The Journey of a Lazy Girl

The Journey of a Lazy Girl

 

“Good afternoon, passengers. This is a boarding call for Myanmar Airways International flight No. 338 to Thailand.” As the announcement echoed through the terminal, Paw reminded her friends to join the queue for boarding. But as she glanced back, there was no one waving goodbye for her, reality hit her she was alone. Her eyes seemed full of tears, but she forced herself not to cry, she slowly turned forward and took deep breaths. Suddenly, Amoe (her mother) crossed her mind, Amoe was the only person she had ever trusted completely and who had loved her unconditionally. If Amoe were still alive, she would have been there, standing behind Paw, her eyes full of tears, her words full of reminders, and her hands gently wiping Paw’s face. Maybe Amoe wouldn’t have let her go.

“Amoe, I miss you,” Paw whispered softly to herself.

It had been a year since Amoe had passed away, leaving a void that nothing could fill. Since then, Paw had felt like her life lacked meaning, though she knew she had to keep going, even if she didn’t know how long she could endure.

Once seated on the plane, she texted her sister before the flight took off.
“I’m on the flight, we’ll be taking off soon.”

Moments later, her phone rang. It was her elder brother who left with her Appa (father) in the village.

“Hello?” Paw answered.

“Paw? Are you still at the airport?” her father’s familiar voice asked.

“Yes, Appa. But we’ll be taking off soon,” she replied.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see you off. Take care of yourself. And don’t forget God,” he said gently but his voice seems sad.

“It’s ok, Appa. You take care too. Stay close to Ko Ko and call me sometimes,” Paw replied, her voice trembling.

The cabin crew approached, reminding her to turn off her phone.

“Appa, I have to go. The flight’s about to leave.”

She ended the call and looked at on "Welcome to Yangon International Airport" sign as the last memory because she had no idea when or if she can return. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, silently praying.

“God show me the light and protect Appa, Ko Ko and Say Htoo.”

“Amoe, I hope you are watching over me from up there”. Paw doesn’t know and see what will happen in her future. She is praying again.

“God, I know you are testing me but please don’t abandon me.”

‘You taken half of my life with you, please no more testing God.’ Paw meant to her Amoe.

Her name is Paw, was born in a Karen village in Ayeyarwady division of Myanmar but had grown up in Yangon city since middle school. She had lived with her aunt’s family to continue her education, leaving her village and her parents behind. Not only Paw but also her siblings were together because the is only primary school in their village and her parents could not afford their school fees for higher education. Therefore, her eldest aunt from her father’s side who was a nurse and worked in the hospital brought them to continue their study. Though Paw’s appearance is not included in the beautiful faces but she was often described as cute. However, she never saw herself as beautiful. Paw has a slightly chubby frame, milk white skin, monolid eyes, and crooked teeth made her a unique charm. But she never acknowledges her existence. Paw’s world had darkened significantly after Amoe’s death. She struggled with feelings of hopelessness, often questioning her purpose in life. No one knew that she had once been a cheerful, imaginative child until criticisms and life’s hardships stole her dreams. Her struggles began when her parents sent her to Yangon. There, she faced homesickness, isolation, and emotional turmoil. Though her elder siblings were also living with their aunt, they were  used to the city life and aunty’s rules and regulation. When Paw and her siblings lived in the village, their family consisted of six members her mother, father, elder brother, elder sister, her father’s sister (their aunt), and herself. As the youngest in the family, Paw was born when Amoe was 43 years old. This significant age gap, as Paw was much younger than her parents and siblings. Although Paw’s family were farmers and not wealthy, they did their best to provide for her, often prioritizing her needs and fulfilling her wishes whenever possible. Being the youngest, she became the center of attention and affection, shaping her into a spontaneous child. However, Paw was never a troublesome or misbehaving kid, she was just a little girl surrounded by a loving family who cared deeply for her. This nurturing environment marked the beginning of a significant shift in her life. Moving to live with her aunty in the city under strict rules and regulations was tough for her and led her to become a narcissist person. Paw started feeling isolation of this new environment where even her siblings though living under the same roof seemed distant and disconnected. At such a young age, Paw struggled with loneliness and sense of abandonment. Her inner soul had emotional scars when she asked to her siblings for going out for snacks.

