The Unknown

I'm Sonata, a patient at a mental institute in Illinois. Something strange has happened, but I can't believe what it is...

“The Unknown”

 

 

The morning light shines through my bedroom window. I’m already awake, exploring my prison for the millionth time. There’s no escape, because my parents gave me up when I was a baby. This is the only ‘home’ I’ve ever known.

      I walk down the hallway, which to my surprise is vacated. At this hour the little children would be chasing each other down the halls. And I don’t see any of the monitors anywhere; they usually keep patients like me inside the building at all times. There aren’t any doctors or counselors. It’s like everyone got up and left just like that.

      “Hello?” I call, but my voice didn’t make its usual echo through the long corridor.

      I keep walking down the hall, and then I see two boys dressed in some new kind of fashion I didn’t recognize. They have a two strange metal boxes with them. As I walk up to them, they don’t seem to notice me.

      “Hello? Who are you?” I ask them.

But they disregarded me.

      “Are you patients here?” I try again.

Still I get no answer from them and they go up the stairs to the second floor. I gasp; nobody is allowed to go up there.

      “No, wait!” I call, running after them.

      I can’t feel my feet running on the stone floor, like I’m gliding. But my mind is too focused on the boys to look down at my feet. My breath catches because I’m afraid. If any of the staff catch me up here…

      And then I see the two boys go into the warden’s office. My legs freeze; I’m not allowed upstairs and I’m definitely not allowed in the warden’s room without permission. Breaking both of these rules will result in something far more severe than just a beating. But I can’t let those two unknowingly-I assumed they weren’t patients anymore, so they can’t have known the rules-go into a room that could result in their demise. As I come into the room, there is no warden. Just the boys.

      “Are you getting anything, Braxton?” the taller boy asks.

      “Yeah! It just spiked to a 4.6!” the other replies.

I have no idea what they’re talking about.

      “Boys, come on. You can’t be in here,” I say, beginning to walk toward them.

      “Okay, say something,” the shorter boy tells his friend, as if he didn’t hear me.

I notice that the taller boy has the other box in one hand. What is he planning to do? Then he presses a red button on its side.

      “If there’s anyone here, please give us a sign of your presence,” he says.

      Oh, I’ll give them a sign. I grab the box out of his hand. Wait; hold on…my hand just went through him! I scuttle backwards, my back going through the wall. I scream, I must be losing my mind!

      “What’s going on?!” I yell out loud.

      “Whoa! Did you hear that, Andrei?” I hear one of the voices say.

Quivering, I poke my head into the room again; the boys are standing as if something has left them dumbfounded.

      “Play it back,” the small boy demands in a rush.

The taller boy presses a black button next to the red one, and then a screaming voice echoes from it…

      “What’s going on?!”

      It is my voice. No, this doesn’t make any sense! Why can they hear me on that thing but not when I’m speaking to them without it?

      “Andrei, do you think it’s her?” the small boy asks the other.

      “Maybe.”

Tears fill my eyes. I’m so scared. The tall boy clicks the red button again.

      “Tell me what’s going on!” I cry desperately.

      “What’s going on!” the device says.

The whole message didn’t get through, but I don’t notice. The boys stare at each other.

      “Are you a patient here? What’s your name? Please speak into our box again,” the tall boy tells me.

      “Tell me…what’s going on?” I speak in a small voice.

      “Tell me…,” is all the device gets.

      “Can you tell us who you are?” one asks.

      “Is this your home?” the other questions.

      In a hoarse whisper, I answer, “Yes…”

      “Yes…,”

      The boys stare at each other again. The small boy looks about the room. I’m convinced that something has happened to me; something I’ve never experienced before. I can’t explain it.

      “It’s really cold,” he says. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

      Then they go out and down the hall, nearing the main patients’ room. I follow after them, almost unwittingly. Again, my feet feel like they’re floating.

      “The EMF just dropped from 3 to 1.5…,” the small boy muttered. “Wait, now it’s up to 4.2.”

      “I’ll start then,” the tall boy declares, and apparently pressed the red button. “Is somebody here? Who are you?”

I say nothing. I just stare at them inertly.

      “How did you die?” the smaller boy asks.

      Die…? Did he say ‘die’? Again, I say nothing; I’m too busy trying to comprehend his question. They look disappointed when there is no answer on the recorder.

      “You can’t tell me what’s going on, can you?” I question aloud, hoping they wouldn’t hear me.

      Finally I give up trying to find answers of why they are here and what is happening to me. I go back to my room and sit in the corner, feeling forlorn. When I look down expecting to see my bare feet, I’m shocked to find that I have none. My feet! They’ve disappeared! A loud scream escapes my lips and I jolt up. I look down at my hands; and I can see the floor is lucid through my hands and arms. By this time I am shaking uncontrollably. I heave and mutter incoherently.

      “What am I?!” I bellow.

~*~*~*~

      The night has almost come, and I’m still in my room, slightly hysterical and unwilling to accept this absurd reasoning that I might be dead. I can’t be dead! Just yesterday I was living my normal life; as normal of a life as a mental patient can be. Now suddenly…it’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore.

      The boys left hours ago; I heard the front door slam shut and hadn’t cared to watch them go. There’s so much I want explained. If I’m dead, why haven’t I noticed it until now? How did I die? Where has the time gone?

