A Box of Chocolates

Read my mind, tell me your thoughts

Tell me you love me

And untie these knots

 

Look in my eyes, and see what I see

Feel what I feel

And long to be free

 

Hold my hands tight, don't dare let go

It's a little chilly

Hearts cold as snow

 

Melt the sweet sadness with all of your rays

Look at me deeply

I long for your gaze

 

 

 

Reviews

[EcstaticEuphoria]

Very heart felt, the depth of emotion. "And untie these knots" such a great line! Great job

[Jade]

This is really good, sweet write too

[Sami Khalil]

Sweetly you write and sweetly we enjoy. Excellent as the love for chocolate...:)..............

[Emunah June.]

I kinda like the choppy flow, if we're being honest here. To me, its almost like an ocean's wave: beautiful in its own rite, yet is not bound to the ideas of others. In fact, this whole poem is totally out of the ordinary! I love it! The title alludes to guilty pleasures, and the poem doesn't fail to keep that image up! All in all, a pretty solid piece of work that deserves a place in every writers library!

[J Johnson III]

Well thank you. Probably the best review I have received.

[Cameron Griffith]

The poem flows very nicely, but lose it later in the poem, enjoyed reading it. Great subject, perfect rhymes, and well done imagery.

[J Johnson III]

Yea I understand. I realized I lost the flow after I posted it. I don't proof read (definitely need to start) and I don't go back and edit. Thanks for your review and kind words.

[Cameron Griffith]

I do the same thing haha, its a habit!

[Shadow Paradox]

Umm can I have box chocolates lol What a fun poem with deep meaning. The rhyme was on point and I enjoyed reading. Now I really want some chocolate :)

[J Johnson III]

Haha, don't we all? Thank you so much for your kind words.

[Anne Martin]

OK, here is my brief take on metric stress. Your first two stanzas flow nicely, but the last two get turned around with their stresses. "It's a little chilly" has 2 syllables too many. Also your first 7 lines are trochaic (triple meter), but the next two are dachtylic (double meter). The fourth stanza is the same. Yes, you can play with meter, but you set up a logical flow, and then break it for no apparent reason.

Saying that, I like the feel of the first two stanzas as well as the imagery of the whole.

[J Johnson III]

Thank you for your review. I do understand what you are saying and I will definitely work on it for future works. If I proofread more I think I can solve this issue. I really do appreciate what you have to say, thank you so much.

[Konigin]

This is sweet! I like it. Also, I LOVE your rhymes! :)

[J Johnson III]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

[Konigin]

You're welcome.

[Jennie Baron]

Very sweet and romantic and the snow metaphor is apt. I like this a lot!

[J Johnson III]

Thank you so much for your kind words!

[Girl With A Pen]

This was so beautiful! It really pulls at your heart. Wonderful!

[J Johnson III]

Thank you so much for your kind words.