]

You're very welcome. :)