      I look out my window and see the crescent moon levitating in the sky. The dark shade around it is surrounded by thousands of start. It’s midnight.

Midnight…

      It’s so quiet; the other patients are already asleep. I don’t hear any of the staff moving, so I bet most of them have gone home. I seemed to always be the last one to fall asleep. My favorite time of the day is a night, when I get to watch the dark sky. I decide that it was enough stargazing for one night, so I crawl onto my bed. I don’t want the sheet over me, they itch. I don’t know how long it takes me before I’m fast asleep.

~*~*~*~

      The morning light shines through my bedroom window. I’m already awake, exploring my prison for the millionth time. There’s no escape, because my parents gave me up when I was a baby. This is the only ‘home’ I’ve ever known…

 

(So if you're confused about the end, here's a little insight on ghosts: they seem to do the same exact things over and over forever. So even though she thinks she's just going on with her daily life, she really just repeating something she'd done years ago. So I thought what if ghosts can realize they're dead, yet they still repeat what they always do? So that's when I got the idea of having Sonata's memory, in essence, click the restart button when the time reaches midnight. So she basically forgets everything that had happened that day and doesn't remember realizing she is dead.)

Author's Note

Is there something I can work on to make things clearer?

Reviews

[A.J. Aston]

I feel like the Simon Cowell of reviewers but here goes: '
'I keep walking down the hall, and then I see two boys dressed in some new kind of fashion I didn’t recognize.' It should be '...fashion I don't recognize'. Keep your tenses uniform.
'But they disregarded me.' According to www. thesaurus.com - "ignore is properly used of things that are present in our surroundings; but for things like rules, conventions, stipulations, contracts, the right word is disregard". Use ignore.
It's always preferable to use: 'it's as if' instead of 'it's like'.
'But I can’t let those two unknowingly-...' 'unwittingly' would sound better. Also, try to rearrange this sentence or use () for the middle section instead.
'I follow after them, almost unwittingly'....don't you mean 'unwillingly'?
' Finally I give up trying to find answers of why they are here and what is happening to me. ' Might this not be better: ' Finally I give up trying to find answers of why they are here. Besides, I'm more concerned about what is happening to me.'
'... and I can see the floor is lucid through my hands and arms.' Go to www.thesaurus.com and put in the word 'lucid' - now, are you sure you want to use this word?
'The night has almost come, and I’m still in my room, slightly hysterical and unwilling to accept this absurd reasoning that I might be dead. ' Maybe 'idea' would be better than 'reasoning'?
'... as normal of a life as a mental patient can be.' Can have, not can be.
Of all your stories I have read, I liked this one the most. It has a lot of potential, particularly if you can find a way of weaving into the story the concept you mention at the end, i.e. that ghosts relive days and don't know they are doing so. This ghost, unusually, realizes she's dead. Perhaps, through the boys and their box, she (and the reader) learn that she is repeating the day over and over. Maybe she manages to do something (like Patrick Swayze in "Ghost") and.....well, I'm sure you can figure it out.
Bottom line - anytime you decide to use a word you would not normally employ, check in thesaurus first!! A.J.

[~AnnaCentric~]

Thank you for the review once again, A.J.! And the first thing i'd like to clarify is that I DO use thesaurus.com while I'm writing all my stories. The thing with me is that I like to use colorful words, and, as you can clearly see, I always seem to end up overusing it!
I really like writing this story, because I'm really into ghost stories. And I thought it would be good to kind of put that situation into the perspective of the ghost herself, instead of the person (or in this case, people) hunting her. But I don't want the reader to think Sonata could do anything about the fact that she's already passed. That's why her memory reset at midnight. That's the idea I thought about when I was watching ghost stories on TV for inspiration.
They always do the same things over and over. So even if they DID realize they were dead, there must be something that clicks in their brain that, well, makes them forget. And so, they continue doing those same things as if they haven't realized a thing.
I'm glad you enjoyed this story. This was my favorite story to write besides "Deliver Me Safely". And I'll make sure to read and review your new piece of work!
One last little note.... I don't feel you're reviewing like Simon Cowell. I like criticism. The more the better!

[A.J. Aston]

Dear Anna, So glad to hear that you use Thesaurus. It is a website that has saved me many an embarrassing mistake, believe me! You actually did me a favor by asking for your stories to be reviewed because I find that I very much enjoy the task. Unlike many a critique I have seen on this site, I do tend to tear into the writing because I truly believe that constructive criticism is the best way to improve. Having said that, not all suggestions should be followed. Those that refer to incorrect usage of words or grammatical errors - these MUST be corrected. Others which talk about the direction of the story itself - well, the story is your after all and if you feel strongly about how your structured it, by all means, stick to it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise (unless it's your publisher in which case, you might want to reconsider!:-)).
If you are in contact with other writers (on this site or elsewhere) who might want to subject themselves to my brand of critique, by all means send them my way. All I will ask in return is that they read my blog and pass it on. Have to build that damn platform somehow.....:-) Thanks, A.J.

[RustyBlade]

i think it was quiet clear in your story here it intrigued me to the very end. you are a very fluent writer and should continue on your path.