“Say Htoo, I want to have some snacks,” paw said.

Say Htoo who was the paw sister and she is studying at that time, however, she did not deny her younger sister’s request and went out together. But they made an agreement not to let her aunty know because she doesn’t like going out without her permission, especially at the study.

“Paw, you need to give me a promise.”

‘What promise?’

‘Do not talk to aunty that we went out and you ate some candies because she will punish us if she knows.’

Paw agreed on her sister’s request. Unfortunately, her aunty was waiting for them by holding a stick at front of the door when they entered the home. Say Htoo was beaten by aunty and Paw was warned.

"Paw, this is your first time, and I will let you go. But remember, if you break the rules again, the consequences will be much worse."

After that, Paw stopped asking her siblings or cousins to go out with her. She didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of her. However, these experiences and separating with the parents left her with emotional trauma, shaping how she viewed her place in the world. Over time, she became stubborn, disobedient, and fearful of people and even of life itself. Paw often felt abandoned and misunderstood. Especially, whatever she made was effect on her family because of spoiling her that the people judged on her.

Unfortunately, no one understood the pain behind her behavior. People were quick to label her as a “lazy girl,” in her teenage without knowing the reasons behind her actions. As a teenager who wanted to following her dreams and hobbies, those labels were too much for her. She realized that when she grew older why did she received this nickname because most of her dreams and hobbies were difference with the old people who grew up in the very conservative environment and culture. She didn’t feel like she belonged in this place anymore, and it seemed as though people treated her like an outsider."

The girl who are not fix in the communities and disobedient that rumors about her eventually reached her parents, prompting Amoe to come and stay with her for several months. Many thoughts crossed her mind what did she do wrong in her life, she knows there is “nothing wrong” but who will believe in her.

Though others called her “lazy girl” or a “bad kid,” Paw didn’t mind during that time because she was happy to be with her mother. Besides, Amoe’s comforting words became her lifeline, giving her the strength to endure the hurtful comments from others.

“Paw, no matter what people say, I know you are a smart child. I believe in you because you are my daughter,” Amoe said, pulling Paw into a comforting hug.

“No one knows you better than you know yourself. Keep the good words in your mind and throw away the ones that block your way.”

Paw had cried so much and whispered, “Thank you, Amoe.”

From that moment on, Amoe had been Paw’s greatest hero, her source of strength and unconditional love. Amoe was a courageous woman, and her gentle words always comforted Paw’s deepest fears.

Now, as the plane lifted off the ground, Paw felt a mix of sorrow and hope. She didn’t know what the future would bring, but she carried Amoe’s memory…”

“Hey Paw, the flight will be landing soon. Make sure you don’t leave anything behind,” her friend reminded her.
“Thank you, I’ll check,” Paw replied.

Paw and her friends walked to the transit terminal at Suvarnabhumi Airport, heading to their final destination “Dubai”. While transit flights were a familiar process for Paw because of her sister Say Htoo, who worked in Singapore as an engineer for 10 years, it was a completely new experience for her two friends. This was their first time leaving their country. Though they were traveling together, Paw took on the role of leader, guiding her friends through the process. For the first time, she felt trusted and respected as someone capable of leading others, which made her smile. Their layover was an hour and a half, giving them time to explore the massive and bustling Suvarnabhumi Airport. The airport was crowded, with countless shops and food courts everything was new to them. At the same time, they felt sad when comparing the situation to their own country. Although Myanmar had a newly built airport, it was nearly empty since 2019 because of the Covid-19 pandemic but things started getting worse after the military dictatorship. Most travelers were locals leaving the country in search of better opportunities, fleeing the lack of jobs and the oppressive regime. Seeing this brain drain at such a scale are awful but she understood why even she had to leave. Seeing vibrant energy and thriving economy of Thailand made Paw feel both envious and heartbroken. “It’s like two upside-down worlds,” she thought, recalling the Stranger Things series she had watched. The bustling airport felt like heaven compared to the reality of her homeland, which seemed like a place worse than hell. “What kind of karma from our past lives could have caused this suffering?” her friend asked because they are the Buddhism belief and they believe about Karma and past life.

