Wet Blanket Weather

Sensation of dank weather

I feel a wet blanket over the sky

Heavy, sagging morose.

I hear his sloppy dampened sigh

As he dampens all our clothes.

I feel a wet blanket over the sky

Blustery, blowing his nose.

I cringe as his sneeze causes the breeze

And flustered, I run to my home.

Author's Note

The last line didn't follow the same rhyme pattern. Should I change that?

Reviews

[*]

Hmm, this is a good poem but I find myself strugging with it. It's a short poem so the lack of rhyme at the end doesn't bother me. I don't think morose and clothes are perfect or near rhymes anyway which is fine.

I like the personification involved but I find the blanket idea out of place. A wet blanket to me is ikky. :) The title makes me think of a wet blanket being laid over me. Yuk! :) It's also difficult to think of a wet blanket in terms of personification. Maybe if it was being squeezed it might work for me.

It feels like a wet blanket
being squeezed over the sky
Heavy, sagging and morose.
And I hear a sloppy dampened sigh
As it dampens all our clothes.

This revision could wind up being a problem though when it comes to blowing its nose. haha
But anyway, you get the picture.

[Annie]

Thank you! Your reviews always push me to not be married to my work, but change it for the better!

[*]

You're welcome Annie.

[Sami Khalil]

Dank weather can give us dank feelings indeed...Bravo

[Annie]

I've been enjoying your reviews. Great to have someone commenting! Thank you very much.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...Any time...:).......................

[Neon]

I loved and enjoyed the poem much. It's made me smiley... and No ... There's no need to change the rhyme .. it's well panned but when someone as beautiful as you asks for a help .. I never ignore their words .. so, if you want a proper rhyme that suits on yer nice poem .. you got it ..here we go

Check it out :-)

Ist -Verse

I feel a wet blanket over the sky
The sky disperses the colors of light
I feel the beauty of life
I wish to fly over the sky ...

And if you didn't like this then i can modify yourse one too ... Have a look .

IInd-verse...

I feel a wet blanket over the sky
Blustery, blowing his nose...
I cringe as his sneeze... just causes the breeze
And flustered, like am a Rose.

Your cool, Annie.

[Annie]

A lovely, bright, scenic rendition! Unfortunately, I cannot be so cheap as to steal your rhymes, so I will leave them to your copyright. I am happy that you enjoyed the poem and that you think I am cool :)

[Neon]

It's even a pleasure to hear such kinda lovely words from a beautiful girl .. but I do love watching when someone as beautiful as you steal my words .. So .. I do allow you .. please steal my words and you won't be cheap coz ..your onself a cold breeze ..

I've even made that write for you and by the way .. that's why i mentioned in the write that your like a rose after all your a rose of love, your beauty's what that make everyone numb, god's gifted you pretty girl .. May you live long with this stunning beauty you've got.

[Justine Wrigley]

I love poems like these, where there is such a great rhythm. When I read this, I mentally drew sweet little illustrations to go along with it.
I'm usually not a poetry enthusiast... But if you can get me to draw and paint in my head, you're pretty cool in my book (:

-JW

[Annie]

Now I feel so special!! Thank you for commenting!

[Laminators Dubai]

for me last line it fine.
i liked the whole poem anyway....its funny and lively.
"his sneeze" haha....so sweet^^

[Annie]

Awe, I am glad you think so! I had so much fun coming up with rhymes for this poem