Right Now

Thoughts by a character who is a senior in high school and worrying about the future.

I hope there is more to life than the bleak future that I am seeing right now. Right now. What a lame, impatient phrase. But I am serious. Everywhere I look, I smell putrid human nature pervading my nostrils. There is nothing but average, dramatic, blah, and elite snobbery. Where is true worth and happiness? I am supposed to be building my life. My life. What a selfish, bratty phrase. Everyone is asking what I am going to do later in my life. The truth is, I don’t know because what I see in the future versus what I want for the future are entirely different things.

Endless possibilities with seven billion people in the world. Everything about this statement is a farce. Possibilities and the future are based off of unique desires and dreams. These nouns are as sprinkled with sparkles as a pair of fairy wings. But honestly, desires and dreams that are unique is what makes a person approach greatness. But with seven billion humans writhing in their stinky human nature (myself included), unique desires and dreams are as sparse as humans are overpopulated. College: Dartmouth, Yale, Emory, University of Chicago. Tradition, tradition. Tradition as graceful as Leonardo Da Vinci’s paintings. Yet tradition as thick as overcooked oatmeal.

Where is balance? Where is happiness? Is happiness the greatest goal of one man, or is one man’s misery for the majority’s happiness greater? Into whose perspective am I supposed to peer into my own life. My life. Is life my life? Or is life shared? Are we so connected that we are not to think of ourselves as loners, but as a machine. But uniqueness… desires and dreams. Neither cogs nor spokes have desires and dreams. We do. I do.

Dartmouth, Yale, Emory, University of Chicago. Bright labels on dull sale items. Large boxes for small things pervaded by human nature.

My life. What is value? What is the value of a human being?

 

I hope there is more to life than the bleak future that I see right now. Right now. What a scary, instantaneous word. What an odd thing which describes the thing that has passed as quickly through as it has approached. Now is here. Now is ever present. But material of Now is fading. My life is fading.

 

I am fading.