Paw smiled reluctantly and replied deeply, ““I have no idea, but some people will not notice that they have ruined so many people lives until they go the hell.”

“That’s true,” her friend agreed. “

They’ll never understand the damage they’ve done to us.”

At Yangon Airport, Paw noticed the many young Myanmar people at the airport, some heading to Thailand for work and other embarking on studies abroad. She felt a spark of hope when she saw students who had the chance to study abroad. But the truth was bittersweet, 90% of those leaving were not chasing dreams, but simply seeking survival such as taking up informal jobs in construction, factories, restaurants, or shops, abandoning their previous skills and careers to start a new chapter.

Leaving their comfort zones was a necessity. Still, working in these areas are better than trafficked because some of the girls from Myanmar have been sold to China for forced marriage or to work in gambling and prostitution business at the border. Many families did not even realize they had been trafficked due to a lack of knowledge and the influence of agents. Paw recalled a childhood friend who had been sold into such a fate. Her family believed she had married a Chinese man and was living a better life. But when Paw reconnected with her through TikTok, she discovered the tragic truth something no one else knew. Paw cut off her thoughts about the people and connected to the airport wifi to communicate with her sister Say Htoo, she found that the wish message from Say Htoo.

“Have a safe flight. Text me when you arrive,” her sister had wished her.
“Thanks! I’m at the Thailand airport now,” Paw replied.

“People often told her she was the luckiest person in the world."She laughed every time she heard it. They saw her as someone with a good life, always supported by her family in pursuing her dreams. While it was partly true, it wasn’t the whole story. People judged her based on what they saw, without knowing her struggles. Even though her family never had issues with her dreams or her existence, the environment around them sometimes forced them to doubt her. Paw knew her family loved her, but in her subconscious mind, she blamed them and herself. She felt they had unknowingly spoiled her and brought her into a world without her consent. She knew it was a ridiculous thought, but the blame lingered nonetheless.

The main issue for Paw was that she never gained people’s trust. Whatever she did, they doubted and questioned her, even from a young age. Paw’s sister, Say Htoo, had passed the matriculation exam with three distinctions, making everyone proud of her. Relatives pushed Say Htoo to join the Nursing University because it promised better job opportunities, but no one ever asked about her dreams.

Say Htoo, being obedient and respectful, followed their direction without complaint, never having a chance to express her own aspirations. Paw, however, was different. She didn’t want to be controlled and tried to resist, though she always put in effort to do her best.

When Paw’s matriculation exam results were out, she had no distinctions. This became an easy excuse for people to criticize her as a “lazy girl.” However, when her transcript arrived, it showed that Paw had scored higher overall than Say Htoo. Amoe cried when she saw Paw’s results.
“How can they judge my little daughter so harshly?” Amoe said through tears.

They should have seen how much she could do it, I need to prove them,’ Amoe said.

Paw simply smiled at Amoe with gratitude.

Despite this, people continued to criticize her.

“Distinctions are more honorable than high marks,” they said.

Paw’s biggest dream was to travel the world and learn new languages. She wanted to join the Yangon University of Foreign Languages (YUFL) or any program related to tourism to pursue her passion. However, her relatives dismissed her dreams, they said there was lack chance to make a sustainable income from her dream and pressured her to study computer science can make a lot of money and secure a well-paying job abroad.

She had no choice but to join the Computer Science University, despite having no interest in the subject. In her first two years, she studied just enough to avoid failing. In her third year, however, she met two new friends who inspired her. One, Noe, was brilliant, always earning first place in class. She was kind, joyful, and always willing to help. The other, Phuu, was confident, focused, and determined, ranking fifth in class.

Both Noe and Phuu had different personalities but became Paw’s inspiration to strive for excellence. With their encouragement and her family’s support, Paw worked hard and eventually graduated with honors.

