chapter4

This no letter , not with the usual meaning of a letter .

This is me talking to you. Letting you know what hurts me the most . All the things I wish I could've said to you , but never was able to. 

I'll write it all down . 

Maybe you'll read it .

 Maybe you'll know it's for you . And there's no one but you , there were only you all along . And if only  you could understand my pain and all that I'm going to say .

I was on the way to your place the other day , just after we broke up . I had forgot my books along with my favorite shirt at your place . 

All of  these thoughts started coming at me .

I prayed god I won't have to knock or to see you .

 But, then I hoped you weren't with another girl, how painful would it be to hear her moaning loudly .  

Then , I thought desperately and out of loneliness how amazing would it be if you'd open the door and you'd stare at me then you'd pull me so hard from my arm so I'd fall in your chest weak and hopeless . That you'd close the door while kissing me so passionately . That you'd grab my face with your hands pull my hair all so violently and all so quickly  . How your hands would run through my shaking body so delicately yet so strong.  And that you'd f**k me right there behind that closed door . Then on the floor . And I'd gasp and scream your name. I'd rip off your skin and I'd die . I'd cry out loud 'I love you' , 'I LOVE YOU ' over and over . Why did you give up on us , give up on me .

I understand if you can't love me but why do this to us , to me .

I was standing at the door trying to catch my breath and hide the tears and decided to knock . I knock. You open fast . A part of me runs in your arms I can feel you hands through my hair . Your smell, and I inhale . Then I close my eyes for a moment , ask you to get my things . And walk away . Did you feel it , the tense of my burning desire to you ? My soul screaming for you , wanting you so desperately? I've just walked away and after few minutes I've heard you close the door but did not have the nerve to look back . Were you staring at me as I walked away ? were you surprised ?

 Oh , dear , I love you . With every inch of my damaged soul craving for you , I love you .

Reviews

[Echoes of Eros]

Love in all its raw, passionate, painful longing. You create this feeling of overwhelming anxiousness in the fabric of this letting go, while being forever woven into each other. This is so filled with the scars of the soul, dear Nourhene. xo