Feels

Just a random rant

I feel awful.

It feels like more than just jealousy.
It feels like more than just missing my mom,
And my dog.
It feels like more than loneliness,
It feels harder than just being lost.
It feels worse than missing my music,
Worse than not having a home.
It feels like more than being exhausted,
More than being stressed,
More than being behind.
It feels heavier than never being able to fit in.
It feels like someone threw me onto another planet, without oxygen, and I can’t breath.
Like my insides are literally being crushed by the difference in air pressure.
Like my head is going to explode but my heart won’t stop beating,
Or aching.
Like the tension won’t release until my life gives out.

The aliens of this planet don’t speak my language.
They’re confused, worried, offended;
They don’t want me here.
I’m trying to explain,
And I choke.
My words cannot be made out,
They aren’t understood.
It feels impossible.
And when I catch on to these foreign creature’s sounds, I make my own.
They question me and then argue the case.

Listen to me,
Why don’t you understand?
Why am I in the wrong?
I didn’t mean to sound that way, what the hell is going on?
They’re offended,
They want me to leave.
I’m trying
I’m trying
I’m trying, but I feel awful.
I feel a wreck.
It feels worse than just being upset,
Knowing everything’s a mess.
It feels worse than not feeling,
Feelings are what bring you to life.
But times like these I feel too much,
Sometimes I feel like I’d rather die.