Phuu often told Paw, “You should know that you’re a very well-behaved, kind, and great person.”
“Thanks,” Paw replied.
“But there’s one thing you need to change,” Phuu added.
“I agree with Phuu,” Noe added.
“What is it?” Paw asked.
“Be confident and trust yourself in any situation,” Phuu said.
“And stop listening to people who don’t appreciate you,” Noe added.
“Thanks for your advice. I’ll try my best,” Paw responded casually, not wanting to dwell too much on the future at that moment.

What Paw didn’t realize was that her real journey and challenges would begin after graduation. Now as she sat on a flight to Dubai, she reflected on her life. She felt herself like a cloud, drifting with the wind and unsure of where it will move next. Perhaps the cloud will dissolve under the sun or be scattered by strong winds. The possibilities are endless. After graduating, Paw returned to her village, planning to find a job and join a language class in the nearest city. However, life in her village was still far behind in technology. There was no internet, and only one house in the entire village had a phone line. For oversea long-distance communication, villagers had to travel to the nearest city and wait for hours to make a call. For the internet also, mostly people went to the Internet Café in the city but the connection was slow and not good like in Yangon. Most young people used the internet only for chatting or listening to music, as they didn’t know how to use it for career opportunities. Job hunting relied on buying job journals or paying fees to agencies. Applications were handwritten on purchased CV forms, as people weren’t familiar with preparing proper resumes at that time.

In 2010, some villagers began buying mobile phones through government programs, access to the internet. Paw applied for jobs in Yangon but received no interview calls. She returned to her village to help with farming and housework while she was waiting for the job offer. Unfortunately, she did not receive any job offers and spent her time in farming and housework. Amoe was happy to have her home, but other criticized her for not finding a job and earning money despite her degree. Feeling depressed and dissatisfied, Paw discussed her plan for joining some language class and finding the job with her siblings, who agreed to support her financially so she could take classes for her career. However, her family didn’t want her to share rooms with strangers, so they arranged for her to stay at her aunt’s house while studying.

Paw thought things might improve now that she was an adult and wouldn’t be scolded like a child. Upon arriving in Yangon, her cousin had already enrolled her in an English class at her aunt’s direction. Although Paw loved learning languages, she had no friends in the class. Still, she attended regularly without missing a single session.

A month later, her cousin arranged a job for her as an assistant teacher and administrative staff at a nursery school through a friend. Paw felt obligated to accept. Before she started, her aunt and relatives warned her:

“Your cousin got this job for you. Don’t embarrass us. If you make mistakes, it will reflect badly on her, and no one will trust her recommendations in the future.”

The pressure and anxiety overwhelmed Paw before her first day. The workplace also wasn’t a happy working area for her. She didn’t enjoy teaching or caring for children, and the pay was too low. Eventually, she returned to the village and asked her siblings for financial support to enroll in an accounting class, realizing she enjoyed calculating and problem-solving. But this time Paw’s family allowed her to share a room outside with other people. This was the new experiences, and she was excited a lot. Her new roommates were kind and supportive, making her feel at home. She started to believe she could navigate her life independently, free from outside judgment. However, whenever she met her relatives at church or religious events, they continued to criticize her for not securing a job and acting “like a child.” To avoid their judgments, Paw began skipping these gatherings, choosing to distance herself from their negativity. Paw often had to change jobs, but she never stopped asking her family for financial support due to the country's low wages. Many companies sought highly qualified employees but were unwilling to pay fair salaries. For example, accountants were rarely offered more than USD 100 per month, with minimal chances of salary increases. Frustrated, Paw switched from one job to another, seeking better opportunities to grow and gain experience. However, her frequent job changes became the subject of gossip among relatives and her village community.

“She’s lazy. She’ll never land a good job,” they criticized.

Some even joked, “Why not stay home and help your parents? Maybe get married instead?”

Though Paw smiled in response, her mother, Amoe, felt humiliated by the remarks. Yet, Amoe never lost faith in her daughter.

“I believe in her. She’ll prove everyone wrong,” Amoe often said. Even though Paw did not want to work hard for herself, she tried her best for Amoe. However, deep inside, she questioned what was wrong with her life.

She heard the pilot's announcement that they were approaching Dubai airport, she looked out the window and taking in the view of the city. She noticed countless buildings scattered across the desert but saw hardly any trees. Then she also felt like the weather will be hot and thinking about the dust in the air. Finally, her plane landed and Paw and her friends were amazed by how much larger Dubai Airport was compared to Thailand’s airport. It was clear that Dubai was a city of luxury, catering to the wealthy. The airport was filled with branded shops, all bustling with customers. Afterward, they headed to the room that a friend in Dubai had rented for them. Seeing all the shops and the bustling development reminded Paw of Amoe, who loved shopping, traveling, and visiting modern places. Paw thought to herself, If Amoe were still alive, she would definitely love visiting this place for shopping. Paw could never forget the day she received a call from her brother about Amoe's health. Her thoughts drifted back to that moment, replaying the memories of that day in her mind.

One day, while working as an assistant accountant in Yangon, Paw received a devastating call from her brother.

“Paw, Amoe has been vomiting blood since last night. We’re on our way to the hospital,” he said, his voice trembling.

Paw froze for a while. “Keep me updated. I’ll inform Say Htoo,” she replied, holding back tears.

A few hours later, her brother called again.

“They’re transferring her to Yangon Hospital,” he sobbed.

Paw rushed home to prepare for Amoe’s hospitalization, but her mother passed away just two days later on the hospital. This was the first time Paw truly experienced the loss of someone she deeply loved. She was heartbroken and filled with regret for not being able to spend more time with her mother or financially support her.

Loosing Amoe was the biggest loss for the family because Amoe was the beautiful bridge and care taker for each family member. The children were closer to Amoe than Appa. Paw also noticed her father muttering, “It should’ve been me”. Then Appa was not talking much with the people and always muttering that he should be the one who have been die first. The loss of Amoe left an irreplaceable void in the family. The once lively home grew quiet, and the bonds that Amoe had nurtured began to weaken. People also continued judging Paw until her mother died and they said that Amoe had concerned to leave her alone and that Paw cannot be independent ever. At that moment, she was furious and began shouting at people in a way she had never done before.

‘Shut up! you have no right to judge my existence, enough is enough,’ she shouted them and silencing them. For two years, Paw struggled with her loss and instability until she decided to leave to Dubai. 

"Paw, Paw," her friend called out, gently tapping her shoulder. Ever since they left Yangon, Paw had been lost in deep thoughts about the past, momentarily disconnecting from the present.

"Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts," Paw replied with a smile.

‘Give me your passport copy and visa copy, the landlord is asking for that,’ her friend said.

‘Ok, here.’

‘So, you can take the shower behind and let’s check around the place and have some dinner’, another friend said.

‘Ok, give me about 15 mins,’ Paw replied.

Eventually, she decided to leave for Dubai with friends in search of better opportunities. When they arrived, the luxurious city stunned them. Skyscrapers stood tall in the desert, and high-end shops were bustling with customers. But their living conditions were starkly different.

The tiny room they rented barely large enough for three people, but they had no choice.

“This room is smaller than a birdhouse back home,” one friend joked, lightening the mood.

Life in Dubai was challenging. Since the day after they reached, Paw and her friends looking for the jobs from online and submitted thousands of CV. Now they have been in here for 3 weeks already. Their visa about to expire, and while Paw’s friends managed to secure jobs, she was still jobless and running out of money. Paw’s worries were increased more and more.  

‘God, I know you’re testing my patience but give me a chance,’ Paw prayed.

Three days before her visa expired, she received calls for interviews from five companies. Overwhelmed with hope, she felt as though Amoe was watching over her. Finally, Paw received a job as a junior accountant with a decent salary. Within eight months, her dedication and hard work earned her a promotion, allowing her to lead significant projects together with her supervisor. Within these eight months, she has faced challenges such as cultural differences and adjustments to a new working environment and nature. However, she managed them unexpectedly well. Perhaps her past traumas taught her to grow emotionally and handle difficulties with maturity.

“Paw, you’re smart and handle pressure well. Keep it up,” her supervisor praised her.

For the first time, Paw smiled genuinely free of anxiety and self-doubt. Though she could now afford better accommodations, she chose to stay in her shared room to save money and support her family.

Word of her success reached her village. Her brother shared a conversation he overheard.

“Paw seems stable now, but how long before she becomes lazy again?” someone remarked.

“It’s their business. I mind my own now,” Paw replied with a laugh, no longer bothered by their judgments. When some of the people contacted her to ask for a job in here for them, she responded them politely instead of denying and gave a hand as much as she can without any hates or judgements.

“Amoe, are you happy to see me like this? I hope I’ve made you proud.” Paw speaking by looking at the night sky.

‘I hope I am not a hero for anyone, but I think I’m the hero for myself Amoe’.

‘Am I right Amoe?’ At least I’ve overcome what once seemed impossible. "I’m also trying not to judge people by their actions because I don’t know what big dreams they might be carrying in their hearts," Paw whispered to herself.

 

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, you did ask... 😆

• “Good afternoon, passengers. This is a boarding call for Myanmar Airways International flight No. 338 to Thailand.” As the announcement echoed through the terminal, Paw reminded her friends to join the queue for boarding.

I hate to hit you with this in the first paragraph. But it’s detail, not story. Why?

Her friends can’t hear the announcement? Seems unlikely. And given that they were just told that boarding has begun, they’re expecting it, and, are at the gate, why would she have to do that?

But more than that, this isn’t Paw noticing the announcement and reacting, this is you TELLING the reader that she did. And you’re neither in the story nor on the scene. So how can the action seem real if instead of the actors, well...acting, you’re passing on secondhand information in summation and overview? When you read a story, do you want to learn what happened or be made to live the adventure in real-time, and AS the protagonist?

It’s not that you’re doing something wrong. In fact, you’re writing exactly as you were taught to, using the skills you were given to make you useful to an employer. But, what kind of writing do employers need? Reports, letters, and other NONFICTION writing.

So, not realizing that, you’ve fallen into the trap that almost everyone does (myself included). You’re trying to TELL the reader a story by transcribing yourself telling it, as if to an audience.

That works perfectly...for you. But storytelling is a performance art, where HOW you tell the story—your performance—matters as much as what you say. You stride the stage during the exciting parts, you whisper and shout. You gesture, you change expression, and use all the tricks in the storyteller’s toolbox. But...you gave the reader your script, and expect them to know how YOU would perform it, to create that performance within their head as they read. But they can’t—which is why we don’t do that when writing for the page.

Just as poetry has a body of specialized tricks and techniques, so does Commercial Fiction Writing. They have, after all, been making mistakes when writing fiction for centuries. And for just as long, they’ve been finding ways to avoid that. So, if you dig into those skills you stand on the shoulders of giants. But, skip that step and you’re condemned to making those same mistakes, just as do the over 90% who never learn that there IS another approach. So acquiring those skills doesn’t make you a pro, but it does put you ahead of that 90%. 😋

Wilson Mizner says, “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So...research!

I have two suggestions. The first is Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer. But it is the best I've found to date at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. But it’s not the easiest, both because it was published in 1962, and because the author, while brilliant, goes into a lot of detail, as professors do. It is, though, the best, and must be read slowly, with time to practice each point as it’s introduced, to make it yours, as against something to forget you’ve read in a day or two.
https://dokumen.pub/techniques-of-the-selling-writer-0806111917.html

A second, easier book, is Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It’s not as demanding and often feels like sitting with Deb as she talks about writing. But still, she was Swain’s student, and her book is excellent. In the end, reading them both, about six months apart is what I’d recommend.
https://dokumen.pub/techniques-of-the-selling-writer-0806111917.html

There is one more thing... For what it might be worth, my own articles and YouTube videos are meant to give an overview of the traps that so many of us fall into.

Sorry my news wasn’t better. But unlike most, you had the sense to ask. And that’s a plus.

But, whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[Anme]

Thank you JayG. I'm greatful for your feedback. You made a great point, I'll work on improving it.